Cuba Gooding Jr: “Show Me the Wednesday One-Liner!”

CEO on phone: Fuck you! Just get me the things I need to make money.

–12th & Broadway

Overheard by: Jeremy

Older man wearing yarmulke, screaming into cell: Hi! I think I left a check for $19,000 in the armoire, can you check if its there? (pause) Oh, good! I was so worried! I will deposit it tomorrow! (pause) Yeah! I'm going over the bridge! (pause) Okay? I gotta go! Bye!

–Q Train

Frustrated girl on cell: I've only got a metro card and $20! I can't take the bus!

–85th & Columbus

Overheard by: Jesse D

Female student: My dad didn't pay two $200,000 for me to be a bartender.

–Central Park

Overheard by: Greg

Singing hobo: I work hard for the money, I work hard for the money, so you better work hard for me!

–W 4th St

Overheard by: DRC

Bursar office attendant: All we do is take yo money.

–Pratt Institute

Posted on March 17, 2015
All Wednesday One-Liners, Bosses, Central Park, Clerks, College, Girls, Hobos, Homeless, Insults, Jobs & Careers, Money & Class, Offers and requests, Office politics, Old People, On Cell, On the Subway, One-liners, Parents, Public Transportation, Singing, Street, Students, Stupidity, The Village, Upper West Side & Lincoln Center, Wednesday One-Liners

Perhaps the Gentleman Meant He’d Like to Feel You on His Tongue?

Thug: Lookin’ fine, snowflake.
Blonde: Wait… Did that guy just call me a snowflake? That’s good, right?
Friend: I feel a new screen name coming on…

–Bleecker & Sullivan

Posted on March 16, 2015
Comebacks, Default, Friends, Girls, Nicknames & name calling, The Village, Thugs

Wouldn't Mind Going Over the River and through Her Woods, Eh?

Teen #1 (after looking up at advert for Sex and the City): Dude, Sarah Jessica Parker is like, so freakin hot!
Teen #2: She's older than your fucking mother!
Teen #1: Which like, so totally backs up my point.

–7th St

Overheard by: Joel Moore

Posted on March 15, 2015
Family Ties, MILF, Sex and the City, Teens, The Village

I Think I Saw This Lifetime Movie

Guy: Dude, you're pregnant.
Girl: I know…sucks, right?

–Greenwich Village

Posted on March 14, 2015
Girls, Guys, Insults, Pregnancy & Birth Control, The Village

‘I’ Before ‘E’, Except After ‘C’, or in Wednesday One-Liners

Guy on cell: Yeah, it’s weird, it feels like I’m still alive.

–W 8th & Broadway

Guy: I still think surprise necrophilia is weird.

–Robert Louis Stevenson School

Overheard by: Lucas

Man to woman companion: I hate single people. They’re all weird.

–90th b/w 2nd & 3rd

Man on cell: February is a weird month for Jews.

–9th St. and 3rd Ave

Overheard by: Hannah

Trader Joe’s employee to another: No, I would not call her weird. It takes a lot for me to call somebody else weird because I am not the most normal person on the planet myself. Meow!

–Trader Joe’s, Union Square

Overheard by: Ingwall

Observant girl: Just because you get weird haircuts doesn’t mean you’re smart.

–Bowery & Rivington

Posted on March 12, 2015
9 to 5-ers, All Wednesday One-Liners, Compare/Contrast, Coworkers, Fast Times at New York High, Girls, Grocery Stores, Guys, Hair, Insults, Judaism, Lower East Side, Men, On Cell, Relationships, Sensory Experiences, Street, The Village, Time, Union Square and East Village, Upper East Side, Upper West Side & Lincoln Center, Weirdness, Women

How Gary Posthumously Came Out to His Parents

Florist #1 (hanging up the phone) We just got a funeral.
Florist #2: Man or woman?
Florist #1: Man.
Florist #2: Goddammit! We have all these pink roses and nothing we can use them for!
Florist #1: We could always use them and hope that he was a flamer.

–Flower Shop, Greenwich Village

Posted on March 7, 2015
9 to 5-ers, Colors, Default, Gays and Lesbians, Gender issues, Gripes, Store, The Village, Trees and plants

Wednesday One-Liners Go Back to School

Art teacher: Now you are true students of FIT! Nobody listens to directions!

–FIT

Suit on cell: I don’t know if going through water is resistance or friction, do you? God! I am so tired of doing the kid’s homework!

–46th between 7th & 8th

Female student: I think I’m gonna learn a lot. They were saying things that went, like, right over my head.

–Fordham

Overheard by: Jess McGins

NYU girl on cell: No, I’m not going to waste the credits. I’m just going to fail the class on purpose.

–Bleecker & Mercer

Overheard by: Kristin

Drunk chick: I’m majoring in the doggy-style orgasm.

–Slainte, 1st & Bowery

Overheard by: Genevieve

Professor to class: Most of you are familiar with the breasts of members of the opposite sex who are close to your own age.

–Columbia University Medical Center

Professor: I have no idea what you’re saying, but I know you’re wrong.

–Vanderbilt Hall, NYU

Overheard by: The King Adrock

Posted on March 5, 2015
All Wednesday One-Liners, Bimbettes, Columbia (& Barnard), Drunks, Education, Elementary & Middle School, Fordham, Lower East Side, NYU, Rack, School and studying, Sex, Students, Suits, Teachers/Professors, The Village, Yeaaahhh College!

Does This Mean He’ll Stop Paying Me?

Girl #1: He called me his girlfriend today.
Girl #2: Really?!
Girl #1: Yeah.
Girl #2: Oh my god, that’s nuts. What did he say?
Girl #1: Well, he described me as his ’20-year-old, beautiful girlfriend.’
Girl #2: Oh my god.
Girl #1: Yeah. I mean, it’s awesome, but I don’t know what that means. He probably just, like, said it because ‘girlfriend’ is a much nicer word than, like, ‘whore.’

–Lafayette & Astor Pl

Posted on March 4, 2015
Girls, Nicknames & name calling, The Village, Words

The Most Horrifying Sound in the Universe

Bike guy: Well why don’t you shut up, bitch?
Woman: Whatever.
Bike guy: I’ll break my dick off in your mouth.

–Spring between Broadway & Crosby

Posted on March 2, 2015
Assholes, Insults, Penis, The Village

Funny Story — I Ended Up at a Different Orgy

Guy: So, tell me about this new boy.
Girl: Well, technically I’ve already slept with him.
Guy: Really?
Girl: Remember that orgy? The guy who wasn’t Richard? That was him.
Guy: You know, I wasn’t at that orgy.

–4th & Mercer

Posted on March 1, 2015
Dating, Friends, Hootchies, Orgy, The Village

The Village