Stuyvesant Town

Dude: You’re such a slut!
Chick: How does leaving town make me a slut?
Dude: Uh, I was talking about your door-to-door nut-slapping service.

–Stuyvesant Town

Overheard by: Danielle is hot!

Guy on cell: No, no, no! He said they came to search him and he swallowed it.

–Sullivan & Bleecker

Teen girl at human limbs exhibit: Hmmm, I’m hungry.

–Bodies Exhibit, South St Seaport

Frat boy on cell: I miss you, baby. I love ya. I want to taste your saliva. Call me later when you’re drunk.

–University Pl & 14th St

Overheard by: Erin

Bimbette lighting a cigarette: This probably isn’t what I should be having for breakfast.

–14th St & 1st Ave

Man on cell: Have you talked about coating her in peanut butter and jelly and eating her like a sandwich? No? Okay.

–Starbucks, Court St, Brooklyn

Overheard by: MmmSandwich

Mom: Who’s the yummiest baby in the world? Is it you? Are you super-duper yummy?

–115th St & Broadway

Skater kid: What’s the point of being gay if you like girls who dress like boys?

–42nd St, between 7th & 8th Ave

Lady on phone: Yeah, she was working at a factory, but she was passing as a man… Well, she didn’t last a week at the factory.

–Bus in Lincoln Tunnel

TA: We live in a two-gender system of society. There’s no green ‘It’s a hermaphrodite!’ balloon to put out on your front lawn.

–NYU Silver Center

Overheard by: Limey

Chick: I mean, I feel frumpy here. For real. I’m sick of being like, ‘That guy is skinnier than me, has on nicer jeans, and has better makeup.’

–26th St

Overheard by: agrees with that girl

College student on cell: Great, I’ll see you soon. Can I be dressed as a woman?

–114th & Broadway

Mom to very young son: Some things are for boys, and some things are for girls. It was cute when you were little, but now it’s time to differentiate.

–Target, Atlantic Ave, Brooklyn

Queer #1: Ok, so read their body language and tell me if you think they are: 1) on a first date, but may go ahead and fuck tonight; 2) they are on maybe their third or fourth date, but have definitely had each other’s cock in their throats by now; or 3) they are full-on dating and fucking.
Queer #2: They’re on their first date. They’re way too into each other to already be dating.
Queer #1: Nice.
Both at the same time: Who do you think is the top?
Queer #2: Who do you think?
Queer #1: Well, just because white shirt is so hot, I’d want him to be the top. But, as you know, “Man of Steel, Heels of Helium.”
Queer #2: I know… Plus, the other one has to be the top. A bottom would never wear a plaid shirt.

–Nowhere Bar, E 14th Street

Overheard by: Gina Bruce

Chick #1: Do you have a safety pin?
Chick #2: What’s a safety pin?
Chick #1: Are you serious?
Chick #2: Yeah, I mean, what’s the difference between a safety pin and a paper clip? I know they both hold shit together, but, like, what’s the difference?

–23rd & 1st

Overheard by: Carly

A bunch of black high school kids in ghetto garb pass two preppily dressed white girls and make loud catcalls at them.

White girl #1: Where the fuck did they come from?
White girl #2: Um, someone took a shit in the sky.

–Outside Stuyvesant High School

Overheard by: Mexican On Wheels

JHS boy #1: Shut up before I have to put my ass in your mouth.
JHS boy #2: How the hell you gonna put your ass in my mouth?

–Central Park

Girl #1: It looked like you were getting pretty close with that guy on the dance floor.
Girl #2: I know! He was putting his dick all up in my ass like he knew me or something.

–11th between 3rd & 4th