What Would Anti-Semites Do without Wednesday One-Liners?

Modern orthodox girl: … And I was like, ‘Why should I be considerate? He doesn’t even keep kosher!’

–Barnard College

Overheard by: Considerate of non-shellfish eaters and shellfish eaters alike

Guy on cell: Well, I’m only Jewish by injection…

–82nd & Madison

Overheard by: I’m only Catholic because I took a pill…

Woman: I think I’m just too Jewish for yoga.

–Park Slope

20-ish girl on cell: I mean, Jesus Christ! The Jews in the RV just won’t leave me alone!

–St. Mark’s & Ave B

Overheard by: Also accosted by the mitzvah tank

Man on cell: How did I pull off that deal? I’m a Jew, and that means I have powers over money that a dumb goyim like you can only dream of. It’s like Jewish superhero powers. Just call me ‘Super Jew.’

–Near Madison Square Garden

Overheard by: Lesbian Whisperer

Little boy: Uhhh, half New Yorkish and, uhhh, half Jewish — is that what I am, Mom? Half New Yorkish and half Jewish?

–Rockefeller Center

Overheard by: Rosie

Posted on September 11, 2014
Columbia (& Barnard), Compare/Contrast, Default, Family Ties, Girls, God Squad, Gripes, Guys, Judaism, Kids, Madison Square Garden, On Cell, Park Slope, Questions, Rockefeller Center, Stupidity, Union Square and East Village, Upper East Side, Women, Words

I Don't Recall Asking You the Time

Teenage boy: Did you know that “woman” spelled backwards is “kitchen”?
Female suit with briefcase: Go fuck yourself.

–Times Square

Posted on September 11, 2014
Gender issues, Insults, Questions, Stupidity, Suits, Teens, Times Square, Words

How Fitting

Guy #1 reading article: ‘The a-nulls of psychology’?
Guy #2: Dude, it’s ‘anals.’ You’re so stupid.

–Computer lab, NYU

Posted on September 10, 2014
Education, Idiots, NYU, Students, Stupidity, Words

Wednesday Drunk-Liners

Tipsy, barefoot woman, lifting skirt in broad daylight: Gotta air out my coochie!

–W 88th St

Belligerent drunk woman: I've never even heard of these fucking stops! (later) Scarsdale! I don't even know how to spell "Scarsdale"! Other than…Scarsdale. (later) What the fuck is Hartsdale? Slap me across the face with a big dick!

–Metro-North Train

Drunk girl to friends sitting on a couch left on the sidewalk: Don't sit on that couch, it's probably covered in bodily urine!

–East Village

Overheard by: Herr Professor Doktor

Drunk wife to drunk husband during poker game: Don't you dare tell me about things that I don't understand!

–Poker Game, Astoria

Overheard by: NYCWATERBABY

Drunk girl: Bedford Avenue does not know how to find the clit!

–L Train

Posted on September 9, 2014
All Wednesday One-Liners, Anger Management, Astoria, Bitch-slap, Cleanliness, Couples, Crazies, Drinking & Drunk People, Drunks, Friends, Girls, Insults, Names, Nudity, On the Subway, One-liners, Pee, Penis, Public Transportation, Questions, Street, Stupidity, Threats, Trains Not Subway, Union Square and East Village, Upper West Side & Lincoln Center, Vagina, Wednesday One-Liners, Weirdness, Women

Then My Students Turned Me on to Crack.

Crackhead #1: At the time I was going to school to become a peer educator…
Crackhead #2: Uh-huh.

–103rd St & 3rd Ave

Overheard by: Jonesy

Posted on September 9, 2014
Druggies, Education, School and studying, Stupidity, Upper East Side

The Puddles of Battery Acid Totally Sterilize It

Bimbette #1: Some people take roadkill and mount it on their walls.
Bimbette #2: Some people eat roadkill, too. They just take it off the street and cook it.
Bimbette #1: Oh… I don’t know if that’s really clean, though.
Bimbette #2: Well, it only got hit by a car. It didn’t get, like, whatever. It can’t be that dirty.
Bimbette #1: Oh, true.

–Dorm elevator, 3rd Ave N, NYU

Overheard by: freckles

Posted on September 8, 2014
Bimbettes, Food, NYU, Stupidity

What Happens When You Turn Your Mortarboard into a Bong

University official: I confer upon you the degree of Honorary Doctor of Science.
Female undergrad #1: I have no idea what any of that means, but I’m sure it’s important.
Female undergrad #2: Do you know what you’re saying? What you’re talking right now is waves. She invented that.

–NYU commencement, Washington Square Park

Overheard by: Brian

Posted on September 8, 2014
Education, Girls, Intelligentsia, Students, Stupidity, Talking/Convos, Washington Square Park

Trains and Trainables

Tourist Chick #1: There’s a subway on every corner in New York.
Tourist Chick #2: Really? Wow. How about the trains?

–Starbucks, Times Square

Overheard by: rei-ray

Posted on September 7, 2014
Girls, Idiots, Public Transportation, Questions, Starbucks, Stupidity, Tourists

And Can't Afford Cocaine

Manhattan girl: Ugh. Things are so slow in Brooklyn!
Manhattan boy: The bank is faster in Manhattan, stores are faster, everything is so much faster.
Manhattan girl: Right, they couldn't afford to be this slow.
Manhattan boy: Well, it's cuz the population here is less educated.

–Walgreens, Williamsburg

Overheard by: Matthew K. Johnson

Posted on September 6, 2014
Ahhh! Real New Yorkers, Compare/Contrast, Education, Idiots, Stupidity, Williamsburg

Stupidity