Asian guy #1: Hey, I know why I'm so hot.
Asian guy #2: Why?
Asian guy #1: Because I have my volleyball shorts on.
Asian guy #2: Good. I was wondering why your butt looked so big.
–American Apparel Flea Market
Asian guy #1: Hey, I know why I'm so hot.
Asian guy #2: Why?
Asian guy #1: Because I have my volleyball shorts on.
Asian guy #2: Good. I was wondering why your butt looked so big.
–American Apparel Flea Market
Lady jogger #1: I don't like jeans. I don't think they're comfortable.
Lady jogger #2: No?
Lady jogger #1: I mean, I wear them to work and all. But I'd rather wear a sweatsuit.
–Central Park
Spoiled hipster girl: Yeah, like that time your mom borrowed my top to go clubbing.
Spoiled hipster boy: Well, I hope she got action in it!
Spoiled hipster girl: She did, I think she hooked up with some married man. That's why I have the money for the new top I'm getting!
–Urban Outfitters, West Village
30-something woman on cell: And then he says to me "you have a very nice placenta!"
–85th & 3rd
Overheard by: Whitney Simmons
Shoe shine guy to woman walking by: Nice boots! Nice hat! You sure got a lot of nice things, lady!
–47th & 6th
Overheard by: CreateEvity
NYU girl on cell: Ew! Emma? I can't believe a guy is interested in Emma! I know she's nice, but that's just gross. I really just cannot believe anyone could possibly be attracted to her! She's so ugly!
–Washington Square Park
Enthusiastic Jewish lady in jury room: He's very nice! He's very nice! He's going to be a *happy* archbishop!
–Centre St
Overheard by: Harriet Vane
Three-year-old girl: Don't be sassy, mommy, daddy's being nice.
–Front St.
Overheard by: Aviva
Older black man to circle of friends: I'll bend her over a bench and stick it into her! You know–I'm a nice guy.
–Flatbush & Lincoln
Teenage boy #1: I don't know, man. I mean, she's hot, but…
Teenage boy #2: Dude, have you seen her? I would wring her socks out with my mouth.
–20th St., Windsor Terrace
Overheard by: Mel
Hot girl #1: You've gotta admit, you have some weird kinks.
Hot girl #2: Hey, if you can rock a suit, you can rock my world.
–Union Square
Overheard by: Amen
Mystical store clerk to very serious customer: Yeah, I went through like half the winter like without the appropriate headbands!
–Bookstore
Overheard by: teen
Older woman to younger woman: At least you're not wearing windpants anymore. That's an improvement right there.
–Bedford Ave & N 5th St
Middle-aged businessman to two others: In my life I've seen, at most, three people who look good in spandex.
–40th St b/w 5th & Madison Ave
Teen on cell: I think we're going to need something more supportive than a fanny pack.
–113th St & Broadway
Overheard by: Jeremy
Fabulous hobo: Why does a homeless man wear couture? Because he wants to show off!
–Union Square
20-something guy #1: I don't need, like, a mansion, or a million cars, just a job that pays enough to live and get around and, you know, have a lot of clothes.
20-something guy #2: Dude, but then you get married and she takes all the money. I'm telling you, every paycheck goes right in her purse.
–Broadway & 87th St.
Overheard by: married for love
Brunette meeting up with friend: Hey. You know your outfit is hideous?
Blonde: Yeah, I know.
–Manhattan
Guy: So then he put my Speedo on his head and I was like “Dude! That was from the dirty basket!”
Girl: Gross! Did he get pink eye?
Guy: No?
Girl: I heard that if you get poop in your eye you get pink eye.
Guy: I don't poop in my Speedo!
–Times Square
Overheard by: oh?
