College girl: She’s 60?
College guy #1: Well, look at her! She’s no spring chicken.
College girl: She’s in her early 50’s or 40’s. She just looks older.
College guy #2: Wait, did you just say "spring chicken"?
–Palumbo Cafe, 187th St
Overheard by: Jess McGins
20-year-old woman: Well, I never thought I’d be attracted to an 18-year-old, but here I am.
–Royal Indian Restaurant, 1st Ave
Overheard by: Judge
NYU girl: Yeah, nothing gets me off like a bunch of fat 11-year-olds.
–Hayden Hall
Southern preppy to hipster chick: Not everyone’s a sex offender!
–2nd St & 2nd Ave
Overheard by: katie
Woman on cell: But right now a 16-year-old is going down on my boyfriend!
–MacDougal & 4th St
Guy, not distributing newspapers: Metro, the paper of the pedophiles. The pedophile’s paper. Take a Metro and think about the child you’re helping molest.
–L train, 6th Ave
Overheard by: MLK
Teen thug: Man, if I was 18, I would pound that!
–5th Ave & 9th St, Park Slope
Girl on cell: That’s not the worse part. He actually had the nerve to say that I give blowjobs like a fucking 12-year-old! Then I was all like hello, I’m 13!
–Central Park
Overheard by: poppin fresh
NYU chick : Wait, he’s 28!
Friend : Yeah, I know. And he’s Asian
–Uptown 6 train
Girl #1: So I felt really bad for him because he’s 53 years old and just got fired from the one job he knows how to do. But then he got that horse and his life turned around.
Girl #2: I know, he has a large studio in Soho so it has plenty of room to run around, and now he no longer has to ride in cabs or subways.
Girl #1: Yeah. I should get a horse too.
–Union Square & 16th St
Little boy: Ewww…ewww….
Mom: Stop saying ewww..those are bras..
Little boy: I hate bras
Mom: Don’t say that, you’ll change your mind when you gets older.
–JC Penney lingerie department, Queens
Overheard by: a fellow shopper
Girl: I’m almost too comfortable with old-people nudity.
–Battery Park
Overheard by: hannah
Middle-Aged woman: Oh my God, you should have been there to see my husband naked-bodysurfing.
–Thompson & Spring
Man on cell: Yeah… I’m just calling to let you know the Naked Cowboy called in sick today because of the rain. Yeah, I’m going to take his place. I just wanted to let you know. OK. Bye.
–48th & 2nd
Young woman: There’s the Naked Cowgirl. She’s not all that. She’s not even that pretty!
–Times Square
Overheard by: Derek Powazek
Girl: It’s not like when a guy sees you naked, he’s gonna be like, “Yo, I wish you were more muscular.”
–College Walk, Columbia University
Girl on cell: Because grown sisters naked in a room together is weird!
–L train, Metropolitan Ave
Overheard by: Must be weird
Woman on cell: Naked on the couch?… God, I don’t blame you.
–3rd & A
Overheard by: Kira
Tourist: I want to have sex. I’m old enough!
–Outside Cold Stone Creamery, 42nd St
20-Something frat boy: Ya know, something tells me my wife hasn’t even been born yet…
–6 train, Astor Place
Overheard by: Al
Young woman: If I were a pedophile, I would be the best pedophile ever because nobody would suspect me!
–6 train
Overheard by: Innocent bystander
Man, trying on glasses: No, these make me look like a pedophile.
–9th Street Optical, 9th St between 5th & 6th, Brooklyn
Chick on cell: Yes, I got fired at my job! Yes, I got fired at Barely Legal! I got tired of playing Twister in my pajamas.
–Airplane, LaGuardia Tarmac
Overheard by: Judy
Guy, watching a toddler have a meltdown on the sidewalk: Where’s Susan Smith when you need her?
–Hudson & Jane
Overheard by: jose clunie
College girl: Mom, I can’t babysit them. Mom! Listen to me! I’m sorry, I don’t like babies. I find we have very little in common.
–34th & Broadway
Lady: I don’t know if that woman ever found her baby’s head!
–King’s County civil court, Brooklyn
Overheard by: kate s
Mother to infant: I’m so glad you’re getting a personality now! You used to just sit there and bore the fuck out of me. I wasn’t sure if I was going to love you! You’re not going to remember that, are you? [to friend] Is she?
–Water St & Hanover Sq
Overheard by: zack
Guy surrounded by kids: You’re all a bunch of savages. Little savages, that’s what you are!
–151st & Broadway
Overheard by: Pants
Woman to baby in stroller: No crying! Crying is unacceptable. I don’t care how bored you are. [to clerk] Does this come in pink?
–J Crew, Tme Warner Center, Columbus Circle
Lady on cell: No, she don’t like anyone. She mean as shit…Nah…Nah…She don’t even like her own children.
–Port Authority
College kid #1: God, that girl over there’s hot!
College kid #2: Dude, you need to stop being so obsessed with chicks with tattoos. I fucked a girl with a tattoo, and it was pretty unpleasant.
College kid #1: That’s because she was 48 years old and a grandmother…[To entire train] Did everyone hear that? A grandmother!
–L train
Overheard by: Zak Santucci
Club kid #1: Yeah, we should make our own clothes, but we need to learn to make patterns.
Club kid #2: My grandma used to know how, but now she has Alzheimer’s.
Clubkid #1: That should make her designs more creative!
–7th St & 1st Ave
Overheard by: Mark
