Now I Know My Wednesday One-Liners, Next Time Won’t You Wednesday One-Liner With Me?

Little boy singing to mother: E is for druggies!

–R Train

Overheard by: Allegra

Crazy hobo: Take the V train! V is for vasectomy. Why take the crowded E train where all the lesbians will crush you?

–V Train Platform

Overheard by: Tom

Conductor: This is 14th Street. Transfer here for the L as in "lower level of hell".

–F Train

Overheard by: So True

Little boy playing with chopsticks: Look mom! (forms a V) V for Victoria! (forms an X) X for xylophone! (forms a T) and T for terrorist!

–Japanese Restaurant, 3rd & 25th

Conductor over loudspeaker: I know it’s Saturday afternoon and all you people are mad confused because the trains are all messed up on weekends, so listen up: The W as in "Will you marry me?" will be running on the Q as in "cookie" line. And the R as in (goes in operatic singing voice) "rooooooooooomeooooooooooo" will be running normally for the rest of the weekend. Alright y’all… There you go. Enjoy your Saturday!

–Canal Street Subway Station

Overheard by: stfo

Posted on July 4, 2015
Advice, All Wednesday One-Liners, Boys, Crazies, Gays and Lesbians, Hobos, Kids, Murray Hill and Gramercy, On the Subway, Public Transportation, Restaurants & Cafes, Soho, Subway conductors, Terrorism, Words

I Wanna Dip My Wednesday One-Liners in It!

Dude, walking up to security desk in emergency room: Hi. It feels like my balls are about to fall off.

–St. Lukes Roosevelt Hospital

Overheard by: Kate Melvin

Stoner chick: The girls are all hairy balls, and the photos look like hairy balls, and they wear hairy ball sacks, but Tyra is the biggest hairy ball of them all.

–7 train

Overheard by: bronwyn

Out-of-place guido: I ain’t wearing nothin’ that touches my balls to my asshole!

–8th Ave

Overheard by: finds it comforting

Teenage boy to friends, about a movie: Yooo, it’s like a chick flick with balls!!! You know, like a guy’s chick flick!!!"

–E 85th St & 3rd Ave

Guy: I use Burt’s bees for my balls.

–Broadway & W 4th

Overheard by: Jake R

Guy #1 to guy #2: I really think you’d feel a lot better if you felt my balls.

–6th Ave & Bleecker

Posted on July 4, 2015
Advice, All Wednesday One-Liners, Asshole, Balls, Boys, Clothing, Compare/Contrast, Gender issues, Girls, Guidos, Guys, Hair, Health and Hygiene, Hospitals, Insects, On the Subway, Stoners, Street, Teens, The Village, Union Square and East Village, Upper East Side

A Rhesus Monkey is Really Not a Good Pet

Mother: I don’t want you playing with that! It’s too big for you!
Son: I’m gonna spank it if I want to!

–Goodwill, 23rd St

Overheard by: Lady

Posted on July 2, 2015
Boys, Fighting and ass kicking, Kids, Moms, Parents, Store, Threats

…My Parents, Teachers, Mailmen, That Guy at the Bodega…

Middle-school boy: Yeah, you’re a pathological liar.
Middle-school girl: What do you mean? When have I lied to you? I never lie. I only lie to my therapist.

–1 train

Overheard by: cate