Wednesday One-Liners Swore They’d Never Become Like Their Parents

Dad to young daughter: If you want to hit daddy, you’ll have to take a number.

–Outside Court St. Bagels, Court & Bergen, Cobble Hill, Brooklyn

Exhausted dad to loud, hyperactive, young son: Yes, everyone knows you’re here. Terminal six food court line.

–JFK

Overheard by: Jen

Mother, to seven-year-old son as she enters a liquor store: Jesus, what’s wrong with you? This is why nobody likes you -you’re annoying!

–Outside Liquor Store, W 57th St

Overheard by: PetRunner

Father quizzically looking at waddling toddler: How can you be anti-park? I mean, you’re a kid! You can run around!

–Fort Greene Park

Overheard by: Brooklyn Dodgy

Sassy inner-city mom to dawdling daughter: Get ovah here or I’m going to have to take out my imaginary belt.

–Tompkins Square Park

Mother, to five-year-old daughter picking up cookies: Is that what you eat at daddy’s house?

–The Food Emporium, 88th St

Overheard by: charlotte

Mother speaking sternly to her infant in the baby carriage: Capiche???

–53rd & 9th

Overheard by: AH Hell’s Kitchen

Posted on April 23, 2008
All Wednesday One-Liners, Brooklyn, Dads, Food, Grocery Stores, Insults, JFK Airport, Kids, Leisure, Midtown & Hell's Kitchen, Moms, Offers and requests, Parents, Parks, Public Transportation, Punch, Questions, Store, Threats, Union Square and East Village, Wishes & desires, Words

Another Fucking Book-Reader

Professor #1: Some fucking student requested we read the book in the class.
Professor #2: That’s mad twisted, yo.

–Barnes & Noble, Court and Schermerhorn, Brooklyn

Overheard by: Ladle

Posted on April 20, 2008
Brooklyn, Coworkers, Education, Offers and requests, Store, Teachers/Professors, Weirdness

He Could Sand the Side of a Boat with That Thing!

Girl #1: What the shit? They have dog lip chap?
Girl #2: That reminds me, I need to pick some up. Andy’s dick chafes my lips so bad.

–Le Chien

Overheard by: Amy Araya

Posted on April 12, 2008
BJs, Default, Friends, Girls, Health and Hygiene, Medicine, Penis, Relationships, Store, Upper East Side, We Love Our Pets

But I Thought You Were Gay!

Cute girl: No, I swear that coat was pink.
Clearly gay guy: It was not pink [glances down.]Cute girl: Is there something pink…I mean… Did you just look at my boobs?!
Clearly gay guy: I mean, they’re right there.

–Zara, 5th Ave

Overheard by: rach

Posted on April 11, 2008
Clothing, Colors, Girls, Nipples, Queer guys, Questions, Store, Union Square and East Village

Unless a Cantaloupe Counts

Teenage girl: Look at the headline on this magazine. There’s a quiz called “do you know if you’re a virgin?”
Teenage boy: Yes. Oh god, yes.

–Barnes and Nobles, Astor Place

Posted on April 10, 2008
Boys, Default, Girls, Questions, Store, Teens, Union Square and East Village, Virginity

Does It Wednesday One-Liner When You Pee?

Man on phone, while withdrawing cash at the ATM: Congrats, dude. It could still be chlamydia though!

–LES

Overheard by: Romano

Kid: I don’t like this place, it has aids.

–F Train

Overheard by: Richard J. Anderson

Man on cell: You can’t just sleep in somebody’s bed and not tell them you have scabies. That’s… irresponsible.

–Home Depot

Professional woman: So I think you have an STD and blah blah blah.

–Times Square

Customer: Can we get an extra plate? He’s sick and I have herpes.

–Freemans, Freeman’s Alley

Twentysomething businesswoman: I was like, ‘oh my god, don’t hook up with my mom’… she has crabs!

–13th & 2nd

Overheard by: Natalia

Posted on April 9, 2008
Advice, AIDS, All Wednesday One-Liners, Customers, Default, Illness, Kids, Lower East Side, Men, On Cell, On the Subway, Questions, Sex, STDs, Store, Times Square, Union Square and East Village, Women

It’s Like They Act Hardcore, But Aren’t

Father, trying to drag young son into store: Come on! What’s the matter?
Son: The people in there are scary!

–Outisde Hot Topic

Overheard by: Penny Lane

Posted on April 7, 2008
Boys, Dads, Default, Fears, Kids, Offers and requests, Physical appearance, Questions, Store

Did the Boy Oversleep, Too?

Big black guy: I thought she was goin’ to get an abortion?
Tiny Rican girl: Yeah, but she overslept and missed her appointment.
Big black guy: How do you miss an abortion appointment?!
Tiny Rican girl: Well she’s only seventeen, she’s not really responsible yet.
Big black guy, yelling: Well then maybe she shouldn’t have been thinking about sex yet! For Christ’s sake she missed her abortion appointment! What a whore!

–H&M, Brooklyn

Overheard by: SaraSil

Posted on April 6, 2008
Abortion, Age/Aging, Black People, Brooklyn, Default, Gender issues, Girls, Guys, Insults, Puerto Ricans, Questions, Sex & Relationships, Store

Not Even If I Gave It a Little Doorag?

Little boy: Daddy, daddy! I wanna make a bear!
Buff dad: Nigga, I done told you a thousand times, thugs don’t make bears! [Tiny black boy bursts into tears.]

–Outside of Build a Bear Workshop, at 6th St & 5th Ave

Overheard by: Becca

Posted on April 6, 2008
Black People, Boys, Compare/Contrast, Dads, Default, Kids, Offers and requests, Parents, Pop Culture, Store, Street, Thugs, Union Square and East Village, Wishes & desires

And I’m Like, You Just Happened to Have a Video Camera?

Teenage girl: My mom is always walkin’ in on me having sex. I’m all like, mom what the fuck, I’m all having sex. Get the fuck out.
Teenage boy: Oh daaamn, I hate that. I always turn the music up real loud so my mom can’t hear me fuck. I fucked my girl to that Akon song. I was in her so deep and that shit was just pumpin’!
Girl: Ohh daaamn.
Boy: You need to tell your mom to get all out yo shit.
Girl: Yeah, she’s always walkin’ in right in the middle and I’m all like, mom get out. Then she tells me she didn’t know, and I’m like, mom I don’t got to tell you every time I’m having sex.

–Target, Brooklyn

Overheard by: Nate

Posted on April 5, 2008
Boys, Brooklyn, Default, Family Ties, Girls, Gripes, Music, Offers and requests, Parents, Relationships, Sex, Store, Teens