Girl #1: Oh my god! I haven’t seen you in ages!
Girl #2: I know, it’s been a while — you look great!
Girl #1: You do, too! Your hair has grown a lot since I last saw you.
Girl #2: I know what you mean — it’s all it does.
–E 86th St and Lex
Overheard by: Lisa
Hipster chick: I’d like to get my eyebrows done.
Korean woman: You have boyfriend?
Hipster chick: Uh… no.
Woman: No wonder. You have hairy upper lip.
Hipster chick: Okay…
Woman: No worry — we clean up — you have many boyfriend.
–Beauty parlor on W 8th St
Overheard by: I just came in for a pedicure
Biotech #1: I hate her, she’s so ugly.
Biotech #2: She’s a drag queen.
–Trump Atrium Party, 5th Ave between 56th & 57th
Overheard by: Tim
Girl #1: That’s a cute dog, I have one too.
Girl #2: Thank you.
Girl #1: Is that a toy terrier?
Girl #2: I don’t know. I just know he’s cute.
–Broadway & Spring St
Overheard by: Holden
Queer #1: Get that cab.
Queer #2: We are not taking a cab three blocks.
Queer #1: It’s raining. The hair, the suede jacket.
Queer #3: I know you think we are lazy but it’s all about the hair. If you had any you would do the same.
Queer #2: I hate going out with you two.
Queer #1: You love us.
–In front of XL, Chelsea
Overheard by: Will
Second grader: Earth is the greatest planet in the whole world!
–125th St & 8th Ave
Overheard by: Yes, I’m his teacher.
Little boy to younger brother in elevator: Stop! It’s like the hospital, you can’t touch anything!
–Columbia University
Overheard by: student
Little girl: Big Brother is watching!
–Franklin St & Church St
Overheard by: Jess McGins
Little boy: Yo, digit, you don’t get any pussy, how you gonna say she ugly?
–Corsa Ave, the Bronx
Overheard by: Edward Carney
Little girl to other little girl wearing school uniform: You look like a woman. Go change!
–116th St & Park Ave
Overheard by: Ken Yapelli
Little girl: Excuse me, where is the drugstore? I mean, where are the drugs?
–Duane Reade, 7th Ave & Flatbush
Overheard by: Cupcake
Little boy: I can’t wait to get home so I can scratch my crotch!
–6th Ave & 17th St
Young queer #1: I can’t believe you like going to this leather bar. The guys here are so scary.
Young queer #2: Not all of them. There are a few gems with all their hair, no visible gut and a strong immune system.
–Eagle, Chelsea
Blonde: You know what I did this morning?
Brunette: What?
Blonde: I plucked out my treasure trail with tweezers. Pain isn’t even the word.
Brunette: What the fuck? Why?
Blonde: It was too short to wax and I was impatient…
Brunette: Ummm…why didn’t you just shave it then?
Blonde: Oh hell no! It’d grow back like the next day! Shit, I’d pluck out my whole crotch if I knew I wouldn’t pass out from the pain!
–St. Mark’s Place
Overheard by: Mistress Silver
Guy, to twin girls: She’s the pretty one.
–8th & Hudson
Overheard by: Michelle
Hobo: Hey, baby! Oh, maaaan. You so gorgeous. I wanna paint you red. You wait. I’m gonna paint you red tonight.
–20th between 6th & 7th
Overheard by: Baby
Hobo to hot girl: I’ve been prairie dogging it the whole train ride, but I just want to tell you that you’re beautiful.
–34th St N station
Overheard by: Lara
Guy on cell: She’s good looking, but not too smart — like Jessica Simpson. Not as dumb as her, but not as hot either, so I guess it kind of evens out.
–Duane Reade, 27th & Madison
Suit to friend: But I was prettier back then.
–Church & Chambers
Guy: Hey, gorgeous, how ya doin’?
Woman ignores him.
Guy: Well, well, well, aren’t we full of ourselves…
–14th & Broadway
Dude: I only went out with her because she knows some hot lesbians.
–Hunter College
Black guy on cell: Yea! Yea! He just called me up. I was like, "Yo, stop callin me up"… Yea!…. Yea my sister’s on crack!
–Houston & Essex
Overheard by: saywhat?
Suit: Well, I’m a drug dealer, so I have a phone for each kind: a pot phone, a coke phone, you know…
–R train
Queer on cell: Oh my God. I left the check at home. I am such a fucking idiot. I am such a FUCKING idiot! Yeah, I’ll be there at six. Ok. I’ll bring you E and orange juice.
–Bank of America, 6th Ave
Overheard by: CarrieBoo
Bum: Hey… can you spare me $20 dollars, so I can buy some crack cocaine? I mean, I’ll share it with you. I have enough for a 10 but I want a chicken head to slob on my knob while I take a hit…
–96th St Subway Station 1,2,3
Overheard by: Franco
Smooth talker: So my ex-girlfriend was a blonde Long Islander cokehead and now here I am with you. So you can see this is a real step down.
–Les Enfants Terrible, Canal & Ludlow
Overheard by: wants to meet the ex
Hipster: You OD’d? WHERE?
–14th & 6th
Bitter ex: And fuck him and his fuckin’ wooden leg that I didn’t even know he sold crack out of!
–80th & 3rd
Disgusted hipster: I mean, I only do drugs as a joke!
–14th St L station
Overheard by: Em
