Wednesday One-Liners Get a Hoboner

Hobo: I am homeless and ashy. Can anyone spare some lotion? I want to go from ashy to classy.

–A Train

Overheard by: SBroto

Hobo: If looks could kill I'd be dead. Kind words don't hurt nobody. I give sandwiches.

–Shuttle to Grand Central

Overheard by: alan b hutscar

Panhandler, holding top hat overflowing with bills: And take your newspapers and personal belongings with you, I got company comin' over tonight!

–4 Train

Overheard by: Anthony LoDuca

Hobo: You think anyone ever went to Harvard and forgot about it?

–Central Park

Hobo, near no tripping hazards or holes: Watch your step! Don't fall! Look where you're going! Don't fall down!

–4th & Broadway

Singing hobo: I'm gonna be on Broadway! You're all invited! I don't care what you look like. Even you! (points to random man)

–1 Train

Posted on June 27, 2015
Advice, All Wednesday One-Liners, Broadway Shows, Central Park, Crazy, Death, Food, Hobos, Homeless, Money & Class, On the Subway, One-liners, Panhandling, Parks, Physical appearance, Questions, School and studying, Singing, Strangers, Street, The Village, Wednesday One-Liners, Weirdness, Wishes & desires

Only If the White Girl Turns Out to Be a Man

A scuffle ensues during which a white girl pulls off a bald woman’s wig.

Bald woman: Whatever, bitch — you just got taken down by a cancer survivor! Where did my wig go? Told that bitch not to fuck with me…!
White girl, on floor: You trashy bitch.
Guy passerby: Oh, shit, it’s like real-life Jerry Springer!

–6 train, 96th St

Posted on June 26, 2015
Fighting and ass kicking, On the Subway, Strangers

Who Needs a Television When You've Got the City?

(a soprano is singing an opera aria in her apartment on the 4th floor)
Random man on street (screaming up to the window): Girl, you're not even gonna sing the high note?! Pussy!
Soprano (screaming out the window): Everyone's a fucking critic!

–Inwood

Posted on June 22, 2015
Default, Insults, Music, Musicians, Questions, Singing, Strangers, Washington Heights and Inwood, Women

Cinderella Y2K5

Man: Are you ok?
Woman: Oh, I’m not drunk, it’s these shoes.

–Marriott Marquis, Times Square

Posted on June 20, 2015
Drinking & Drunk People, Nice People, Shoes, Strangers, Times Square

I Hear Christ's Gotten a Lot Of Work Done.

Man preaching on subway: And even Michael Jackson has to answer to Jesus Christ himself.
Rush hour passenger: He'd never recognize him.

–F Train

Overheard by: Thom Cohen

Posted on June 19, 2015
About Celebrities, Jesus, Music, On the Subway, Passengers, Preachers, Strangers

…Goodwill to Men

Flagman: Hey man, why you drivin’ over my orange cones?
SUV guy: I need to turn here.
Flagman: You can’t; street’s closed! There’s a big ass crane coming down! See it?…What are you doing? You see that big ass crane? Why you rolling over my cones? It’s dangerous. Street’s closed!
SUV guy: I need to turn here and go down this street!
Flagman: You see that big ass crane? You wanna play chicken with that? Go one block down and come back on the other side. Take you five minutes.
SUV guy: But I need to turn here and go down this street! You can’t block a street in New York, asshole!
Flagman: It’s dangerous. Street’s closed! Back up or get outta the damned truck. What’s the matter with you? Get out of the damned car!
SUV guy: Damn it! Asshole.
Flagman: Damn! He rolled over my cones…Fuckin’ Mercedes driver! Anybody else wanna play chicken with that big ass crane?

–48th & Broadway

Overheard by: Kevin W. Eaches

Charity mugger: Hey! My name’s Lisa and I’d like to talk to you about donating to North Shore Animal League–
Guy: Let me be honest, Lisa. I work in customer service. That means for 8 hours a day, I have to be polite to everyone I speak with and this is my lunch hour. It’s the one hour of my day where I’m not forced to be nice. I’m sure you’re a nice girl, but why don’t you fuck off?

–Broadway & Pine

Overheard by: Mr. X-mas Tree

Hobo: You mean to tell me no one else on this goddamn train has anything else to eat? I hope you all choke on your Christmas dinners!

–C train

Overheard by: MissHell

Posted on June 17, 2015
Cars and Driving, Food, Hobos, Rockefeller Center, Strangers

…Whatever Your Name Is.

Stranger: Hey, big dick!
Black guy: Hey, what's up guy. Not big dick anymore, small dick! (motions with hand)
Stranger: Not what that girl told me last night, haha.
Black guy: Well, alright, take care.

–Union Square

Overheard by: Brandon

Posted on June 11, 2015
Black People, Compare/Contrast, Compliments, Height, Laughter, Penis, Strangers, Union Square and East Village

Explain Katie Couric Then, Brainiac

(excited dog jumps onto lady)
Lady: Oh, why are you so frisky?
Dog walker: He's a puppy.
Lady: Oh, so he's new to New York? Soon he'll be just as jaded and angry as the rest of us.

–32nd & 2nd

Overheard by: Tacomeat

Posted on June 11, 2015
Ahhh! Real New Yorkers, Compare/Contrast, Default, Murray Hill and Gramercy, Only in New York, Questions, Strangers, We Love Our Pets, Women

With New Stereotypes Arriving Daily, It’s Hard to Keep Up

Black bagger: I got to get me a soos. Man, I need a soos. Honey, you know where I could get me one?
Black woman paying for groceries: No.
Black bagger: Oh, hey I bet this guy knows. Hey guy! You! Do you know where I could find me a massage therapist?
White guy in line: I have no idea.
Black bagger: Oh, damn; I thought you’d know.

–Supermarket, Nostrand Ave, Stuyvesant Town

Overheard by: Duncan Pflaster

Posted on June 10, 2015
Black People, Customers, Default, Medicine, Questions, Store, Strangers, Stuyvesant Town, Weirdness, White People, Wishes & desires, Women

We're All Nine Meals Away from Being Wednesday One-Liners

Black hobo to rush-hour crowd: So, did ya' hear now Obama's president they gonna tear down the Statue of Liberty? Yeah, they gonna put up a new statue–one o' Aunt Jemima!"

–Shuttle Train GCT

Overheard by: Mrs. Butterworth

Hobo: Hey, kids! I wish I was a kid again. Then I'd have a hundred million dollars!

–Henry St, Brooklyn Heights

Overheard by: Jesse

Hobo to clerk: Don't worry, baby, I'll take care of the Gaza Strip.

–Deli, 45th & 3rd

Overheard by: LP

Hobo to girl with boxing gloves attached to her backpack: Hi, there! Give a little money to help the homeless? (silence) I'll take anything but a punch in the face!

–Astor & Lafayette

Overheard by: Andi C.

Shouting hobo: The family that scratches their butts together has smelly fingers!

–34th St & 3rd Ave

Overheard by: Kramer

Hobo crossing street and pushing shopping cart: Hi ho Silver!

–23rd St & Park Ave

Posted on June 5, 2015
All Wednesday One-Liners, Ass, Brooklyn, Clerks, Delis, Family Ties, Food, Girls, Global Geography, Hobos, Homeless, Kids, Midtown & Hell's Kitchen, Money & Class, Murray Hill and Gramercy, One-liners, Panhandling, President, Punch, Questions, Race, Rumor Has It, Sensory Experiences, Statue of Liberty, Strangers, Street, The Village, Trains Not Subway, TV, Wednesday One-Liners, Weirdness, Wishes & desires

Strangers