What's a Nice Wednesday One-Liner Like You Doing in a Place Like This?

Guy to girl with afro crossing the street: Hey gorgeous! Gorgeous! Let me massage your kinky tips!

–8th Ave & W 4th

Comedy club promoter to hot girl: Hi, do you like comedy? (girl keeps walking) Okay, do you like skinny white guys then?

–42nd & Broadway

Overheard by: Galina

Young boy reading aloud in halting monotone: I like that outfit. It would look great crumpled up on my bedroom floor tomorrow morning. You have 206 bones in your body, want one more?

–Borders, Kips Bay

Overheard by: Emily

Fat white guy in Mets jersey to hot blonde: Hello, my name is Tom and I'm horny. (blonde keeps walking)

–Lexington & 50th

Black man to female passerby: S'cuse me miss… Not to seem rude, but to be honest…for a white girl, you got a nice butt.

–5th Ave

Conductor on PA: Ladies and gentlemen, this last weekend I went to a club…never again. I walked in, sat down at the bar and ordered a drink. I saw a beautiful lady across the bar, went up to her and said, "Where have you been all my life?" She said back to me "I think for the first half of your life, I wasn't born." This is 59th, Columbus circle, have a good day, ladies and gentlemen.

–A Train

Posted on April 26, 2015
Age/Aging, All Wednesday One-Liners, Ass, Beauty, Black People, Boys, Compliments, Creepsters, Fat People, Flyer people, Guys, Men, Midtown & Hell's Kitchen, Murray Hill and Gramercy, Offers and requests, On the Subway, Pick-up Lines, Public Transportation, Questions, Sexuality, Store, Strangers, Subway conductors, Weirdness, West Village, White People

A Couple More Blocks and You’ll Start Seeing the Hipsters

Girl to her friend: Where are we?
Old man passing by: It only gets worse…

–4 Ave & 14th St, Brooklyn

Posted on April 6, 2015
Advice, Brooklyn, Default, Fears, Friends, Girls, Old People, Questions, Strangers, Weirdness

Where's a Wednesday One-Liner When You Need One?

Cop: Man, I'm computer illiterate… That's why the NYPD is perfect for me.

–Police Precinct, Bronx

Overheard by: afrocurl

Cop car to man in the street, after using sirens: How stupid are you? Move out of the way!
(crowd cheers)

–Thompson & Bleecker

Overheard by: onlycoolcop

Loudspeaker on police car to pedestrian: What are you doing!?

–Houston & Broadway

Woman with missing teeth, grabbing tourist and yelling: I'm not a cop! I'm a ho!

–42nd & 8th

Overheard by: Jo Ann Chism

Posted on April 4, 2015
All Wednesday One-Liners, Computer, Cops, Education, Insults, Jobs & Careers, Men, Midtown & Hell's Kitchen, One-liners, Questions, Strangers, Street, Stupidity, The Bronx, The Village, Tourists, Wednesday One-Liners, Women

The Same People Who Read Nicholas Sparks?

Poet, selling books: All of these books are signed, and when I go on Oprah, you can sell them on eBay!
Passenger: Let’s hear a poem then!
Poet: You wanna hear a poem? “Neighbor’s dog leaving feces on the sidewalk. Squish! Damn. Luck stinks.”
Old man, mumbling: Who wants to read that kind of bullshit?

–6 Train

Posted on April 1, 2015
Artists, Books & Writing, Default, Insults, Men, Offers and requests, Old People, On the Subway, Questions, Strangers, TV, Vendors & Street Performers

If Only Israelis and Palestinians Had a Common Football Team to Get Behind

Conductor over loudspeaker: Our next stop will be New York Penn Station, please make sure you have all your personal belongings when leaving this train… And for all you football fans out there, Giants just fucking won! Everyone can put their feet on the seats, we’re celebratin’ tonight!
Passengers: Yeah!

–NJ Transit

Overheard by: Vicksburg

Posted on April 1, 2015
Celebrations/Parties, Conductors, Default, Etiquette, Happiness, Men, Sports, Strangers, Trains Not Subway, Women

You Are a Crazy Man!

Hobo: Spare change?
Passer-by: Sorry, man.
Hobo: Really sorry?
Passer-by: Not sorry at all, actually.
Hobo: (laughs uproariously)

–Upper West Side

Posted on March 29, 2015
Apologies, Hobos, Laughter, Panhandling, Strangers, Upper West Side & Lincoln Center

Actually, That’s Just the Way His Hair Grows, You Insensitive Bitch

Woman to man in Yankees hat: Do you know if the Yankees won today?
Man: Sorry, you’re talking to the wrong guy. I don’t follow sports.
Woman to man in Yankees hat: … So you just wear the hat, then?

–2 train

Overheard by: Caty

Posted on March 26, 2015
On the Subway, Questions, Strangers

Probably Consensual, Anyway

Witness #1: Damn, he slapped the shit out of her.
Witness #2: Use your phone and call the cops.
Witness #1: Hell no. You saw what he just did to his girl — imagine what he would do to me!

–Flatbush area

Overheard by: Damion

Posted on March 25, 2015
Advice, Brooklyn, Crime and Punishment, Default, Fears, Relationships, Strangers, Violence

Are You Talking About the Fart?

Man collecting change for homeless New Yorkers: Hey folks, you know we can't do it without you, and blah blah blah and yadda yadda yadda.
Passerby: (giggles)
Man collecting change: Oh, you heard that?

–Union Square

Posted on March 13, 2015
Activists, Homeless, Money & Class, Panhandling, Strangers, Union Square and East Village, Words

Why the MTA Has Principals’ Offices

Man #1: Hey, hey! Who do you think you are?
Woman #1: Excuse me?
Man #1: You! Get that bag off the seat!
Woman #2: Leave her alone.
Man #1: Shut up! She has her fucking bag on the seat! Nobody’s better than anyone else. We’re all people. She shouldn’t take up two fucking seats!
Man #2: Nobody wants to sit next to you, so you’re taking up two seats, too.

–A train

Posted on March 10, 2015
Gripes, On the Subway, Strangers

Strangers