Wednesday One-Liners May Leave a Bad Taste in Your Mouth

Bland middle-aged woman: It's not like you're giving head in the Port Authority bathroom!

–Washington Square Park

Overheard by: j

English tourist: You'll go home and people will ask: "So what did you do on holiday?" You'll reply: "Oh, I gave the Empire State Building a blowjob!"

–34th St

Guy on cell: Ugh, fuck me in the ass. No… no, not you. Meanie. Why don't you just suck my dick. Suck my dick!

–34th Street

Dude on cell: It was like getting a blowjob from the inside.

–8th Ave & 53rd St

Guy on cell: Is that the guy that's been sucking your dick?

–81st & Amsterdam

Overheard by: Kelley

Young guy on cell: And then I said: "I could really use a blowjob right now." She was offended!

–48th & Park

Young black man to friend: Just because she sucks my dick doesn't make her Oprah Winfrey.

–B48 Bus

Posted on October 28, 2019
About Celebrities, All Wednesday One-Liners, Backdoor, BJs, Black People, Brits, Etiquette, Gays and Lesbians, Guys, Leisure, Midtown & Hell's Kitchen, On Cell, On the Bus, Questions, Sensory Experiences, Tourism, Tourists, Travel, Upper West Side & Lincoln Center, Washington Square Park, Weirdness, Women

They’re Well Past Her at “Almost Pretty”

Almost pretty girl #1: Wow, I look just like Paris Hilton.
Almost pretty girl #2: You wish you looked like Paris Hilton.
Almost pretty girl #1: I do, actually.

–N train

Posted on October 18, 2019
About Celebrities, Beauty, Girls, On the Subway

Orange You Glad He Didn’t Say Banana?

Suit #1: Sounds like Bugsy Siegel.
Suit #2: Yeah.
Suit #1: You know who Bugsy Siegel is, right?
Suit #2: Sure, yeah.
Suit #1: You know who he is?
Suit #2: Yeah. Look–
Suit #1: You know who he is?
Suit #2: Yeah, yeah–
Suit #1: Who is he, then?
Suit #1: Who gives a shit?

–Broadway & Leonard deli

Overheard by: Mel

Posted on September 30, 2019
About Celebrities, Restaurants & Cafes, Suits, Wall Street, TriBeCa, South Street Seaport

Never Leaves the House

Guy #1: It’s too bad what that stingray did to Steve Irwin, but it was just an unpreventable accident.
Guy #2: Unpreventable?! He shoulda stayed in the fuckin’ boat!

–Kevin St. James Bar, 8th Ave

Overheard by: Hobo Whisperer

Posted on September 21, 2019
About Celebrities, Bars & Clubs, Guys

Or Potentially “Holy Moley”

Guy: Yeah… I don’t know what key they’re singing it in.
Girl: Well if she’s singing it in the Betty Buckley key… that’s like in the key of whoa.

–Queens-bound N Train

Overheard by: cwazy nooh yawkerr

Posted on September 8, 2019
About Celebrities, Default, Girls, Guys, Music, On the Subway, Singing

Wednesday Hold-on-There's-Someone-on-the-Other-Liners

60-year-old man on cell: I want you to do a big fave for me, okay? Call my aunt's house. If my aunt picks up, hang up.

–B4 Bus

Overheard by: Victoria Tarasova

Dude on cell: No, it's okay, my cellphone is attached to my hand. It's part of my hand!

–Restaurant Bathroom, 7th Ave

Overheard by: Duncan Pflaster

NYU guy on cell, snottily: No wait, wait… Is it full because you keep leaving them for me and I never bother to listen? (pause) Voicemail is a dead technology, dad.

–Bus

Overheard by: liz

Woman on crutches: People think I'm talking on one of those Bluetooth-headphone-cell phones. Nah. I'm just talking to myself. Pfft! I ain't got no cell phone! I just talk to myself! That's right!

–Food Stamp Office, 14th St

Overheard by: Erica Schreiner

African American man on cell: I gotta go. I got Richard Simmons on the other line.

–30th St & Madison Ave

Overheard by: mike v

Posted on August 27, 2019
About Celebrities, Age/Aging, All Wednesday One-Liners, Black People, Body Parts, Bus, Cell Phone, Family Ties, Fitness, Guys, Men, Murray Hill and Gramercy, Offers and requests, Office, On Cell, On the Bus, One-liners, Parents, Questions, Restaurants & Cafes, Retards & Handicaps, Students, Stupidity, Wednesday One-Liners, Weirdness, Wishes & desires, Women

Why Pillbox Hats Are Making a Comeback

Preppy girl: I wonder why celebrities do so many drugs.
Queen: Honey, you can only buy so much couture.

–F Train

Posted on July 23, 2019
About Celebrities, Default, Drag queens, Drugs, Fashion, Girls, On the Subway, Preppies, Shopping

Mostly CNN

Seven-year-old boy: You know Britney's on crack, she's on crack. And your girl Lindsay is so going to jail for selling cocaine. That Britney is crazy.
Aunt: That boy watches too much TV.

–LIRR

Overheard by: I think lindsay is going to jail too

Posted on July 20, 2019
About Celebrities, Boys, Cocaine, Crime and Punishment, Default, Families, Hard Drugs, Kids, Long Island, Prison, Trains Not Subway, TV, Women

Jelly Roll Wednesday One-Liners

Chick: … So she had sex with both Rush Limbaugh and Bernie Kerik? Ewww, I wouldn’t want to be her vagina!

–10 E 53rd St

Overheard by: I thought ewww, too

Fat latina: You mean it don’t shake and jump up and down? Girl, what kinda clit do you have?

–Stanton & Clinton

Old guy sweeping sidewalk: You won’t see me begging for no pussy. No way.

–118th & 5th

Overheard by: robin b

Girl in skirt to boy, both standing in the cold: If you could see my undercarriage right now you would see that it’s quivering.

–21st & Broadway

Guy on cell: Yeah, girl. Well, just wait, ’cause I’m gonna terrorize your pussy tonight.

–Flatbush Ave, Brooklyn

Overheard by: Peter Rice

Lesbian: … So I was like, ‘Fine, bitch. You can shove your own fucking fingers up your own fucking cooch. I’m going to put on my clothes and sit in the corner and change my Facebook status…’

–Restroom, Stuyvesant High School

Teen boy: I ate too much pussy. Now I have pussy poisoning.

–Penn Station

Overheard by: sara swank

Posted on June 23, 2019
About Celebrities, All Wednesday One-Liners, Gays and Lesbians, Masturbation, Politics, Sex, Vagina, Wednesday One-Liners, Wednesday One-Liners Vary

People Who Live in New Jersey Should Not Throw Stones

Drunk fan: Martin Brodeur fucked his sister-in-law.
Sober pisser: That’s worse than OJ Simpson.
Drunk fan: Yeah, he’s French Canadian.

–Madison Square Garden bathroom

Overheard by: TrueBlue

Posted on April 16, 2019
About Celebrities, Compare/Contrast, Crime and Punishment, Default, Drunks, Family Ties, Global Geography, Madison Square Garden, Sex, Stall Spies, Strangers, Weirdness

About Celebrities