Tourist: I read about this place in that New York book I got from the library.
Guy in line: Did it also tell you that when it's a full moon everything is half off?
Tourist to friend: Dude! We should just both get the large, then.
Friend: I love this town and its little quirks like this.
–Gray's Papaya
Guy dressed as Santa: Hey, man, got a cigarette?
Random guy: Fuck no, I got a beef with you, Santa!
–Bar, Washington Square Park
Overheard by: Keavy (loves Santa)
Female driver to chubby crossing pedestrian: You gonna die, honkey!
–City Island Ave
Overheard by: Sam
Drunk guy, matter-of-factly: Everyone comes in here and thinks they're smelling pot, when really they're just smelling Italians.
–Hammerstein Ballroom Men's Room
Young girl on cell: Well, I mean, I have eaten macaroni. Does that count as Italian?
–Grand Central
Overheard by: Kayla Monetta
Man on cell: And this guy smelled like shit! (pause) Yeah, I told him, "you smell like Italian."
–E 10th & 3rd Ave
Overheard by: molina1230
Loud bridesmaid at Guido wedding: I'm Sicilian from the waist up, American from the waist down.
–Brooklyn Botanic Garden
College guy to friend: From the minute they got here, they started eating. Italian feasts are pornography. Italian food is illicit sex to the puritans. Everything the puritans eat is bland and brown.
–Brooklyn College
Middle-aged, pot-bellied guy with a long pony-tail, stopping young woman on the street: Excuse me, but I just want to say, once you've had Italian food, you're not hungry for anything else. I just ate a calzone and now I'm going to go home and just go to sleep!
–8th St & Broadway
Overheard by: Not hungry either
Hobo: Hey, c'mon now, we know each other what, ten years? Ten years, we be saying “hi” to each other. No need to act like that.
Professional-looking lady: You put your hand on my ass!
Hobo: Oh, that didn't mean nothing. C'mon, we be friends. Ever day we say “hi” and smile and talk while we walk and now you gettin' all riled on me.
Professional lady: You put your grimy, damn hand on my ass.
Hobo: Oh, that was just a friendly little touch. C'mon, now, we friends. We know each other too long to let somethin' like this cause problems. Ten years. What's your name again?
–53rd St & 8th Ave
Girl to spastic friend: I knew you were going to hump me!
Woman passerby: I have no desire to hump you.
–12th & 2nd
Drunk girl: I'm unzipped and unbuttoned.
Passer by: Ready to go!
–Rubulad, Brooklyn
Headline by: unzipped, but buttoned.
Runners-Up:
· “…To the Bathroom!” – CherryPie
· “…To the STD Clinic” – JuzouShades
· “And Just Like That, Debbie Does New York Was Well on Its Way” – Buck Neked
· “Thunder! Thunder! HO!!!!” – John
· “Why Work for Sex When You Can Grab Low Hanging Fruit?” – the evan
Bible-thumping lady: Get your Bible! We only have approximately five years left!
Passerby: Five years! Fuck! I gotta get movin’!
–Grand Central
Overheard by: Adam Bertocci
Charity volunteer: Would you like to sponsor this child?
Grumpy man: I got three kids at home, and besides, I never even met this bastard!
–Broadway at City Hall
Overheard by: Darrin
Child screaming: Daddy! Daddy! Daddy!
Stranger to father: Kids, huh?
Father: He's lucky his mom's pro-life.
–Times Square
