Stupidity

Wednesday Drunk-Liners

Tipsy, barefoot woman, lifting skirt in broad daylight: Gotta air out my coochie!

–W 88th St

Belligerent drunk woman: I've never even heard of these fucking stops! (later) Scarsdale! I don't even know how to spell "Scarsdale"! Other than…Scarsdale. (later) What the fuck is Hartsdale? Slap me across the face with a big dick!

–Metro-North Train

Drunk girl to friends sitting on a couch left on the sidewalk: Don't sit on that couch, it's probably covered in bodily urine!

–East Village

Overheard by: Herr Professor Doktor

Drunk wife to drunk husband during poker game: Don't you dare tell me about things that I don't understand!

–Poker Game, Astoria

Overheard by: NYCWATERBABY

Drunk girl: Bedford Avenue does not know how to find the clit!

–L Train

Then My Students Turned Me on to Crack.

Crackhead #1: At the time I was going to school to become a peer educator…
Crackhead #2: Uh-huh.

–103rd St & 3rd Ave

Overheard by: Jonesy

The Puddles of Battery Acid Totally Sterilize It

Bimbette #1: Some people take roadkill and mount it on their walls.
Bimbette #2: Some people eat roadkill, too. They just take it off the street and cook it.
Bimbette #1: Oh… I don’t know if that’s really clean, though.
Bimbette #2: Well, it only got hit by a car. It didn’t get, like, whatever. It can’t be that dirty.
Bimbette #1: Oh, true.

–Dorm elevator, 3rd Ave N, NYU

Overheard by: freckles

What Happens When You Turn Your Mortarboard into a Bong

University official: I confer upon you the degree of Honorary Doctor of Science.
Female undergrad #1: I have no idea what any of that means, but I’m sure it’s important.
Female undergrad #2: Do you know what you’re saying? What you’re talking right now is waves. She invented that.

–NYU commencement, Washington Square Park

Overheard by: Brian

Trains and Trainables

Tourist Chick #1: There’s a subway on every corner in New York.
Tourist Chick #2: Really? Wow. How about the trains?

–Starbucks, Times Square

Overheard by: rei-ray

And Can't Afford Cocaine

Manhattan girl: Ugh. Things are so slow in Brooklyn!
Manhattan boy: The bank is faster in Manhattan, stores are faster, everything is so much faster.
Manhattan girl: Right, they couldn't afford to be this slow.
Manhattan boy: Well, it's cuz the population here is less educated.

–Walgreens, Williamsburg

Overheard by: Matthew K. Johnson

I Think TV and Times Square Are in a Dead Heat on That One

Teenage tourist: This is so cool! It’s like everything you see on TV but real!

–Times Square

Overheard by: scott

But Those Are the Only Presidents We’ve Had Who Were Related, Right?

Man looks down at Time magazine with Theodore Roosevelt on the cover.

Man: Wait. We had two President Roosevelts? When did that happen?
Supervisor: Yeah. There was, um, [looks at cover] Teddy, and, uh, shit. What was the other one named?
Man: I don’t know. Shit, man, history’s hard because, you know, there’s just so much of it. It’s, like, impossible to really understand it, I think.
Supervisor: Yeah, that’s true.

–K-Mart, 9th St & 4th Ave

Overheard by: appalled customer buying swim trunks

Wednesday One-liners Lost Their MetroCard

Hipster guy: Dude, he always blames it on the train dispatcher. He needs to own his problems, you know?

–F train

Overheard by: Patrick Di Justo

There's Always a High Fence Between Generations

20-something guy: That new Arizona law is messed-up, man. They are gonna have to…
60-something guy, interrupting: The law is right, they gotta get those Mexicans before they kill us.
20-something guy: What!?
60-something guy: I don't know what Obama is waiting for. They need to make Mexico a state.
20-something guy: Do you even know what your saying?
60-something guy: You're still young. I speak the truth.

–73rd St & Broadway

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