Old man #1: I don’t know what happened! The other day I was 22 years old. Time really goes by, doesn’t it?
Old man #2: It sure does… I’m 76.
Old man #1: That is good… I hope heaven is nice.
–PATH station, 9th St
Old man #1: I don’t know what happened! The other day I was 22 years old. Time really goes by, doesn’t it?
Old man #2: It sure does… I’m 76.
Old man #1: That is good… I hope heaven is nice.
–PATH station, 9th St
Old woman to old man: So, where are you going?
Old man: To the doctor.
Old woman: Nothing terribly wrong, I hope.
Old man: Nah. (pauses) I'm just having trouble breathing, is all.
–Q49 Bus, Jackson Heights
Guy #1: Aw, man, she’s like a 4×4, comfortable and fast! And those curves, shit.
Guy #2: She’s seventeen.
Guy #1: Right on!
Guy #2: My shit is real, yo.
–1 train
Enraged hipster: Clearly, I am not a child!
Hipster friends: (silence)
Enraged hipster: I do my own grocery shopping!
–10th St & University Place
Overheard by: PotatoPuff
Girl #1: Today is Madonna’s birthday!
Girl #2: 60th?
–Office, 47th & 5th
Junior high kid: Nice bike, fag!
Guy on moped: Nice prepubescent penis, kid!
–Greenwich Village
Overheard by: Matthew
Man on cell: What did I do to you? I bought you a house and you don’t even wanna live in it!
–F Train
Overheard by: LC
Conductor, over intercom: Ladies and gentlemen, this train is overbooked. That’s just the way things are. Life is unfair.
–Amtrak Train, Penn Station
Overheard by: Ladle
Suit: There was a time in my life when I would have never tired of hearing the word "vagina". That time has passed.
–Staten Island Supreme Court
Conductor: Watch your step as you exit the train, and if you’re late, just remember that life is a lot like being on this train: we may not be there yet, but we’re getting there.
–2 Train
Overheard by: can this conductor drive my train every day please?
36-year-old bald clubster: There's no way you're 36. I'm 36, and there's just no way.
36-year-old woman: No! Really, I am.
36-year-old bald clubster: What did you do–make a deal with the devil?
36-year-old woman: We've talked.
–Union Square
Overheard by: birdie
Older woman: Mice grow up to be rats. I have mice.
Older guy: No, they don't!
Older woman: Yes they do, mice grow up to be rats.
Older guy: No, they don't! They're different species. They're cousins.
Older woman: No, they aren't!
Older guy: Yes, they are–they're cousins, like rabbits and squirrels.
Older woman: No–mice grow up to be rats!
Older guy: No, they don't! There are even different species of rats. German rats,
Norwegian rats…
Older woman: Okay, let's change the subject–I hate rats.
Older guy: Do you know pigeons have strokes?
Older woman: What?
Older guy: Pigeons have strokes. They don't last long, but they do.
Older woman: Uh…okay.
Older guy: Pigeons learn to fly when they're five weeks old.
–A Train
Suit #1: Good thing my girlfriend had an abortion, or I’d have a 16-year-old kid right now.
Suit #2: Yeah? I never heard this story.
–F Train
Overheard by: wb
Headline by: kasey
Runners-Up:
· “Haven’t You Ever Asked About My Framed Coathanger?” – Ian
· “Jesus; Always the Son, Never the Father” – benny blanco
· “Lifetime Wasn’t Interested” – Emily Leonard
· “Neither Did My Wife…” – phox
· “Once Upon a Vacuum…” – blistexaddict
· “Well Jimmy, When a Man and Woman Like Sex Without Commitments….” – mkp-hearts-nyc
· “Your Wife Was Pretty Insistent I Never Tell You” – Greg Costello
