Guy #1 reading article: ‘The a-nulls of psychology’?
Guy #2: Dude, it’s ‘anals.’ You’re so stupid.
–Computer lab, NYU
University official: I confer upon you the degree of Honorary Doctor of Science.
Female undergrad #1: I have no idea what any of that means, but I’m sure it’s important.
Female undergrad #2: Do you know what you’re saying? What you’re talking right now is waves. She invented that.
–NYU commencement, Washington Square Park
Overheard by: Brian
Girl on cell: Sorry I texted you when you were giving birth.
–27th St & Park Ave
20-something girl: I kept saying, "I emailed a text to him!"
–Pub, 59th & 3rd
Overheard by: Bluetoothed them a postcard
20-something girl correcting her friend's text message: No, you don't need an apostrophe there. It's "hos," plural, not "of or pertaining to a ho."
–M15 Bus
Overheard by: Lauren
Guy with suitcase on cell: I sent him a text asking if I could stay at his place, and he said sure. I find out today he was being sarcastic.
–116th & Broadway
Student: Okay, it's 3:20. I think it's an appropriate time to text Ben and tell him I had a sex dream about him.
–Sarah Lawrence College
Overheard by: Anna
NYU dude: You can’t flirt. That’s you’re problem.
NYU chick: Whatever. I have wit and charm. You’ve got a picture of Tom Hanks over your bed.
–NYU
Overheard by: Quippy Pasqual
Creepy hobo: Oh, you got some ice water, that looks good.
Preschool girl who has just pulled out water bottle: (gives him look)
Preschool teacher: Jasmine, put your water away!
Creepy hobo: She just wants some ice water.
Preschool teacher: Jasmine, do you know that man? Are you talking to him?
Preschool girl: No, he was talkin' to me!
Creepy hobo: We was just talkin' about ice water, nothin' wrong with that.
–N Train
Overheard by: Natalie
Man on cell: I have two phobias. The post office and the library. And you want me to go to the post office for you?
–University & 10th
College girl #1: What do you think is the saddest emotion or feeling?
College girl #2: I’m not sure, maybe fear.
College girl #1: Yeah, that’s a good one. Ya know, if we lived in Ethiopia you would have said hunger.
–71st between 2nd & 3rd
Overheard by: Lizz Tooher
Girl: Yeah, I always wear black…I’m, like, scared of colors.
–Elevator, Parsons School of Design
Guy: Yo, that Hamburgler’s a scary motherfucker, ’cause you never know what that nigga be sayin’. He be all “robble robble robble robble” and shit!
–23rd & 6th
Overheard by: Tacologic
Woman: Holy crap, you scared the hell out of me. What are you supposed to be anyway, Hercules?
Man: I’m Thor. Mighty son of Odin.
–N train
Loud guy: I can turn my dick into a Whopper with fries!
–MacDougal Ale House
Overheard by: Ladle
Small Indian boy: Penis! Penis! [His mother scolds him in Hindi.] … Penis!
–47th & 5th
10-year-old boy to friends: … And then he drew, like, three penises! And then I had to get home in, like, three and a half seconds!
–11th & 3rd
Overheard by: Hannah
Suit to another: Jesus Christ! It’s not my fault your penis drips!
–Times Square
Overheard by: Sydney
Dude to friend: Let’s think of words that rhyme with ‘dick.’
–49th & 7th
Pre-med chick: We had this cadaver in lab that we called ‘Schlongo’ because his penis was a foot long. No, seriously, it was really a foot long!
–Bodies Exhibit
Overheard by: a.j.w.
Hipster to friend having problems with ATM card: Maybe it's for normal people and you're just abnormally large.
–Village ATM
Overheard by: rafa
Overenthusiastic father of new skater: Oh, you know, it's her first time, so I wanted to make sure that I was there to help her through it so that it'd be extra-special for her.
–Wollman Rink, Central Park
Overweight woman: Where's Wang? Guys, where's Wang?
–Hard Rock Cafe
Tourist mom: It's not big enough to impress me.
–Grand Central
Overheard by: Not The Empire State, Surely
Loud woman: It was a three-legged pussy!
–Union Square Subway Station
Overheard by: Rachel K
Modern literature professor, after ending class early: Well, that's it, I've blown my load.
–Columbia University
Professor guy: What is “piecemeal legislation”?
Dude: Um…
Professor guy: Well, define the term “piecemeal”.
Dude: I’m not familiar with that word.
Professor guy: …Why don’t I just commit suicide right now?
–NYU, University & 8th
Overheard by: Leah Beirne
NYU gay #1: I have a fat ass.
NYU gay #2: Yeah, your ass is huge.
NYU gay #1: Well, I always say that it's better to have a fat ass than a fat belly. You can grab ass fat. Who wants to grab a gut?
NYU gay #2: True.
–10th & 4th Ave
