Wednesday Hold-on-There's-Someone-on-the-Other-Liners

60-year-old man on cell: I want you to do a big fave for me, okay? Call my aunt's house. If my aunt picks up, hang up.

–B4 Bus

Overheard by: Victoria Tarasova

Dude on cell: No, it's okay, my cellphone is attached to my hand. It's part of my hand!

–Restaurant Bathroom, 7th Ave

Overheard by: Duncan Pflaster

NYU guy on cell, snottily: No wait, wait… Is it full because you keep leaving them for me and I never bother to listen? (pause) Voicemail is a dead technology, dad.

–Bus

Overheard by: liz

Woman on crutches: People think I'm talking on one of those Bluetooth-headphone-cell phones. Nah. I'm just talking to myself. Pfft! I ain't got no cell phone! I just talk to myself! That's right!

–Food Stamp Office, 14th St

Overheard by: Erica Schreiner

African American man on cell: I gotta go. I got Richard Simmons on the other line.

–30th St & Madison Ave

Overheard by: mike v

Posted on August 27, 2019
About Celebrities, Age/Aging, All Wednesday One-Liners, Black People, Body Parts, Bus, Cell Phone, Family Ties, Fitness, Guys, Men, Murray Hill and Gramercy, Offers and requests, Office, On Cell, On the Bus, One-liners, Parents, Questions, Restaurants & Cafes, Retards & Handicaps, Students, Stupidity, Wednesday One-Liners, Weirdness, Wishes & desires, Women

It’s Poorly Decorated — No Gays

Old man #1: I don’t know what happened! The other day I was 22 years old. Time really goes by, doesn’t it?
Old man #2: It sure does… I’m 76.
Old man #1: That is good… I hope heaven is nice.

–PATH station, 9th St

Posted on July 22, 2019
Age/Aging, Default, Men, Old People, Religion, Train Station, Wishes & desires

I'm Thinking Of Starting a Band Called The Wheezin' Geezers

Old woman to old man: So, where are you going?
Old man: To the doctor.
Old woman: Nothing terribly wrong, I hope.
Old man: Nah. (pauses) I'm just having trouble breathing, is all.

–Q49 Bus, Jackson Heights

Posted on July 9, 2019
Age/Aging, Bus, Health and Hygiene, Old People, On the Bus, Queens, Questions

So Are Statutory Rape Charges

Guy #1: Aw, man, she’s like a 4×4, comfortable and fast! And those curves, shit.
Guy #2: She’s seventeen.
Guy #1: Right on!
Guy #2: My shit is real, yo.

–1 train

Posted on June 9, 2019
Advice, Age/Aging, Beauty, Compare/Contrast, Guys, On the Subway, Players

You Should See Me Squeeze the Melons

Enraged hipster: Clearly, I am not a child!
Hipster friends: (silence)
Enraged hipster: I do my own grocery shopping!

–10th St & University Place

Overheard by: PotatoPuff

Posted on April 3, 2019
Age/Aging, Anger Management, Friends, Hipsters, Shopping, The Village

And When Did Rue McClanahan First Outsexy Her?

Girl #1: Today is Madonna’s birthday!
Girl #2: 60th?

–Office, 47th & 5th

Posted on March 23, 2019
9 to 5-ers, About Celebrities, Age/Aging, Midtown & Hell's Kitchen, Office

Complimenting My Genitals Does Nothing to Contradict My Argument

Junior high kid: Nice bike, fag!
Guy on moped: Nice prepubescent penis, kid!

–Greenwich Village

Overheard by: Matthew

Posted on March 14, 2019
Age/Aging, Boys, Compliments, Creepsters, Default, Gays and Lesbians, Penis, Queer guys, The Village, Tweens

Life Is Like a Box of Wednesday One-Liners…

Man on cell: What did I do to you? I bought you a house and you don’t even wanna live in it!

–F Train

Overheard by: LC

Conductor, over intercom: Ladies and gentlemen, this train is overbooked. That’s just the way things are. Life is unfair.

–Amtrak Train, Penn Station

Overheard by: Ladle

Suit: There was a time in my life when I would have never tired of hearing the word "vagina". That time has passed.

–Staten Island Supreme Court

Conductor: Watch your step as you exit the train, and if you’re late, just remember that life is a lot like being on this train: we may not be there yet, but we’re getting there.

–2 Train

Overheard by: can this conductor drive my train every day please?

Posted on February 9, 2019
Age/Aging, All Wednesday One-Liners, Conductors, Gifts, Gripes, Home, Sweet Home, Men, Offers and requests, On Cell, On the Subway, Penn Station, Public Transportation, Questions, Staten Island, Subway conductors, Suits, Time, Trains Not Subway, Vagina, Words

At Which Point He Recommended Botox

36-year-old bald clubster: There's no way you're 36. I'm 36, and there's just no way.
36-year-old woman: No! Really, I am.
36-year-old bald clubster: What did you do–make a deal with the devil?
36-year-old woman: We've talked.

–Union Square

Overheard by: birdie

Posted on January 22, 2019
Age/Aging, Guys, Physical appearance, Questions, Satan, Union Square and East Village, Women

Now They Grow Up to Be Flying Rats

Older woman: Mice grow up to be rats. I have mice.
Older guy: No, they don't!
Older woman: Yes they do, mice grow up to be rats.
Older guy: No, they don't! They're different species. They're cousins.
Older woman: No, they aren't!
Older guy: Yes, they are–they're cousins, like rabbits and squirrels.
Older woman: No–mice grow up to be rats!
Older guy: No, they don't! There are even different species of rats. German rats,
Norwegian rats…
Older woman: Okay, let's change the subject–I hate rats.
Older guy: Do you know pigeons have strokes?
Older woman: What?
Older guy: Pigeons have strokes. They don't last long, but they do.
Older woman: Uh…okay.
Older guy: Pigeons learn to fly when they're five weeks old.

–A Train

Posted on January 9, 2019
Age/Aging, Animals & Nature, Birds, Erections, Family Ties, Gripes, Guys, Old People, On the Subway, Weirdness, Women

Age/Aging