Wannabe gangster, on opposite Up escalator, watching couple in their mid-20s kissing on Down escalator: Yeah, that’s what I’m talking about.
[Girl flashes a thumbs-up behind the guy’s back.]Wannabe gangster: Yo, that bitch is COOL!
–AMC Theatre, Times Square
Overheard by: just eating popcorn
Dwarf with walking disability: Could you go upstairs and get me a glass of water?
Man: Water? To drink?
Dwarf: Yeah, to drink. What do you think I’m gonna do with it, wash my hair?
Nearby woman: You could swim in it, I guess.
–Abington Theatre Lobby
Overheard by: Chris
Black security guard: Hello, and welcome to Urban Outfitters. Break it down, break it down, break it down, break it down, break it down…
–Urban Outfitters, 6th Ave
Security guy to woman whose bag is in the machine: Lady, there is something Batman-shaped in your bag. Do you have Batman in your bag? Are you aware that you are not allowed to take American heroes out of the country?
–LaGuardia
Overheard by: Susan
Big security guard: Put your IDs in the air! … And wave ’em around like you just don’t care!
–NYU SIlver Building
Security guard, into walkie talkie: Ice, get your balls out of your wife’s purse, and kick that guy out!
–Music Hall of Williamsburg, Jonathan Richman concert
Overheard by: j-bones
Guido chick: Hey, you over there. Yeah you, ain’t you Dwayne?
Thug: Yeah, what’s it to ya?
Guido chick: It’s me, Gina, from the neighborhood. Whatchya doin’ all the ways out here?
Thug: Workin’, babe, workin’.
Guido chick: Workin’ on what?
Thug: It’s pickpocket season. Now’s the times I makes my money.
Guido chick: Bitch, you best not be stealin’ from my family! I’ll bust a cap in ya ass and then tell my Uncle Carmine.
Thug: Don’t worry, bitch, I only hit on the tourists.
Guido chick: Okay, babe, see ya in the neighborhood. Come tell me how it works out.
–Wintergarden Theatre
Overheard by: Annmarie
Hobo: Hey, contribute to the marijuana cause!
Rock kid: No, that’s okay.
Hobo: I know you smoke — your parents don’t know, but I know, and so do you.
–Waverly Theater, 6th Ave
Old man: Where are the seat numbers?
Usher: On the right.
Old man: When I’m facing which way?
–Helen Hayes Theater, 44th St
Overheard by: Valerie Z
Woman: I’m glad it’s starting soon. I could use some laugh therapy.
Friend: Um, it’s not really a funny play…
Woman: Yeah — I was kidding.
Friend: Oh.
–Waiting to see King Lear, The Public Theater
Overheard by: could use it, too
Tourist girl to another: Oh my god, yes! Yeah, we’ll just walk back. Times Square is like a couple blocks away.
–11th St
Tourist, about Rent: Is this show always about Christmas time? Because I know there are some shows that they update for each season.
–Nederlander Theatre
Tourist lady: Tree! Where are you?
–Rockefeller Center
Overheard by: Robert
Tourist, navigating crowds: Oh my god! I, like, feel like Anne Frank.
–49th & 8th
Overheard by: Claustrophobic
Tourist: Where’s a Duane What’s-his-nuts when you need it?
–45th & 8th
Overheard by: Ben Smith
Tourist girl: … Are we in a dungeon?
–Track 4, Penn Station
Teen boy: Mom, are you sure that woman isn’t the same as the one in Phantom of the Opera?
Mom: I’m sure. It’s a different actress.
Teen boy: Because it’s that same loud-ass style of singing.
Mom: Broadway singing.
Teen boy: Yeah. Really loud-ass singing. I wonder where the school is for that.
—Tarzan intermission, Richard Rogers Theatre
Overheard by: I wondered that myself
Conductor: Are you going to work? Are you going somewhere? Let us know by getting out of train doors.
–R train, Lexington Ave stop
Bartender swinging nipple tassels: Can you believe they wouldn’t let me do this at my old job?!
–Bar, Broadway, between 76th & 77th
Overheard by: Lezbotron
IT guy: I can break whatever I want, because I fix it!
–Office, 45th & 3rd
Overheard by: beans
I-banker to two others: He got the bonus for people that don’t get bonuses.
–Metro-North
Comedy club flyer guy: I hate my job, and it’s all your fault!
–Times Square
30-something hippie at show: 2008 is the year that I get a job.
–New Year’s Eve concert
Overheard by: Smash
