He’s Just Not That Into Your Calendar

Girl #1: So he told me that no matter what happens on June 31st, he will come to my house and we’ll discuss our wedding.
Girl #2: I wish my boyfriend would be there for me.
Girl #1: It sounds nice, doesn’t it? Except there is no 31st of June.

–Washington Square Park

Overheard by: Ting

Catholic schoolgirl: I am so mature! I’m gonna be 16 soon. That means I can drive.
Boyfriend: That’s awesome.
Catholic schoolgirl: How many months is that in?
Boyfriend: I dunno…
Catholic schoolgirl: Let’s see…June, July, August, September, November…December? No, that’s not right…January, February, April, May…

–N train

Overheard by: Olga Kogan

Posted on January 31, 2015
Age/Aging, Birthdays, Couples, Friends, Idiots, Marriage, On the Subway, Stupidity, Time, Washington Square Park

Wednesday One-Liners Graduate Magna Cum Laude

Young man: I think I hurt my throat when impersonating Mark having an orgasm.

–Washington Square Park

Overheard by: Harmony Davis

Older queer to boyfriend: Uh! Uh! I'm gonna cum! I'm gonna cum! I have to have this record! It's so good! It makes me orgasm!

–W 72nd S, Record Store

Overheard by: Never achieved an orgasm that way…

Punk kid to two friends: I want to pierce my shaft and put different things in it so I can give girls better orgasms.

–West Village

Overheard by: Andy & Nick

Man on pay phone: I want to come all over your cock.

–Astor Place

Overheard by: sofia

Drunk chick, loudly as the bar goes silent: I could make you come with one finger!

–Bar, Fulton St

Overheard by: Izzy

Posted on January 30, 2015
All Wednesday One-Liners, Bars & Clubs, Body Parts, Couples, Cum, Drunks, Friends, Girls, Health and Hygiene, Men, On Cell, One-liners, Orgasm, Parks, Penis, Punks, Queer guys, Shopping, Store, Street, Stupidity, The Village, Upper West Side & Lincoln Center, Wall Street, TriBeCa, South Street Seaport, Washington Square Park, Wednesday One-Liners, Weirdness, West Village, Wishes & desires

It'll Be a Brilliant Follow-up to Your Last Term Paper, “Why George Washington's a Big Poopyhead”

NYU girl #1: So what are you going to call your essay?
NYU girl #2: “Why Ansel Adams sucks.” By Tina*.
NYU girl #1: That sounds about right.

–Washington Square Park

Overheard by: Bruce Lee

Posted on January 29, 2015
Books & Writing, Insults, Parks, Students, Visual Art, Washington Square Park

Wednesday Sung Liners

Metalhead, playing guitar and singing: Buy some fuckin' poptarts /buy some fuckin' weed/ buy some fuckin' cigarettes/buy everything you need!

–Washington Square Park

Overheard by: j

Singing hobo pushing cart: I am wiiiise. I am wise!

–Union Square Station

Overly flamboyant gay guy, singing: I kissed a girl and I liked iiiit. (swishes hips while walking)

–11th St & 7th Ave

Overheard by: Mal Sullivan

Singing gay guy to another, clapping hands in rhythm: You look like a cunt, you act like a cunt, you smell like a cunt, you feel like a cunt…

–2 Train

Overheard by: drew

Hobo, getting into train and taking out electric guitar and amp: Ladies and gentlemen, may I have your attention please! This song is for the white lady with the orange pocketbook. She reminds me of Martha Stewart…when she got out of jail. (starts singing) 3 train white lady is my girl, my girl, my girl!

–Downtown 3 Train

Overheard by: Jingles

Little girl in stroller, singing happily: Doe, a deer, a hee-hale deer. Ray, a drop of golden pee-pee…

–E Train

Posted on January 27, 2015
About Celebrities, All Wednesday One-Liners, Compare/Contrast, Gays and Lesbians, Gender issues, Hobos, Insults, K-I-S-S-I-N-G, Kids, Music, Musicians, On the Subway, One-liners, Parks, Pee, Physical appearance, Prison, Queer guys, Race, Shopping, Singing, Smoking, Street, Subway stations, platforms, etc., The Village, Union Square and East Village, Washington Square Park, Wednesday One-Liners, Weed, Weirdness, Words

The Race Is to the Swift, the Slice Is to the Strong

Pizza lady: Next.
[No one responds.]Pizza lady in loud, harsh voice: Next!
Loud, black girl at the beginning of the line: Okay!
Random NYU student: Wow, the pizza line is rough today.

–NYU Kimmel Center

Posted on January 27, 2015
Black People, Default, Etiquette, Girls, NYU, Offers and requests, Pizza, Restaurants & Cafes, Students, Washington Square Park

Real Sunlight Isn’t Slippery Enough

Queer: So, I freaked out earlier this morning. I went to the bathroom to take a piss, whipped it out, and my dick was brown!
Fag hag, horrified: Did you not clean yourself good after anal?
Queer: No, no, I always do! But, like, I’m thinking I have an STD or something! My heart almost stopped!
Fag hag: So… Do you?
Queer: Well, no. Then I looked at my hand and it was brown, too. Then I remembered — last night I masturbated with my sister’s self tanner.

–Washington Square Park

Overheard by: trying to get the mental image out of my head

Posted on January 11, 2015
Colors, Fag Hags, Penis, Queer guys, Washington Square Park

That Was Fun! I Should Try Thinking More Often!

Bimbette #1, after motorcycle zooms by somewhere in the distance: What was that?
Bimbette #2: I dunno… I kinda thought it was a cow.

–Washington Square West

Overheard by: i’m sorry…don’t we live in Manhattan?

Posted on December 31, 2014
Animals & Nature, Bimbettes, Stupidity, Washington Square Park

It Dislodged Several Ceiling Tiles

Skinny NYU girl #1: Oh my god, I couldn’t believe it happened. It’s one of those things you have nightmares about.
Skinny NYU girl #2: I know. Don’t people know they shouldn’t eat for at least two hours before?
Skinny NYU girl #1: Duh, totally. Who farts in the middle of yoga class?
Skinny NYU girl #2: She’ll have to go to therapy for months.

–Washington Square Park

Overheard by: Michelle Eisenberg

Posted on December 30, 2014
Advice, Farting & Burping, Skinny People, Washington Square Park, Yoga

So I Can Totally Identify

(at an academic conference on Renaissance aesthetics)
Student #1: You know it's gonna be good when all the speakers are British.
Student #2: Pretty sure they're Australian.
Student #1: Oh… Posers!

–Gallatin Building, NYU

Overheard by: harker

Posted on December 27, 2014
Compare/Contrast, Default, Global Geography, Insults, NYU, Students, Washington Square Park

Peeing is Neither Mental nor a Disease

Hobo: If you see me pissin’ on your lawn, it’s my disease. I have mental illness. I just got out of psychiatric.

At this point he whipped it out and proceeded to water a tree.

–Washington Square Park

Posted on December 18, 2014
Crazies, Handicaps, Hobos, Pee, Washington Square Park