Wednesday One-Liners, As God Made Them

Woman on cell: You know, if it weren't for you, I'd be naked right now!

–14th St & 7th Ave

Woman on cell: So I enrolled him in that clothing optional preschool…

–Midtown

Overheard by: My preschool wasn't like that!

Burly guy on cell: Do me a favor: when you get back to the shop… No, listen, when you get back to the shop, sit backwards on the bike and have him rev it up. Naked. You'll cum in three seconds. No, trust me, trust me. Alright? Love you, darlin'. Bye.

–45th St & 3rd Ave

Overheard by: I want to ride my bicycle

Guy on cell: Alright, well, if I see you naked I'm probably gonna run away.

–15th & 8th

Girl, looking at nude painting: Finally, a woman with pubes!

–MoMA

Posted on September 9, 2009
All Wednesday One-Liners, Chelsea & the Meatpacking District, Clothing, Cum, Elementary & Middle School, Girls, Guys, Hair, Love, Midtown & Hell's Kitchen, MoMA, Nudity, Offers and requests, On Cell, One-liners, Street, Time, Visual Art, Wednesday One-Liners, Weirdness, Women

When We Have Liquid Latex?

Guy #1: In the future, no one will wear pants. People will realize how unnecessary they are.
Guy #2: Or maybe Spandex will come back…

–B Train

Posted on September 7, 2009
Clothing, Guys, On the Subway, Weirdness

Wednesday One-Liners: Soon to Be Gentrified

Ghetto woman on cell: No, no… he ain't ghetto. He ghetto fabulous.

–28th & Lexington

Ditzy tourist: Did you know that, like, all the trains with numbers go to all the rich places and all the trains with letters, like, go to the ghetto areas.

–6 Train

Loud guy: Is that a 50 cent soda? You know you in the ghetto when you got a 50 cent soda.

–Jackson Heights

Woman on cell: That bitch is mad ghetto. She wore her wedding dress to work.

–Lenox & 118th St

Overheard by: K

Posted on August 26, 2009
All Wednesday One-Liners, Clothing, Drinks, Ghetto Chicks, Gossip, Guys, Harlem & Morningside Heights, Marriage, Money & Class, Murray Hill and Gramercy, Nicknames & name calling, On Cell, On the Subway, One-liners, Public Transportation, Queens, Questions, Street, Stupidity, Tourism, Tourists, Wednesday One-Liners, Women

Who Wears the Pants in Your Wednesday One-Liners?

Older man: If you drank a thousand gallons of beer, and then took off your pants…

–79th & West End

Girl to guy with beavers on pants: Excuse me, are those beavers on your pants?

–6 Train

20-something preppy girl on cell: Whenever I'm cheating on my boyfriend, I take off my pants and pretend to be an albino bunny.

–Central Park

Overheard by: that one girl

Guy on cell: If I don't get in her pants tonight, I'm gonna fuck you up!

–1st Ave

Aging drag queen to friend: It's much better than sick obsessions with blond males between the ages of 18 and 25 who always take their pants off to play GameCube.

–The Village

Overheard by: Amused NYU Tischie

Posted on August 19, 2009
Age/Aging, All Wednesday One-Liners, Animals & Nature, Central Park, Clothing, Compare/Contrast, Drag queens, Drinking & Drunk People, Friends, Girls, Guys, Hair, Infidelity, Men, Nudity, Old People, On Cell, On the Subway, One-liners, Parks, Preppies, Questions, Sex, Street, The Village, Threats, Upper West Side & Lincoln Center, Video Games, Wednesday One-Liners, Weirdness

I Foresee a Very Popular Viral Video

Big girl #1: Your ass is hanging out. You know you're too big for those shorts.
Big girl #2: Shut up. You know everyone likes watching my shit go all boom boom.
Big girl #3: You're gonna boom boom some guy's nuts off with that thing some day.

–8th & 36th

Overheard by: Km

Posted on August 15, 2009
Ass, Balls, Chelsea & the Meatpacking District, Clothing, Diet/Weight, Girls, Height

Let's Make This Train Ride Irritating for Everyone

Guy: You know, with that blue polo, you look exactly like Billy Mays. Say, “OxiClean.”
Bearded guy, yelling: Billy Mays here for OxiClean! Wait, no. (clears throat) Billy Mays here…

–E Train

Overheard by: pete

Posted on August 14, 2009
About Celebrities, Clothing, Colors, Compare/Contrast, Guys, On the Subway

Wednesdays Wet Their One-Liners

Girl: So then I said "mother, I am 20 years old and you cannot tell me I can't go to Wet 'n Wild!"

–Central Park

Overheard by: Quella

Weird chick: Eeeeek! That toilet is flooding! My Payless shoes are getting wet! My beautiful Payless shoes! All this water looks like that movie, The Blob! Oh, I hate you, Steve McQueen! I hate you, I hate you!

–Women's Restroom, Port Authority

Overheard by: Amber Star

Drunk girl to drunker friend who spilled beer on her lap: Again with the vaginal wetness?

–LIRR

Guy to a girl in laundromat: Why can't you dry your underwear? Is that because they're so used to being wet when you're wearing them?

–1st. Ave & 7th St

Overheard by: Mike

Girl to boy: So about this whole wet dream thingy…

–C Train

Posted on August 12, 2009
About Celebrities, Age/Aging, All Wednesday One-Liners, Boys, Central Park, Clothing, Compare/Contrast, Dreams, Drinking & Drunk People, Drunks, Friends, Girls, Gripes, Guys, Horny, Laundromat, Movies, On the Subway, One-liners, Parents, Parks, Port Authority, Questions, Shoes, Street, Stupidity, Trains Not Subway, Union Square and East Village, Vagina, Wednesday One-Liners, Weirdness

Wednesday One-Liner: The Diet Of Choice for Teenage Girls

Dude to another: One of us threw up in Joanna's underwear drawer, so she was really pissed.

–181st & Bennett

Girl to another: Well, you don't want to throw up in front of the guy you just had sex with!

–7th b/w 2nd & 3rd

Girl in diner booth: I'm about to throw up in my pants.

–Henry & Court

Overheard by: Alex

Train conductor lady: I am not playin'. People need to get home. Get all the way in or get off. If you are vomiting, please exit the train. I will keep this train right here and kick off every damn one of you wearing green.

–Penn Station, St. Patrick's Day

Guy, vomiting on tree: Man, fuck that tang.

–Carlton Ave, Brooklyn

Overheard by: Zoe

Posted on August 5, 2009
All Wednesday One-Liners, Anger Management, Brooklyn, Clothing, Colors, Conductors, Drinks, Girls, Guys, Insults, Kick, Parades & Festitivites, Penn Station, Public Transportation, Sex, Staten Island, Street, Threats, Union Square and East Village, Vomit, Wednesday One-Liners, Weirdness, Wishes & desires

It Seemed a Structural Impossibility on an Asian

Asian guy #1: Hey, I know why I'm so hot.
Asian guy #2: Why?
Asian guy #1: Because I have my volleyball shorts on.
Asian guy #2: Good. I was wondering why your butt looked so big.

–American Apparel Flea Market

Posted on August 4, 2009
Asians, Ass, Clothing, Height, Parades & Festitivites, Physical appearance, Stupidity

To Make Men Guess What Kind Of Shape I'm in

Lady jogger #1: I don't like jeans. I don't think they're comfortable.
Lady jogger #2: No?
Lady jogger #1: I mean, I wear them to work and all. But I'd rather wear a sweatsuit.

–Central Park

Posted on August 3, 2009
Athletes, Central Park, Clothing, Compare/Contrast, Gripes, Parks, Physical appearance

Clothing