Brooklyn

Hipster: Ugh, my mom keeps forgetting to deposit my unemployment check.

–Williamsburg

Shouting hipster: I tripped over a Mexican!

–Spring St

Overheard by: Brigdh

Hipster girl to guy she is sitting with at the bar: I should have let you cum on my bedspread.

–5th Ave & Bergen, Brooklyn

Dozing hipster, muttering in his sleep: That's what she said.

–G Train

Overheard by: Sunny

Upset hipster chick to friends: So now that my brother's going to college,they're not going to pay my rent anymore. I told my mom, "I'm twenty-five, I pay all my other bills on time, I haven't done anything wrong!"

–Union Pool, Williamsburg

Eldest son, Coming from church in Sunday best: So, dad, does Star Wars take place in the past or the future?
Dad: The past.
(pause)
Son: Wait… that doesn't make any sense!
Dad: “Long ago, in a galaxy far, far away…”

–Bedford Ave

Overheard by: NIckET

Dude: So what's up, man?
Homeboy: Same old grind man, you?
Dude: What's up with your girl?
Homeboy, all smiley: Oh, man! She just miscarried, thank god! I couldn't be happier, dun!
Dude: Oh, yeah?
Homeboy: Yeah, it was great! Thank god!
Dude: Okay. Peace, man.
Homeboy: Still smiling, no doubt kid, one!

–Bedford Ave & Myrtle Ave

Overheard by: krillz

Young guy: If I see another blue penis it would be too soon!

–42nd St

Overheard by: alecko

Girl on cell: She just bought a merkin… It was pink, you know, to match her hair. (pause) Would you want to rub toxic dye down there?

–Williamsburg

Girl to another: Just because he is wearing a different colored shirt, he's still the same guy.

–Central Park

Flamboyant guy, shouting to girl in very short orange dress: I have that same orange dress in purple!

–South Street Seaport

Overheard by: Green Star

Mother to four-year-old wearing pink shirt and shoes: Not *everything* has to be pink, honey.

–Rite Aid, Carroll Gardens

Overheard by: Sunny

Little boy: Where's my hat? I need my hat!
Mom: Where's some manners? You need some manners.
Little boy: Actually, they're in my hat.

–Brooklyn

4-year-old boy to father waiting in line to buy ice cream cone: I used to like chocolate, but not so much anymore. (pauses to consider) Now I think it's disgusting.
Father, shocked: That's pretty strong language!

–Bittersweet Cafe, DeKalb Ave

Overheard by: Hilariter

Older woman: She's still a butthead for moving out so soon.
Girl: Grandma, she had a baby!
Older woman: I don't care.

–Brooklyn Heights

Overheard by: JEI

Woman on cell: He was here for ten days and he only touched my boobs twice!

–Penn Station

Overheard by: and my girlfriend would be upset if it were 10 minutes

Old thug passing three fat chicks on their way to a club: Explosion of titties!

–Myrtle Ave, Brooklyn

Hipster barista guy: A boob is just a moisturized bag of skin, seriously!

–Think Coffee

Overheard by: its to early for this conversation

Full-on punk guy: Dude! Shit is so good! I just want someone to squirt tahini all over my tits!

–St. Mark's Place

Overheard by: Dahlia

Girl on phone: Wait! What? No! Well, I do shit a lot. But I don't want to shit my boobs away!

–Times Square

Young black girl #1: Why ain't you under the umbrella? You black.
Young black girl #2: I don't give a fuck if my hair gets messed up.
Young black girl #1: You black! You so black!

–Brooklyn

Overheard by: rpk

Hispanic teenage girl #1: I don't know about that girl. She just don't fit in with our group.
Hispanic teenage girl #2: Yeah, she think she ghetto fabulous, but she just ghetto.

–Brooklyn