See Wednesday One-Liners Run. Run, Wednesday One-Liners, Run

Drunk man to friend carrying him: And she keeps making fun of my tiny dick, but then she keeps grabbing my ass. Can you explain that to me?

–5th Ave

Overheard by: John-Boy

Man to friend: Ya know I’ve touched both your dick and your brother’s dick… and his is much bigger.

–44th St & 9th Ave

Overheard by: bigstoopit

20-something guy: I’ve just decided I need to quit dicking around and buy some q-tips.

–1 Train

Overheard by: drew

Guy, yelling: I did not put Peter’s dick in my mouth. I didn’t see it, I don’t even know what it looks like! None of us even came and it’s not important!

–Greenwich Ave

Obviously straight guy: For a million dollars. I’d suck the Jolly Green Giant’s dick, I don’t care if it did break my jaw.

–MacDougal St

Posted on July 2, 2008
All Wednesday One-Liners, BJs, Body Parts, Compare/Contrast, Drunks, Family Ties, Friends, Gays and Lesbians, Guys, Men, Midtown & Hell's Kitchen, Money & Class, On the Subway, Penis, Prostitution, Questions, Sexuality, Shopping, The Village, West Village

And It Makes You Look Cool

Woman: So, how is your relationship?
Man: Well, my relationship is kind of like cigarettes for you. It’s not so good for you but you kind of need something to put in your mouth.

–Caravan of Dreams, 6th St b/w 1st Ave & Ave A

Overheard by: Stoop

Posted on June 26, 2008
BJs, Compare/Contrast, Default, Innuendo, Men, Questions, Relationships, Restaurants & Cafes, Smokers & Smoking, Union Square and East Village, Women

Remember– Teabaggers Can Be Choosers

Slutty teenager: I think I had his balls in my mouth. That’s so degrading.
Slutty goth teenager: What the fuck? Even I haven’t had his balls in my mouth. And we were like, practically dating.

–F Train

Overheard by: Kelly

Posted on June 20, 2008
Balls, BJs, Compare/Contrast, Dating, Default, Friends, Goths, Gripes, On the Subway, Teens

I Still Don’t Get What’s So Wrong with Washing Whites with Colors

Dude #1: It’d be like you saying: “I’m gonna root for the Raiders, instead of the Chargers.”
Dude #2: It’d be like you saying: “I’m gonna suck cock!”

–11th St & 3rd Ave

Overheard by: Hannah

Posted on June 16, 2008
BJs, Compare/Contrast, Default, Friends, Guys, Sports, Union Square and East Village

Alright, Science, This Is Your Time to Shine

Chick eating a Boston Kreme: Mmm, I love this shit.
Dude: Yeah, enjoy your pastry filled with cum.
Chick: If cum ever tasted this good, I’d never get off my knees.

–Bloomingdale’s, Lexington

Posted on June 13, 2008
BJs, Cum, Default, Food, Girls, Guys, Sensory Experiences, Store, Upper East Side

How the Boys Got to the Front of the Salad Line

Straight guy #1: Dude, I like your family, but there is no way that I would blow the whole football team to save their lives.
Straight guy #2: Well, I’d blow them for your family.
Straight guy #1: Even if it was right after a game?
Straight guy #2: If I have to blow 60 guys, you think I’d give a shit if they are sweaty or not? That’s the least of it.

–In line at Just Salad, E 51st

Posted on June 13, 2008
BJs, Compare/Contrast, Default, Friends, Guys, Midtown & Hell's Kitchen, Questions, Restaurants & Cafes, Sports, Sweat, Weirdness

Just Don’t Try to Stop the Train With Your Feet, Okay?

Female conductor: Do we have a line-up, partner?
Male conductor: Yabba dabba dooooooo!

–Manhattan Bound E Train

Overheard by: I Am McLoVey

Posted on June 6, 2008
BJs, Coworkers, Default, Happiness, Men, On the Subway, Questions, Subway conductors, Weirdness, Women

More Like She Was Doing a Pigeon Impersonation and My Penis Happened to Be There

Girl: So she accidentally gave you head?
Guy: Yeah.
Girl: I’m confused as to how this happened. Did she like sneeze and somehow her mouth ended up on your penis? I’m just having trouble with the logistics of this. I mean it must have been a pretty violent sneeze to force her head that far down. Or was it more sensual, smooth kind of sneeze…
Guy: You’re a sarcastic bitch.
Girl: Yeah, but now you have STD.

–8th St

Posted on June 5, 2008
Accidents, BJs, Comebacks, Default, Girls, Guys, Insults, Questions, STDs

Wednesday One-Liners Have a Sweet Tooth

Hobo, to commuters: I’m hungry, homeless, and unemployed. I’m selling these candies for $0.25 so I can buy a meal. You’re all going to die, and you can’t take it with you, so give it to me!

–Shuttle to Times Square

Overheard by: Wondering why he couldn’t just eat the candy…?

Girl: So she was like: "Why can’t we have a candy corn background?" and I was like "Because you’re an idiot!"

–Starbucks, 34th St

Overweight yet stylish gay man: She had a hunger deep inside her that only a Snickers could quench.

–M101 Bus

Overheard by: Holla Back Girl

Mother to young son: You can get something, but I don’t want you to pick out no fucking twenty dollar candy. You ain’t been that good.

–Hershey World, Times Square

Overheard by: esgeness

Professor to student: I found out what they put in their brownies, I plan to use it against them!

–101st & Broadway

Group of high school girls to Mister Softee ice cream truck driver: Hey ice cream man! Ice cream man! Give us some ice cream! We’ll suck you off!

–Beverley & Ocean Parkway

Overheard by: A Radiant Sulk Ninja

Posted on June 4, 2008
All Wednesday One-Liners, BJs, Brooklyn, Compare/Contrast, Death, Fat People, Food, Girls, Grocery Stores, Hobos, Homeless, Insults, Moms, Money & Class, Offers and requests, On the Bus, Panhandling, Parents, Queer guys, Starbucks, Subway stations, platforms, etc., Teachers/Professors, Teens, Times Square, Weirdness

Only There There’s Nothing Else to Do

Drunk guy with thick NY accent: You girls… You girls are visiting the greatest city in the world.
Drunk tourist girls: [giggle.]Drunk guy with thick NY accent: You wanna know why? You wanna know why this is the greatest city in the world?
Drunk tourist girl #1: Why?
Drunk guy with thick NY accent: ‘Cause I can stand right here on the street and ask you to suck my balls.
Drunk girl #1: Um, you can ask us that anywhere.
Drunk girl #2: Yeah… We’re from Wisconsin and people there ask us that all the time.

–Thompson and Bleecker

Overheard by: I guess the Cheeseheads are more brazen than we thought

Posted on May 23, 2008
Ahhh! Real New Yorkers, BJs, Compare/Contrast, Creepsters, Default, Drunks, Girls, Offers and requests, Questions, The Village, Tourism, Tourists, U.S. Geography

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