Big black woman: …and they had a white one and a black one, and the white one was 45.99 and the black one was 52.99, so I bought the black one. Cause it was black…
–Best Buy, 23rd St.
Overheard by: Trouble
Guy on cell: Oh yeah? Well, check this out: I don’t care that I’m not invited to your wedding, because you’re fired!
–West 94th St & Amsterdam
Girl: Why do you want that?
Friend, holding Showgirls: Because Michael got our copy in the divorce.
–Virgin Megastore
Overheard by: Ben Knees
Loud angsty teen boy: My life is a tragedy and I’m only in act two!
–LaGuardia High School
Overheard by: He’s no Shakespeare…
Actor: I almost woke up dead this morning. But I don’t have an understudy.
–Gallery Players, Park Slope
Overheard by: Emily B.
Guy: …and grimace could play Mary Magdalene.
–Lincoln Center
Shake Shack patron: It was like Menopause: The musical.
–Madison Square Park
Overheard by: Adam Nathan
Queer on cell: Honey, if you thought Menopause was funny, you are gonna piss yo pants at The Vagina Monologues!
–Walgreens, Union Square
Flyer guy to girl with Rent shirt: Why you gonna go see Rent? Have you seen it yet? The gay guy dies. Woo!
–Times Square
Overheard by: Minerva
Stagehand: Julliard is a school. It’s not like Spamalot.
–Lincoln Center
Overheard by: Emily B.
Man, to old woman pouring paint thinner into the sewer: You know, you’ll kill the alligators like that.
–39th & Lex
Methodone lover: I told him, “If you do that again, I’m gonna sic the alligators on you!”
–Whitehall Ferry Terminal
Overheard by: Steven Lowell
Tourist, kneeling in front of a giant stone head: Help me, Olmec! Where is the shrine of the silver monkey?
–Museum of Natural History
Chelsea boy: Yeah…My God, the boys there were so hot! Their asses were all tight and round…Mmm…like a Chihuahua’s.
–19th & 6th
Overheard by: CocteauBoy
5-Year-Old boy, passing the smelly horse carriages on Central Park South: Eww, are there camels around here?
–59th between Broadway & 7th
Overheard by: Carmiya Weinraub
Old man, passing bear sculpture: Bears eat too much.
–American Wing Cafe, the Met
Overheard by: guingel
MTA hardhat: Yeah, for lunch I’ll have either the rat on a stick or the pigeon on a stick.
–Bleecker & Lafayette
Overheard by: Brewster
Guy on cell: I just saw a pigeon, and it reminded me of you.
–Houston & Bowery
Overheard by: Jon A.
Commuter: Oh, I’ve always been into manatees.
–Penn Station
Overheard by: Jon
Woman, to child: That’s why imagination is really nice. You can imagine that cat you have always wanted, and it’s almost like having him for real…even though you never will.
–53rd & Broadway
Animal lover: I never used to like cats. But then I had this dream where this cat, like, told me, “I love you,” so I got a cat.
–10th St & 1st Ave
Bus rider: My son’s frog jumped up there, and now I can’t take a poop.
–Q101 bus
Overheard by: Kaleena
Suit: No, no, it’s a woman with a donkey, not two donkeys! Jesus.
–14th St 1 station
Non-Ghetto woman on cell: That’s nigga’s crazier than a road lizard!
–59th & 7th
Picky girl: You won’t believe the pick up line he used. He actually said, “I want to be your beast.”
–The Strand, Broadway
Overheard by: Miss Parker
Black customer: Give me a yellow cash card, my brother.
Middle Eastern owner: What’d you call me?
Black customer: I said ‘my brother.’
Middle Eastern owner: No, no, no. We are different.
Black customer: No, we’re not — we all come from the same place. We have the same blood.
Middle Eastern owner: No, your blood is black — your blood is shit.
Black customer: No, my blood is blue just like yours. Besides, if I don’t come here to your store to spend money, how are you going to afford the bombs to blow up buildings?
–488 Madison Ave
Woman in dressing room: Dear God!
Employee: Ma’am, is everything okay?
Woman, bursting from room and throwing corset at employee: Just– Just take this far away from me!
–Victoria’s Secret, Herald Square
Dressing room attendant #1: So, you gonna sleep with him?
Dressing room attendant #2: Naw, I ain't gonna sleep with him! I ain't that easy, I ain't no fish!
–The Gap
Overheard by: Sunny
Guy to girl: All I know about your baby is that as long as it's in your stomach, it's not gonna be underfed. I wouldn't be surprised if it came out with a chicken wing in its mouth.
–MacDougal & 3rd St
Overheard by: Jaco
Older hipster man, in front of organic section: So these eggs are tortured chicks, and these are non-tortured chicks… Hmmm…
–Fairmay Market, Red Hook
Overheard by: RStein
Black guy: Yo, black guy! Where is the nearest place I can get fried chicken? I want some fried chicken and grape soda!
–Union Square
Random guy on escalator: Fuck anime, I can't wait for that juicy buffalo chicken sandwich.
–Kinokuniya Bookstore
Overheard by: Chris Coll
Automated voice on PA: Register Nine.
Toddler: Whoa! What was that?
Mom: That’s the voice of God telling you what to do.
Automated voice: Register Four.
Mom: See, there it is again. You better listen.
–Whole Foods, Houston
Overheard by: Alienswede
Woman receiving massage: Do you fix a broken heart?
Chinese masseuse: What? What you say. Heart? Pain? Heart not good?
Woman: I said, do you fix a broken heart?
Chinese masseuse: Hmmm… You heart is good! No bad! No worry! You healthy — very, very good!
Woman: Oh… Good…
–Massage parlor, Mott St
