Son Of a Wednesday One-Liner Man

Evangelist outside gym: You want to be a macho man? Look at Jesus!

–Broadway & Prince

Street evangelist on microphone: Y'all ever see two female pigeons in bed together?

–Fordham Plaza

Very agitated priest: Jesus was a zygote once–what if Mary aborted him?

–St. Luke's Church, Whitestone

Crazy subway evangelist: If god could make me a good crackhead, you best believe he could make me a good preacher.

–E Train

Overheard by: Giggling at crack

Preacher: And that's why your religion is null and void.

–Union Square

Overheard by: Alfie

Posted on December 10, 2015
Abortion, All Wednesday One-Liners, Birds, Christianity, Christians, Compare/Contrast, Crazies, Gays and Lesbians, God, God Squad, Hard Drugs, Jesus, On the Subway, One-liners, Preachers, Queens, Questions, Religion, Sex, Sexuality, Soho, Street, Union Square and East Village, Upper East Side, Wednesday One-Liners, Weirdness, Wishes & desires

The College Reunion Was a Mistake, Huh?

Student: How was your break?
Math teacher: Screw you!

–Hunter College High School

Overheard by: citysnidget

Posted on December 9, 2015
Default, Hunter, Insults, Questions, Students, Teachers/Professors, Upper East Side

Hillary Knows How To Host a Re-election Party

Girl #1: Remember at that party when that stripper picked up a dollar bill with her pussy lips?
Girl #2: Ohhh, yeah — that wasn’t a stripper. That was a full-on whore.

–77th & 1st

Overheard by: mjg

Headline by: clink

Runners-Up:
· “… and It Wasn’t a Dollar Bill. That Was a Full-on Penis” – Caro
· “America DOES Have Talent” – Staci Lynn
· “Because I Saw That Thing Give Change” – nicky c.
· “But We Call Her Aunt Gladys” – Mark Paul
· “I Was Just Shocked She Did It through Her Jeans.” – SAtCW
· “Kind Of Like the Difference Between Maury Povich and Springer” – alana landa

Click here to see the new Headline Contest

Posted on December 8, 2015
Celebrations/Parties, Friends, Headline Contest Winners, Jobs & Careers, Money & Class, Prostitution, Strippers, Upper East Side, Vagina

Where Rosie Perez Was a Joy Forever

Woman looking at designer sunglasses in store window: A thing of beauty is a joy forever.
Man in pea coat: My man John Keats said that. John Keats, that’s my man.
Woman: Where do you know that Keats line from?
Man in pea coat: White Men Can’t Jump.

–87th & 3rd

Overheard by: Geez

Posted on November 23, 2015
Beauty, Books & Writing, Movies, Strangers, Upper East Side

Wednesday One-Liners Take Up Hobbies

Middle-aged woman: I really never cared for skiing, but I was so alone in my marriage, I found it was a great way to meet men.

–Burritoville, 77th & 2nd

Meathead #1, to meathead #2: Hey! Want to go to a ballroom club?

–47th & Madison

Guy, to passersby: Game of chess? Play chess? Chess?…Also got chronic.

–Washington Square Park

Overheard by: Phil

Posted on November 22, 2015
All Wednesday One-Liners, Clubs, Guys, Idiots, Infidelity, Marriage, Midtown & Hell's Kitchen, Questions, Restaurants & Cafes, Sports, Stupidity, Upper East Side, Washington Square Park, Women

Wednesdays Make You Want to Have One-Liners of Your Own

Little white boy to frustrated black nanny who is trying to hail a cab: My daddy always gets a taxi!

–Houston & Broadway

Overheard by: Dan

Little boy: This place is like a dead zoo.

–American Museum of Natural History

Four-year-old boy: Yo, this sofa is mad comfy!

–Used Furniture Store, Staten Island

Four-year-old boy: That’s enough, I’m calling Interpol!

–A Train

Overheard by: Swarles

Little girl to mom after terrible Skyride attraction: Mommy, can we never do this again?
(random guy behind her starts laughing) Stop it! Stop laughing at me!

–Empire State Building

Overheard by: Claire

Eight-year-old boy: This museum is inappropriate.

–The Metropolitan Museum of Art, Greek & Roman Sculpture Wing

Overheard by: Taylor

Posted on November 21, 2015
All Wednesday One-Liners, Animals & Nature, Boys, Cars and Driving, Compare/Contrast, Cops, Death, Empire State Building, Glad the Condom Broke, Kids, Laughter, Murray Hill and Gramercy, Museum of Natural History, Offers and requests, On the Subway, Parents, Soho, Staten Island, Store, The Met, Upper East Side, White People

In New York They Mean the Same Thing

Preppy girl to honking SUV driver: Fuck you!
Asian guy, walking other way: Bless you!

–59th & Park

Overheard by: Just trying to cross the street

Posted on November 16, 2015
Asians, Compare/Contrast, Compliments, Default, Etiquette, Girls, Insults, Preppies, Street, Upper East Side

Have You Learned Nothing from My Teachings?

Mom: Don’t kick that box! It could have a bomb in it!
Four-year-old boy: Oh, great, Mom. Something else to worry about.

–58th & 2nd

Overheard by: Ethan

Posted on November 7, 2015
Gripes, Kids, Moms, Upper East Side

The Nucular Option Was in the Pre-Nup

Blonde model: I can’t believe she wants President Bush at her wedding!
Brunette model: I know. What if he says “nuc-u-lar” or something!?
Blonde model: Why would he say “nuc-u-lar” at a wedding?
Brunette model: Helloooo? Because he’s the President!
Blonde model: True…

–67th & Madison

Posted on September 30, 2015
Celebrations/Parties, Idiots, Models, President, Stupidity, Talking/Convos, Upper East Side, Words

Wednesday One-Liners Would Like to Thank the Academy

Sassy eight-year-old to mother: You don't know Spanish except what you learned from Selena.

–2 Train

Chick on cell: Watching 27 Dresses in a cheetah robe…

–110th & Broadway

Overheard by: Virginia

Little boy, as his mother asks for directions: Great, we're lost in New York City. It's like Home Alone!

–Across from Spamalot Theatre

Fag to hag: Don't you remember that time on Titanic when Leonardo DiCaprio told you not to just talk about it, but do it? He was gonna teach you how to spit like a man and ride a horse like a man, and then the ship sank and he died. This is your moment. Spit, woman, spit!

–Natural History Museum

(at a screening of The Shining)
Woman: Haha! How can a ghost open a door? This movie sucks!

–Empire-Fulton Ferry State Park

Thug to another: And she said she wanna go to the movies. And I said I don't wanna go to the movies, I want some pussy!

–57th & 9th

Overheard by: JPM

Panhandler on train: Please, I can't afford the rent at the YMCA because they just raised it. So if anyone has some money or some food or something to drink, it would really help me out. Jesus loves people who help poor people. Also, don't forget to see the new summer blockbuster Hellboy II. It's really great.

–F Train

Overheard by: JB

Posted on September 28, 2015
About Celebrities, Advice, All Wednesday One-Liners, Boys, Brooklyn, Clothing, Compare/Contrast, Death, Gender issues, Girls, Homeless, Jews, Kids, Languages, Midtown & Hell's Kitchen, Money & Class, Movies, Museum of Natural History, On Cell, On the Subway, Panhandling, Queer guys, Questions, Sex, Thugs, Upper East Side, Upper West Side & Lincoln Center, Vampires, Ghouls, and Ghosts, oh my!, Wishes & desires, Women

Upper East Side

Have You Learned Nothing from My Teachings?