Woman #1: Any time she needs a cigarette, she comes to me.
Woman #2: Uh-huh.
Woman #1: And I be, like, when I need a cigarette, why ain't your monkey-ass never have none?
–Marcy & Fulton, Brooklyn
Woman #1: Any time she needs a cigarette, she comes to me.
Woman #2: Uh-huh.
Woman #1: And I be, like, when I need a cigarette, why ain't your monkey-ass never have none?
–Marcy & Fulton, Brooklyn
Woman: But I can't make it, because I have a laser hair-removal appointment at one o'clock.
Man: Uh, where are you getting the hair removed?
Woman: My legs, parts of my crotch, and my armpits.
Man: Aweeeeeeeeeeeeeeeesome!
–Washington Square
Woman: Why the fuck would you put a chicken in the juice machine?
Man: It’s common sense.
–72nd & Broadway
Overheard by: Alexei Lebedev
(excited dog jumps onto lady)
Lady: Oh, why are you so frisky?
Dog walker: He's a puppy.
Lady: Oh, so he's new to New York? Soon he'll be just as jaded and angry as the rest of us.
–32nd & 2nd
Overheard by: Tacomeat
Black bagger: I got to get me a soos. Man, I need a soos. Honey, you know where I could get me one?
Black woman paying for groceries: No.
Black bagger: Oh, hey I bet this guy knows. Hey guy! You! Do you know where I could find me a massage therapist?
White guy in line: I have no idea.
Black bagger: Oh, damn; I thought you’d know.
–Supermarket, Nostrand Ave, Stuyvesant Town
Overheard by: Duncan Pflaster
12-year-old girl to friend: So, he asked me for a piggyback ride and grabbed onto my boobs! Isn’t that what you call sexism? When you’re a perv? Sexist?
–6th & Houston
Overheard by: Ha, ha, Mal.
Man on cell: You’re an eight, but you’d be a ten if your boobs were bigger…
–19th & 7th
Girl: Where’s my phone? … Oh, there’s my boob.
–Prospect Heights, Brooklyn
Overheard by: Mariah
Woman on cell: I have to throw my breasts around and tell every guy I want to have sex with them at work.
–68th & 2nd
Chick on cell: I haven’t yet met him, you know, but he has a Christmas card featuring my boobies on his fridge.
–LIRR
Overheard by: Ladle
Guy on phone: His dad’s, like, crazy, and he lives in a house all by himself, and the saddest thing is… the saddest thing is this guy’s dad is even uglier than our dad!
–Waverly Place b/w Mercer & Greene
Woman: Don’t even think about humping your father’s feet!
–President & Columbia
[Before the start of the NYC pillow fight.]Pillow-fighter: I’m gonna beat you all down like you were my daddy! [Hits people with his pillow.] Why weren’t you there, dad, why!?
–Union Square
Guy on cell: Hey dude, my flight has been delayed like an hour, yeah it does suck… [Pause.] Dude, from this point on I’m calling you "daddy". No: "big daddy". Yeah, hey big daddy…
–US Airways Terminal, Laguardia Airport
Little girl pointing at a grizzly bear: Daddy! Daddy!
–Museum of Natural History
50-something woman: Do you have baked goods?
Girl with empty wicker basket: Excuse me?
50-something woman: Baked goods. Where are you going with them?
Girl with empty wicker basket (slowly looking into basket and then back at woman): To grandmother's house.
–Penn Station
Overheard by: Little Red Riding Ho
Black lady #1: Dr. Marbles? Like marbles? Like marbles you pick up and play with?
Black lady #2: Girl, you need to change your tonation…
–Columbia
Overheard by: Tonation hopefully in check
