Paris Hilton: “That's Wednesday One-Liner.”

Hipster waitress to another: Camel toe is like, really hot, but also really uncomfortable.

–Williamsburg

College guy to friend: Dude, I'd definitely date a dude who looked like a hot chick… It's not gay.

–Hunter College

Overheard by: Stephen

Professor: Welcome to CUNY, it's like menopause. It's either too hot or too cold.

–City University of New York

Latino girl on cell: Bitch, please. I'm gonna look mad hot tonight. I'ma comb my hair!

–American Apparel

Male professor: I don't care how hot Brad Pitt is… If he sits on my lap, nothing's going to happen!

–New York Institute of Technology

Overheard by: Not Brad Pitt

Posted on April 9, 2018
About Celebrities, All Wednesday One-Liners, Baristas, Beauty, Body Parts, City College, College, Compare/Contrast, Dating, Frat Boys, Friends, Gays and Lesbians, Gender issues, Hair, Health and Hygiene, Hipsters, Hunter, Latinos, Movies, Nicknames & name calling, On Cell, One-liners, Physical appearance, Store, Teachers/Professors, Vagina, Wednesday One-Liners, Williamsburg

Moby Dickhead

Guy: So what gets rid of dark spots, then?
Cashier chick: Nothing here. Try buying some vitamin E oil.
Guy: Whale blubber?

–Kiehl’s, 3rd Avenue

Overheard by: michael neal

Posted on March 18, 2018
Animals & Nature, Beauty, Manhattan, Places, Shopping, Store, Topics, Union Square and East Village

All Women Are Beautiful, If You Know How to Look

Girl: But she’s so pretty.
Guy: So are you! And she’s not that pretty.
Girl: No… Really?
Guy: Well, she’s a whore.
Girl: I’m pretty?

–1 train

Overheard by: She’s not actually pretty

Posted on February 27, 2018
Beauty, Friends, On the Subway

You Vary Depending Upon the Light, Like Sarah Jessica Parker

Guy: Hey, you look pretty…
Girl: Fuck off!
Guy: Don't interrupt…pretty ugly.

–C Train

Posted on February 17, 2018
Beauty, Girls, Guys, Insults, On the Subway, Only in New York, Physical appearance

Without Politics, There’d Be a Lot More Switch-Hitting

Queer: I should have gotten her number for you, but at the bar last night this woman walked in… She was seriously hot. Like, seriously. And I’m pretty sure the breasts were real.
Friend: But you’re gay.
Queer: Yeah, but I would have considered going straight for her. That’s how hot she was.

–NYU

Overheard by: Elizabeth

Posted on January 24, 2018
Beauty, Compliments, Friends, Gays and Lesbians, NYU, Queer guys, Rack, Wishes & desires

Cerebral Cortex? No….

Sorority girl tourist #1, about photo of guy on camera phone: Look at this gluteus maximus.
Sorority girl tourist #2: Oooh, nice gluteus maximus. Hey, what’s with all the weird body part names, anyway? Gluteus maximus…
Sorority girl tourist #1: Vulva…

–34th & 8th

Overheard by: Dolores!

Posted on January 7, 2018
Ass, Beauty, Body Parts, Chelsea & the Meatpacking District, Default, Friends, Questions, Sorority Girls, Tourists, Vagina, Weirdness, Words

Wednesday One-Liners Wear Heels in Bed

Obnoxious NYU student on phone: Hey, remember that cute boy in my chemistry class I was telling you about? Well, I totally just saw him in a gay porno!

–Study Room, NYU Dorm

Overheard by: NYU Ears

Patient woman: She's making friends with an old porn star, leave her alone!

–2nd Ave b/w 50th & 51st

Overheard by: sab

Cranky suit to nodding friend: Except for porn and eBay, no one knows how to make money anymore!

–Madison Ave & 47th St

Overheard by: kricka

Girl to friend: This would be a great place to shoot a porno.

–Downstairs Bar, Morimoto Restaurant

iPhone screamer: Yeah, just take the exec-u-table file and put it in the folder. Right the exec-u-table file! I know, the music is funny, like a porno, right?

–33rd St b/w 5th & 6th

Chick: You *know* we're all going to be googling "eggbeater porn" before the night is over.

–Party, 171st & Broadway

Overheard by: Ladle

Posted on November 23, 2017
All Wednesday One-Liners, Bars & Clubs, Beauty, e-Bay, Film, Friends, Friendship, Gays and Lesbians, Girls, Google, Harlem & Morningside Heights, Midtown & Hell's Kitchen, Money & Class, Murray Hill and Gramercy, Music, NYU, On Cell, One-liners, Porn, Questions, Restaurants & Cafes, School and studying, Street, Students, Suits, Wednesday One-Liners, Weirdness, Women, Words

But Then the Uncles Start Pinching Your Cheeks

Boy #1: It’s so gross! My aunts pinch my cheeks and call me cute and make, like, cow noises!
Boy #2: Take it from me: wait ’til you get older. I promise, no one will ever call you cute again.

–Prospect Park

Overheard by: Andrea

Posted on November 19, 2017
Age/Aging, Beauty, Boys, Brooklyn, Family Ties, Tweens

We Broke Up for a Reason, Remember?

Hobo: Hey, you look like Kenny Rogers.
Man: Uh, thanks. I guess that’s a compliment.
Hobo: You’re not a bad looking guy.
Man: Well, let’s not get carried away here.

–Food court, Grand Central

Overheard by: Hobo Appreciation Society

Posted on October 11, 2017
About Celebrities, Beauty, Comebacks, Compare/Contrast, Compliments, Grand Central, Hobos, Men

Wednesday One-Liners Choo-Choo-Choose You

Conductor: Attention downtown passengers. The train that just left the station was obviously not your train.

–6 Train

Woman on cell: Hey, it’s the MTA who should be spanked!

–Rector St.

Overheard by: Ladle

Small girl to mom: I like this train station the best because it has an elevator, and you can see the whole world outside. The whole wide beautiful world.

–Harlem Escalator, 1 Train

Overheard by: Mark Brinker

Guy: I get all my information from subway ads.

–F Train

Overheard by: Thom Cohen

Woman, hearing garbled announcement that E train is running as an F: No! They are takin’ all my E trains!

–E Train

Overheard by: I can has E train?

Crackhead: Make sure to take your newspapers with you on the way out of the train. I’m having company over later and I want it to look nice.

–Franklin Avenue Shuttle

Overheard by: shuttle rider