Black 15-year-old kid: What you doing on Halloween?
White 15-year-old kid: Gettin' laid.
Black 15-year-old kid: What the fuck? Gettin' laid on Halloween? That's some bullshit. That's some bullshit!
–Gym Locker Room, Bayside, New York
Overheard by: tbomb
Black guy: Yeah, Superman — he hangs out around 42nd Street. He might go uptown every once in a while, but you never see his ass in Brooklyn. That’s ridiculous — Superman can not be killed by bullets, and he still won’t come to Brooklyn.
Black lady: You’re right. What about Batman?
Black guy: Oh, he probably has to come through Brooklyn — you know, that brother lives out on Long Island.
Black lady: He probably comes through Brooklyn, but you know he’s not getting out of that Batmobile.
Black guy: I’m sure he’s damn careful when he stops, too. Those are some ballin’ rims he’s got on that whip. If he ever parked, them shits would definitely get stolen!
–3 train
Overheard by: Chris
Black lady #1: So, I was talking to my man, and I was like, ‘I don’t want no balls in my face like you don’t need no titties in yo’s!’
Black lady #2: I did not need to hear that shit.
–106th & Park
Homie #1: Drugs is huge, man, huge! If there wasn’t no drugs, there’d be no police! No drugs, no lawyers! No drugs, no judges! Nobody would be in prison! All those guards, no jobs! The whole prison system would collapse! No drugs, nobody in the hospitals! Doctors out of work… Drugs is too big! We’re a big part of the economy! Nobody is gonna touch drugs, man, so chill. We need drugs!
Homie #2: True dat.
–125th & Lenox
Black woman: Sixteen dollars? That paper better be made out of Jesus's ass.
–Barnes & Noble, Lincoln Center
Overheard by: Emily B.
40-something to friends: And what's going on with the fucking baby Jesus over there?
–Starbucks
Guy on cell: In my class, we were talking about how Jesus was a Viking warrior.
–Queens College
Woman, about Matt Lauer and Katie Couric: See, this is why Jesus Christ and the Pharisees didn't get along.
–22nd St & Park Ave
Overheard by: Rachel Peters
Woman on phone on the night before Easter: No, I do not want you at my house right now. (pause) I'm going home to watch The Ten Commandments and read my bible–Jesus is coming back tomorrow!
–B44 Bus
Overheard by: Micah
Drunk high school girl: If Jesus had discovered a cure for dry mouth, he'd be a lot more popular!
–Union Square
Overheard by: Smudge
Hobo to white guy walking with three black friends: What's up, slave owner?
–The Village
Girl on phone: We should practice selling ourselves to each other.
–Subway Sandwiches, 38th & 7th
Crazy man on train: America! America! Anybody wanna buy some white people?
–A Train
Ditzy girl to friend: So I had this black boyfriend one time, and we had to break up because he kept talking about slavery. I was all, hello, I'm Czech, my people were slaves too.
–Columbia University School of Social Work
Overheard by: Eric
Black toddler to mortified white nanny: Wanna play slave?
–Carroll Gardens, Brooklyn
White college girl: I would definitely want to be a doctor, if I didn't have to go to medical school.
–Fordham University
Nurse to another: Well, it seems that the themes of the day were UTIs and pregnancies.
–NYU Student Health Center
Overheard by: had neither
Black male pre-teen to mother: I know all about doctors, 'cause I watch shows about that. (pause) Actually, I watch Dr Phil.
–1 Train
Guy to two girls: I had to fire my doctor, I didn't like what he told me.
–39th & Lexington
Doctor, drawing on napkin and displaying results to student: This is you…in 40 years, in a fugue state. In Turkey. Dissociative fugue–learn neurology!
–168th & Fort Washington
Girl from upstate New York: So are there a lot of colored people in Connecticut?
Long pause.
Black girl: We say black people now.
–FIT
Overheard by: LL
Latino middle school boy: Barack Obama’s gay!
Black middle school boy: No he ain’t! He’s black!
–F Train
Overheard by: West Coast Courtney
Black Kid #1: Yo nigga, how long are we taking this train up? Yo dumb nigga, answer me.
Black Kid #2: Yo what?
Black Kid #1: How long are we taking this train up for?
Black Kid #2: I don’t know.
Black Kid #1: Niggers are dumb anyway.
–F Train
