The Superfluous Eruditeness Of Wednesday One-Liners

Pompous, insane English professor: Right now I am being plagued by a contagion, but I will return your reports anon.

–Barnard College

Student, to friend who just bashed the side of his head: What the hell? You're hurting my ganglia!

–Columbia University

Overheard by: John David

Black mom to teen daughter walking away from her: No, you get back here and listen to what I'm sayin! You gotta pay attention–niggas be instigatin!

–Nassau & Fulton

Overheard by: Tigertail

First year legal scholar: I feel like our relationship is terminated for perpetuity.

–Grand Central

Overheard by: bunbury

Yuppie on phone: Wait. (pause) Bruhaha, right?

–70th & Broadway

Posted on July 28, 2015
All Wednesday One-Liners, Black People, Body Parts, Columbia (& Barnard), Columbia University, Crazies, Friends, Grand Central, Illness, On Cell, One-liners, Parents, Questions, Relationships, Street, Students, Teachers/Professors, Teens, Time, Upper West Side & Lincoln Center, Wall Street, TriBeCa, South Street Seaport, Wednesday One-Liners, Weirdness, Words, Yuppies

It Was a Two-Xanax Climax

Black guy: So was he fun last night?
White girl: He came so much that it made me nervous.
Black guy: No more freshman for you!

–Outside Parsons The New School for Design

Posted on July 28, 2015
Black People, College, Cum, Questions, White People

Eventually He Gave Everyone Numbers and Chose Out of a Bingo Tumbler

Homeless panhandler: Good afternoon, I’m homeless and I want at least one Asian to give me some change.
Black woman giving slight sigh of relief: Well that doesn’t include me! He don’t want my change then!

–F Train

Overheard by: WBR

Posted on July 27, 2015
Black People, Compare/Contrast, Default, Homeless, Money & Class, Offers and requests, On the Subway, Panhandling, Race, Wishes & desires, Women

Some Potty Humor, Courtesy of Wednesday One-Liners

Lady suit: Do you think anyone would notice if I just popped a squat and urinated everywhere?

–Port Authority

12-year-old girl: And then… He, like… peed in my mouth. It was kinda gross.

–Eddie’s Sweet Shop

Overheard by: Yorick

Man peeing on the street: Watch the stream, watch the stream!

–W 4th St & 6th Ave

Overheard by: Maya G.

Black guy to coworker: What about that golden shower I had the other night?

–NYU Weinstein Dining Hall

Middle-aged convention female attendee: I didn’t know that urinals flushed. Did you know urinals flushed? Who would have thought?

–Javits Convention Center

Overheard by: Hector

Drunk man to embarrassed friend: Did I tell you about the time I peed on a bum? For real, I did! I was just taking a leak and looked down like: "Oh shit, is that a person?" He looked up on me and said: "Hey, you just peed on me!" And I did! I peed on him! Then I put myself in his shoes like: "What if someone peed on me?" I’d be pissed! That’s some fucked up shit, man. So I gave him ten bucks.

–A Train

Posted on July 26, 2015
Advice, All Wednesday One-Liners, Black People, Coworkers, Drunks, Etiquette, Friends, Girls, Guys, Homeless, Kink, Men, Money & Class, NYU, On the Subway, Pee, Poop, Port Authority, Queens, Questions, Restaurants & Cafes, Suits, The Village, Tweens, Weirdness, West Village, Women

…to Satan.

Spunky but pretty black girl: Jesus, I told you. I am married to Jesus.
Crazy Asian man, suddenly noticing a pretty white girl: What about her?
Spunky but pretty black girl: You leave her alone. She's married too.

–4 Train

Posted on July 23, 2015
Asians, Black People, Crazies, Jesus, Marriage, On the Subway

That, and They're Grateful to Date a Black Guy

Black girl on stoop #1: What is the difference between us and white girls?
Black girl on stoop #2: They roll joints?

–16th St & Irving

Overheard by: Kristin

Posted on July 22, 2015
Black People, Brooklyn, Compare/Contrast, Girls, Questions, Race, Weed

Unless Natalie Portman Starts Returning My Letters

White teen: I don’t think I could date an ugly girl.
Preppy black teen: Yeah…
White teen: I think I’ll just marry a hot one for the sex and cheat on her emotionally with someone who is actually smart.

–Grand Central

Posted on July 22, 2015
Beauty, Black People, Dating, Girls, Grand Central, Guys, Marriage, Preppies, Sex, Teens

Everything’s Relative

Black guy: Who we going to see?
Asian guy: Andy. Not black-Andy, white-Andy.
Black guy: White-Andy? …You mean Asian-Andy?
Asian guy: Oh, yeah, Asian-Andy.

–29th & Broadway

Overheard by: Brian

Posted on July 22, 2015
Asians, Black People, Chelsea & the Meatpacking District, Questions, Race, Talking/Convos

‘One of These Things Is Not Like the Other…’

Thuggish black guy #1: That was mad niggerish.
Preppy black guy: Yeah, it was so fiscally irresponsible.
Thuggish black guy #2: Yeah, so niggerish.

–114th & Broadway

Overheard by: puzzled

Posted on July 19, 2015
Black People, Harlem & Morningside Heights, Insults, Money & Class, Preppies, Stupidity, Thugs, Words

Have You Never Seen a Horror Movie?

Black 15-year-old kid: What you doing on Halloween?
White 15-year-old kid: Gettin' laid.
Black 15-year-old kid: What the fuck? Gettin' laid on Halloween? That's some bullshit. That's some bullshit!

–Gym Locker Room, Bayside, New York

Overheard by: tbomb

Posted on July 18, 2015
Black People, Celebrations/Parties, Gyms, Insults, Queens, Questions, Sex, Teens, White People

Black People