Wednesday One-Liners from H-E Double Hockey Sticks

Guy looking at books, to no one in particular: I don’t want to hear or see anything about the devil, demons, voodoo or big hairy black guys.

–Barnes & Noble

Overheard by: 153

Guy hawking pamphlets: How to sucker punch the devil right in the ass!

–W 12th & Brodway

Overheard by: Why didn’t I get that pamphlet?!

Coworker about colleague: Every time he comes by here the number 666 comes up.

–1250 Broadway

Punk kid, walking past a group of nuns: Hail Satan!

–Waverly & Greene

Professor: I don’t want to be saved, I want to go to hell. I’ll meet interesting people there!

–Cooper Union, Astor Place

Overheard by: Hopefully not me!

Crazy older lady screaming on cell: You what? You are buying soda? You are going to go to fucking hell! Don’t you remember the promise you made to god? You’re probably standing in line with some goddamn candy too. You are going to hell!

–W Train

Overheard by: DR G LUV

Posted on September 18, 2015
Advice, All Wednesday One-Liners, Boys, Compare/Contrast, Coworkers, Crazies, Drinks, Fears, Flyer people, Food, Guys, Old People, On the Subway, Punks, Questions, Satan, Store, Teachers/Professors, The Village, Threats, Union Square and East Village, Wishes & desires, Women

As Exemplified in My Christmas Card Photo

Lady #1: Where are we going to sleep?
Lady #2: We can put the mattresses together.
Lady #3: But there's gonna be a crack.
Lady #1: I'll sleep in the crack.
Lady #2: I love crack!

–Rockefeller Center

Overheard by: Cait Saint

Posted on September 18, 2015
Hard Drugs, Questions, Rockefeller Center, Sensory Experiences, Women

The Post Office Does Manage to Disappear Packages

Woman #1: Excuse me, could you hold my place in line?
Woman #2: What do I look like, a magician?

–Post Office, Sunnyside

Posted on September 4, 2015
Biotechs, Magic, Queens, Women

NewsFlash: Cheerfulness Detected in Bronx. Quickly Nullified.

Old black lady: Bus driver, you a dumb motherfucker! You just turned down the wrong street!
Man: Don’t worry, Mr. Bus Driver, I still have faith in you.
Old black lady, to man: Get your faggot-ass off the bus!

–8 bus, Bronx

Posted on August 28, 2015
Black People, Default, Insults, Men, Old People, On the Bus, Only in New York, Public Transportation, Women

Which, Luckily, is Self-Propelled, as Seen in Ghostbusters 2

Woman, talking about the Italian feast in Williamsburg: And they have games and rides and food. And at the end of the week they get strong men together to carry the statue.
Tourist: The Statue of Liberty?

–Williamsburg

Overheard by: just the driver

Posted on August 27, 2015
Brooklyn, Ethnic Food, Food, Parades & Festitivites, People, Places, Statue of Liberty, Topics, Tourists, Williamsburg, Women

How Do You Like Being Told What to Put Your Mouth On?

Woman to hobo hacking up a lung while smoking: You should quit!
Hobo: Kiss my dick.

–92nd & 1st

Overheard by: monster

Posted on August 25, 2015
BJs, Comebacks, Hobos, Insults, Penis, Smoking, Upper East Side, Women

I Guess Today They’re Riding

Old black lady: Oh lord, Satan’s children are walking the streets
Goth kid: Shut the fuck up, Rosa Parks. Go sit in the back of the fucking bus!

–M86 bus

Overheard by: Metal Martyr

Posted on August 14, 2015
Black People, Girls, God Squad, Guys, History & Geography, Insults, Old People, On the Bus, Race, Religion, Threats, Weirdness, Women

It’s Wonderful How Women Listen to Each Other

PR woman #1: So, my cousin’s test on her biopsy showed that it was cancerous…
PR woman #2: Girl, that nuttin’. My best friend’s sister’s husband — he’s a doctor — was drivin’ to the city from New Jersey yesterday, got outta his car and got run over by a truck.

–Union Square station

Overheard by: drfunk

Posted on August 13, 2015
Cancer, Compare/Contrast, Coworkers, Death, Union Square and East Village, Women

That, or a Botched Suicide Attempt

Middle aged woman: When you hear him say that, you just grab some cake and ice cream.
Younger woman: Why?
Middle aged woman: Because that means he just dumped you…and you'll need to gain some weight to make him feel like asshole.

–Central Park

Posted on August 13, 2015
Breaking Up, Central Park, Diet/Weight, Food, Questions, Women

…But You're Probably Right About the Shower.

Passenger to woman stumbling on crowded train and talking to herself: Shut up and take a shower you crackhead!
Drug-addled woman: I'm not a crackhead, I'm a dope-fiend!

–A Train

Overheard by: david

Posted on August 13, 2015
Cleanliness, Druggies, Drugs, Insults, On the Subway, Passengers, Women