Old lady #1: Oooh, I’m so cold on this bus! That’s why I have to wear this sweatshirt.
Old lady #2: Well, I just wanna know when my heatwave’s gonna end. I’m going through the changes.
— B61 bus
Old lady #1: Oooh, I’m so cold on this bus! That’s why I have to wear this sweatshirt.
Old lady #2: Well, I just wanna know when my heatwave’s gonna end. I’m going through the changes.
— B61 bus
Mourner: Hi, I haven’t seen you in a long time! How’s your mother?
Priest: She’s okay. She won’t be coming today because she’s not feeling well. She just turned 95.
Mourner: 95! She’s that old? Holy crap!
— Funeral Home, Rockaway Blvd, Queens
Overheard by: Les Izzmore
Second grader: Earth is the greatest planet in the whole world!
–125th St & 8th Ave
Overheard by: Yes, I’m his teacher.
Little boy to younger brother in elevator: Stop! It’s like the hospital, you can’t touch anything!
–Columbia University
Overheard by: student
Little girl: Big Brother is watching!
–Franklin St & Church St
Overheard by: Jess McGins
Little boy: Yo, digit, you don’t get any pussy, how you gonna say she ugly?
–Corsa Ave, the Bronx
Overheard by: Edward Carney
Little girl to other little girl wearing school uniform: You look like a woman. Go change!
–116th St & Park Ave
Overheard by: Ken Yapelli
Little girl: Excuse me, where is the drugstore? I mean, where are the drugs?
–Duane Reade, 7th Ave & Flatbush
Overheard by: Cupcake
Little boy: I can’t wait to get home so I can scratch my crotch!
–6th Ave & 17th St
College girl: She’s 60?
College guy #1: Well, look at her! She’s no spring chicken.
College girl: She’s in her early 50’s or 40’s. She just looks older.
College guy #2: Wait, did you just say "spring chicken"?
–Palumbo Cafe, 187th St
Overheard by: Jess McGins
20-year-old woman: Well, I never thought I’d be attracted to an 18-year-old, but here I am.
–Royal Indian Restaurant, 1st Ave
Overheard by: Judge
NYU girl: Yeah, nothing gets me off like a bunch of fat 11-year-olds.
–Hayden Hall
Southern preppy to hipster chick: Not everyone’s a sex offender!
–2nd St & 2nd Ave
Overheard by: katie
Woman on cell: But right now a 16-year-old is going down on my boyfriend!
–MacDougal & 4th St
Guy, not distributing newspapers: Metro, the paper of the pedophiles. The pedophile’s paper. Take a Metro and think about the child you’re helping molest.
–L train, 6th Ave
Overheard by: MLK
Teen thug: Man, if I was 18, I would pound that!
–5th Ave & 9th St, Park Slope
Girl on cell: That’s not the worse part. He actually had the nerve to say that I give blowjobs like a fucking 12-year-old! Then I was all like hello, I’m 13!
–Central Park
Overheard by: poppin fresh
NYU chick : Wait, he’s 28!
Friend : Yeah, I know. And he’s Asian
–Uptown 6 train
Girl #1: So I felt really bad for him because he’s 53 years old and just got fired from the one job he knows how to do. But then he got that horse and his life turned around.
Girl #2: I know, he has a large studio in Soho so it has plenty of room to run around, and now he no longer has to ride in cabs or subways.
Girl #1: Yeah. I should get a horse too.
–Union Square & 16th St
Little boy: Ewww…ewww….
Mom: Stop saying ewww..those are bras..
Little boy: I hate bras
Mom: Don’t say that, you’ll change your mind when you gets older.
–JC Penney lingerie department, Queens
Overheard by: a fellow shopper
Girl: I’m almost too comfortable with old-people nudity.
–Battery Park
Overheard by: hannah
Middle-Aged woman: Oh my God, you should have been there to see my husband naked-bodysurfing.
–Thompson & Spring
Man on cell: Yeah… I’m just calling to let you know the Naked Cowboy called in sick today because of the rain. Yeah, I’m going to take his place. I just wanted to let you know. OK. Bye.
–48th & 2nd
Young woman: There’s the Naked Cowgirl. She’s not all that. She’s not even that pretty!
–Times Square
Overheard by: Derek Powazek
Girl: It’s not like when a guy sees you naked, he’s gonna be like, “Yo, I wish you were more muscular.”
–College Walk, Columbia University
Girl on cell: Because grown sisters naked in a room together is weird!
–L train, Metropolitan Ave
Overheard by: Must be weird
Woman on cell: Naked on the couch?… God, I don’t blame you.
–3rd & A
Overheard by: Kira
Tourist: I want to have sex. I’m old enough!
–Outside Cold Stone Creamery, 42nd St
20-Something frat boy: Ya know, something tells me my wife hasn’t even been born yet…
–6 train, Astor Place
Overheard by: Al
Young woman: If I were a pedophile, I would be the best pedophile ever because nobody would suspect me!
–6 train
Overheard by: Innocent bystander
Man, trying on glasses: No, these make me look like a pedophile.
–9th Street Optical, 9th St between 5th & 6th, Brooklyn
Chick on cell: Yes, I got fired at my job! Yes, I got fired at Barely Legal! I got tired of playing Twister in my pajamas.
–Airplane, LaGuardia Tarmac
Overheard by: Judy
