HS guy: He’s just so irritatingly flamboyant. The first day of class I didn’t want to sit in the front row. I was afraid he’d burst into flames.
–4 Train
Overheard by: Kaitlen
HS guy: He’s just so irritatingly flamboyant. The first day of class I didn’t want to sit in the front row. I was afraid he’d burst into flames.
–4 Train
Overheard by: Kaitlen
HS teacher with PhD, looking in stereo microscope at spores: Oh no, you won’t be able to see the hermaphrodites fully, they’re not sexually mature yet. [Dances around.]Student: Umm… Okay.
HS teacher with PhD, clapping hands: What you’ve got there is some sexually frustrated spores [keeps dancing, moves to next station, fiddles around with knobs] Ooh, ooh, your spores haven’t come yet, but they’ll look like mittens when they do.
[Student bursts into muffled laughing.]HS teacher with PhD: I know, aren’t spores fascinating? Are you laughing at my dancing?… Because biology just gets me so excited!
–Notre Dame Academy H.S., Staten Island
NYU nerdy chick on cell: The oral is going to be super hard. …But I think I’ll be good at it.
–NYU
Overheard by: kat
Clerk, to female co-worker: I keep my meat to the side.
–Walgreens, Atlantic Ave
Girl: Bite and suck, bite and suck, bite and suck!
–Szechuan Restaurant
Overheard by: tallierand
Female customer to employee: …the gum that has the things in it. She likes to chew on the ones with the blue balls.
–Duane Reade, Fresh Meadows
Overheard by: evan FM
College sophomore: … So yeah, I said "Mom, stop rotating my pickle!"
–USA #1 Deli, La Salle & Broadway
Overheard by: Xiao Hoah Dze
Father to younger son: So you like second base right?
–Douglaston Market, Queens
Overheard by: Noelle
Male student #1: It was like that movie where Reese Witherspoon gets finger-banged on the roller coaster.
Male student #2: Oh, yeah, definitely.
–Columbia University
Overheard by: Curious, yet horrified
Girl on cell: No, I am a dirty whore, but I’m a law student; I’m a smart dirty whore.
–51st & 2nd
Barnard girl: Yeah, so I'm minoring in African dance…
Guy: Oh.
Barnard girl: And homemaking. You know, knitting an crocheting and stuff…
Guy: Ohh…
Barnard girl: But my major is man-hating. Hardcore man-hating.
Guy: (silence)
Barnard girl: Just kidding. Math. I'm majoring in math.
–Starbucks, 113th & Broadway
University official: I confer upon you the degree of Honorary Doctor of Science.
Female undergrad #1: I have no idea what any of that means, but I’m sure it’s important.
Female undergrad #2: Do you know what you’re saying? What you’re talking right now is waves. She invented that.
–NYU commencement, Washington Square Park
Overheard by: Brian
Girl on cell: Sorry I texted you when you were giving birth.
–27th St & Park Ave
20-something girl: I kept saying, "I emailed a text to him!"
–Pub, 59th & 3rd
Overheard by: Bluetoothed them a postcard
20-something girl correcting her friend's text message: No, you don't need an apostrophe there. It's "hos," plural, not "of or pertaining to a ho."
–M15 Bus
Overheard by: Lauren
Guy with suitcase on cell: I sent him a text asking if I could stay at his place, and he said sure. I find out today he was being sarcastic.
–116th & Broadway
Student: Okay, it's 3:20. I think it's an appropriate time to text Ben and tell him I had a sex dream about him.
–Sarah Lawrence College
Overheard by: Anna
NYU dude: You can’t flirt. That’s you’re problem.
NYU chick: Whatever. I have wit and charm. You’ve got a picture of Tom Hanks over your bed.
–NYU
Overheard by: Quippy Pasqual
