Wednesday One-Liners Catch It in the End

Drunk girl: I don’t like god, he always tries to put it in my butt.

–D train

20-something man to friend: P.S. It was in the ass that I fucked her.

–3rd Ave

Overheard by: AdHoculi

Girl on cell: I mean, I don’t know if it’s because I like never do this or if it’s because it’s sooo big… But my ass is like really sore now! I mean, I can’t even sit down.

–UWS

Teenage girl on cell: You sound surprisingly perky for someone who just got butt raped.

–Grand Central

Overheard by: westchester girl

Young lady:… And then he jammed it in my shitbox.

–Livingston and Boerum, Brooklyn Heights

B&T suit on cell: You just have to level with her, dude. Just tell her that if she wants to land a husband in this day and age, she has to learn to like it in the butt.

–Madison Square Garden

Overheard by: David

Posted on April 9, 2008
Advice, All Wednesday One-Liners, B & T, Backdoor, Brooklyn, Compare/Contrast, Default, Drunks, Friends, Girls, God, Grand Central, Madison Square Garden, Marriage, Men, On Cell, On the Subway, Rape, Suits, Teens, Upper West Side & Lincoln Center, Words

The Shameless Name Dropping Of Wednesday One-Liners

Elegant lady on cell: I’m a powerful influence on the Kennedys.

–Columbus Circle

Overheard by: Wild Dog Boy

Fat black man to white man who breaks his umbrella while trying to help him open it: Aw, hells no. Don’t make me go all Britney Spears on yo’ ass.

–Duane Reade, 57th & Broadway

Chick, to guy: Danny Pintauro hit on you at a leather club?

–14th St & 6th Ave

Overheard by: Ladle

Professor to class: … The ark of the covenant gone, only to be found by Harrison Ford later on.

–Fordham University

Overheard by: Krisztina

Barista to meathead: … That’s the thing about Drew Bledsoe. He smokes a lot of marijuana.

–11th & Bedford

NYU girl: I want to be Patrick Dempsey! So I could fuck myself!

–Washington Square Park

Overheard by: Maya G.

Suit on cell: Dude, you’re dating Sigourney Weaver? Right now? Dude, are you kissing her? Are you grabbing her ass? Does she still have an ass at this point?

–66th & Broadway

Overheard by: Ken

Posted on April 9, 2008
About Celebrities, All Wednesday One-Liners, Ass, Baristas, Black People, Brooklyn, Dating, Default, Duane Reade, Fat People, Fordham, Girls, K-I-S-S-I-N-G, Men, Midtown & Hell's Kitchen, Music, On Cell, Politics, Questions, Rich people, S&M, Sex, Smoking, Street, Students, Suits, Teachers/Professors, Union Square and East Village, Upper West Side & Lincoln Center, Washington Square Park, Weed, Weirdness, Wishes & desires, Women

In the Shallow End of the Gene Pool

Red-dressed hipster chick at the bloc party concert: Bloc party?
Hipster boyfriend: Yeah, it’s the band name, stupid.
Red-dressed hipster chick at the bloc party concert: Why don’t they just call it pool party? …I mean we’re in an effing pool!

–McCarran Pool, Brooklyn

Posted on April 8, 2008
Boyfriends, Brooklyn, Default, Girlfriends, Hipsters, Music, Names, Stupidity, Words

Did the Boy Oversleep, Too?

Big black guy: I thought she was goin’ to get an abortion?
Tiny Rican girl: Yeah, but she overslept and missed her appointment.
Big black guy: How do you miss an abortion appointment?!
Tiny Rican girl: Well she’s only seventeen, she’s not really responsible yet.
Big black guy, yelling: Well then maybe she shouldn’t have been thinking about sex yet! For Christ’s sake she missed her abortion appointment! What a whore!

–H&M, Brooklyn

Overheard by: SaraSil

Posted on April 6, 2008
Abortion, Age/Aging, Black People, Brooklyn, Default, Gender issues, Girls, Guys, Insults, Puerto Ricans, Questions, Sex & Relationships, Store

And I’m Like, You Just Happened to Have a Video Camera?

Teenage girl: My mom is always walkin’ in on me having sex. I’m all like, mom what the fuck, I’m all having sex. Get the fuck out.
Teenage boy: Oh daaamn, I hate that. I always turn the music up real loud so my mom can’t hear me fuck. I fucked my girl to that Akon song. I was in her so deep and that shit was just pumpin’!
Girl: Ohh daaamn.
Boy: You need to tell your mom to get all out yo shit.
Girl: Yeah, she’s always walkin’ in right in the middle and I’m all like, mom get out. Then she tells me she didn’t know, and I’m like, mom I don’t got to tell you every time I’m having sex.

–Target, Brooklyn

Overheard by: Nate

Posted on April 5, 2008
Boys, Brooklyn, Default, Family Ties, Girls, Gripes, Music, Offers and requests, Parents, Relationships, Sex, Store, Teens

And Afterwards, He Even Said It Was “Fabulous”

Girl: So you kept sleeping with him after he told you?
Friend: Yeah. I mean, he couldn’t have been that gay… We were having sex!

–Cafe Lafayette, Brooklyn

Posted on April 4, 2008
Brooklyn, Compare/Contrast, Default, Friends, Gays and Lesbians, Girls, Questions, Restaurants & Cafes, Sex

No, Experience Has Taught Me It’s Much Easier to Hurt Strangers

Boy, speaking to sister: So, next time you’re out with your boyfriend and you don’t pick up your phone because you don’t hear it in your bag, I’m beating him up.
Girl: Uhh…don’t you think you should meet him first?

–Dyker Beach Golf Course

Overheard by: Lotte

Posted on April 3, 2008
Brooklyn, Brothers, Cell Phone, Dating, Default, Questions, Sisters, Threats, Violence

And a Live Person. Not Like Last Time.

Man: $100 for a garbage can?!?
Woman: Unless there’s a person in it…

–Target, Brooklyn

Overheard by: Drizzle

Posted on April 1, 2008
Brooklyn, Business and Commerce, Customers, Default, Gripes, Men, Money & Class, Offers and requests, Questions, Store, Weirdness, Women

Dog: “Ugh! She Wants it AGAIN? I’m Only Canine!”

Girl #1: She wants a doggie.
Guy: A doggie?
Girl #1: Yeah, a doggie.
Girl #2: She likes it doggie?
Girl #1: That’s the only reason she lives for.

–Fort Green, Brooklyn

Overheard by: Rat

Posted on March 31, 2008
Brooklyn, Default, Friends, Girls, Gossip, Happiness, Sex, Wishes & desires

I’m Sketchy in a Much Cooler Way

Girl #1: Yeah, I got a fake ID yesterday at 42nd Street.
Girl #2: Oh my god, let me see!
Girl #3: Yeah, I wanna see, too!
Girl #1: No way. We’re not passing it around. I’m not sketchy like that.

–Pratt Institute, Brooklyn

Posted on March 27, 2008
Brooklyn, College, Compare/Contrast, Crime and Punishment, Default, Fashionistas, Friends, Girls, Sorority Girls, Wishes & desires, Words