The Superfluous Eruditeness Of Wednesday One-Liners

Pompous, insane English professor: Right now I am being plagued by a contagion, but I will return your reports anon.

–Barnard College

Student, to friend who just bashed the side of his head: What the hell? You're hurting my ganglia!

–Columbia University

Overheard by: John David

Black mom to teen daughter walking away from her: No, you get back here and listen to what I'm sayin! You gotta pay attention–niggas be instigatin!

–Nassau & Fulton

Overheard by: Tigertail

First year legal scholar: I feel like our relationship is terminated for perpetuity.

–Grand Central

Overheard by: bunbury

Yuppie on phone: Wait. (pause) Bruhaha, right?

–70th & Broadway

Posted on July 28, 2015
All Wednesday One-Liners, Black People, Body Parts, Columbia (& Barnard), Columbia University, Crazies, Friends, Grand Central, Illness, On Cell, One-liners, Parents, Questions, Relationships, Street, Students, Teachers/Professors, Teens, Time, Upper West Side & Lincoln Center, Wall Street, TriBeCa, South Street Seaport, Wednesday One-Liners, Weirdness, Words, Yuppies

When Trannies Slip in New York, It’s the High Heels

Mom: Yeah, he said trannies really aren’t his thing, so I guess we’ll have to ask someone else.
Daughter: Wait, what?
Mom: You know, transmissions. Why, what did you think?
Daughter: Ummm…

–JFK

Overheard by: trooshieb

Posted on July 27, 2015
Default, Girls, JFK Airport, Moms, Trannies, Weirdness, Words

That’s Mistress Mayhem to You

Guy: Thanks, ma’am.
Teenage cashier: Did he just call me “ma’am?”? Do I look like a ma’am? I don’t look that old, do I?
Guy: No, no; “ma’am” is a sign of respect, not age.
Teenage cashier: Okay, then.
Guy: Uh, thanks, hot mama.
Teenage cashier: Did he just call me “hot mama”?

–Gourmet Garage, Broadway

Overheard by: Duncan Pflaster

Posted on July 26, 2015
Age/Aging, Assholes, Comebacks, Customers, Gripes, Grocery Stores, Guys, Shopping, Stupidity, Talking/Convos, Teens, Upper West Side & Lincoln Center, Words

Why John Bought a Laser Pointer

(attractive girls are sitting to the right)
Guy #1: Yo, look at 3 o'clock.
Guy #2: Nah, dude what are you taking about… It is 1:30.
Guy #1: I mean the 3 o'clock direction!
Guy #2: Oh!… Wait, the hour hand or the minute hand?

–Baruch College, 25th St

Overheard by: Richard Parker

Posted on July 25, 2015
Advice, College, Default, Guys, Murray Hill and Gramercy, Questions, Stupidity, Time, Words

She’s a Halo Addict

Lady on cell: Oh, I can’t wait to play with you!
Check-in agent: Excuse me?

–Terminal 7, JFK

Overheard by: Jonathan Katz

Posted on July 25, 2015
Clerks, Default, JFK Airport, Offers and requests, On Cell, Questions, Sexuality, Women, Words

You Think They’re Your Friends? That’s So Cute.

Jogger girl #1: We should go out tonight to this cool new bar I heard of.
Jogger girl #2: Okay, where is it?
Jogger girl #1: Somewhere in the Fla-teer-on District.
Jogger girl #2: … You mean the Flatiron District?
Jogger girl #1: Oh my god, I’m such an idiot. I’ve been telling all my friends at work about it — why haven’t they corrected me?

–88th & York

Overheard by: Moderately amused

Posted on July 24, 2015
Bimbettes, Clubs, Friends, NYC Geography, Stupidity, Upper East Side, Words

“Well, you speak in oxymorons!”

Girl: I’m feeling a little Rubenesque today.
Guy: Ruben Studdard?
Girl: You’re a dipshit.

–72nd & Columbus

Posted on July 23, 2015
Friends, Upper West Side & Lincoln Center, Words

Wednesday One-Liners Prefer to Think of It As “Well-Traveled”

Hipster guy to hipster chick: …and he's like, "I didn't come; why is there so much come all over?" And she's like, "Oh, you're number 23." So he's like, "Oh, okay." And he starts pounding away again!

–Bedford & 11th, Williamsburg

Overheard by: Kaitlen

Woman, with her mouth about an inch from a guy, about to kiss him: I can't, I already had sex with three guys today.

–Grand Central

Overheard by: Derek

Girl to friend: I'm really worried about her. I think she has a serious case of slutism.

–66th & Columbus

Preppy girl on cell: Yeah, so apparently "Happy hour Tuesday" equals "Walk of shame Wednesday." I just wish I could've been working at my job for more than a week before I walked in reeking of shame and spermicide. (pause) Actually, I wish the spermicide thing was true. Then I wouldn't have to drop $50 bucks today on plan B.

–Wall St

Teenage boy on cell: She's still sleeping with my brother. I mean, my brother is sleeping with like ten other girls…but she's in his regular rotation.

–Starbucks, Montague Street

NYU student on cell: But logic doesn't call you back. Logic sleeps with you and leaves in the morning.

–Kimmel Center

Posted on July 22, 2015
All Wednesday One-Liners, Boys, Cum, Family Ties, Girls, Grand Central, Guys, Hipsters, Hook Ups, Illness, Jobs & Careers, On Cell, Philosophy, Pregnancy & Birth Control, Preppies, Sex, Sloppy Seconds, Starbucks, Students, Teens, Upper West Side & Lincoln Center, Wall Street, TriBeCa, South Street Seaport, Washington Square Park, Weirdness, Williamsburg, Women, Words

Time for That Coming-Out Party

Guy #1: Man, I feel really, like, weird. I don’t know how to explain it!
Guy #2: I do, man. One word: muchachos.

–Wall St

Posted on July 22, 2015
Guys, Wall Street, TriBeCa, South Street Seaport, Words

Tonight, on Stereotype My Ride…

14-year-old #1: …a white car with a red stripe. Those are the people that steal shit.
14-year-old #2: They steal shit?
14-year-old #1: Yeah. Or murder. Something.

–Colonial Road & 74th St, Brooklyn

Overheard by: Jon A.

Posted on July 21, 2015
Brooklyn, Crime and Punishment, Default, Murder, Teens, Words

Words