English teacher: So tell me: why might Martin Luther King have written “I have a dream”? What was he trying to accomplish?
Ditzy blonde freshman, raising hand: Well, I mean, he was trying to free all the slaves. Duh!
–Wagner College
Overheard by: Rupert
Professor: Do you guys watch American Idol? It's painful.
–Lehman College
Film student #1: It's kind of like Cloverfield meets The L Word.
–Waverly Place & Broadway
Valley girl wearing UGGs, pointing to Guggenheim: Oh! I think this is the building where Blair and Serena live!
–Outside of Guggenheim
Really effeminate 40-something man: I always pick up when he calls, and he was so mad I didn't this time… but I couldn't, because I was still in mourning over American Idol!
–114th & Broadway
Overheard by: Melissa
Queer to female friend: I was watchin' Oprah the other day. Oprah is legit! She had Christina Applegate on. You know, that girl from Married with Children and she was talkin' 'bout her breasts. She got breast cancer and they took both of them off! She had on of them lumpectomies.
–J Train
Guy: That's the new American dream–fuck up your life so much that you get your own tv show.
–Fundraising Walk, Battery Park
Overheard by: Harriet Vane
Metal chick: Why is it that everyone who goes away to college loves Dave Matthews Band or O.A.R.?
Friend: I don’t know, but they both suck.
Metal chick: That’s why I left school. I fucking hate Dave Matthews Band.
–Downtown 1 train
Gay guy with fohawk: I was so drunk I had to leave. I was so afraid something was going to happen and I was going to wake up and be like, “shit! I fucked a girl!”
Girl: Damn!
–FIT
Teen boy: “Romanian”? What’s that, Italian?
–N train
White woman to friend: Wow, this is a great place to meet straight people!
–Madison Square Garden
Dude to female passenger: If I was straight, I'd be hitting that, but I'm not straight, so I won't be hitting that.
–Downtown A Train
Overheard by: Maggie
Yelling blonde: What's my type? He should be straight, that's my type.
–68th & Columbus
Amateur philosopher: If I wasn't straight, I'd totally be gay.
–Edward R. Murrow High School, Brooklyn
Overheard by: Headaches
Teen girl to friend: They're not gay! They're just old!
–Park Slope
Overheard by: Peter
Girl on cell: Sorry I texted you when you were giving birth.
–27th St & Park Ave
20-something girl: I kept saying, "I emailed a text to him!"
–Pub, 59th & 3rd
Overheard by: Bluetoothed them a postcard
20-something girl correcting her friend's text message: No, you don't need an apostrophe there. It's "hos," plural, not "of or pertaining to a ho."
–M15 Bus
Overheard by: Lauren
Guy with suitcase on cell: I sent him a text asking if I could stay at his place, and he said sure. I find out today he was being sarcastic.
–116th & Broadway
Student: Okay, it's 3:20. I think it's an appropriate time to text Ben and tell him I had a sex dream about him.
–Sarah Lawrence College
Overheard by: Anna
Student to another: Marcus, did I blow that tree?
Marcus: What?
–Pratt Institute
Roommate #1, from kitchen: Hey, have you seen my pot?
Roommate #2: Wait… The one you cook with?
Roommate #1: Yeah.
Roommate #2: Oh! Uh, no.
–Pratt Institute
Headline by: usual suspect
Runners-Up:
· “Awkward Moments Like This Are Why Chamber Pots Went Out Of Fashion” – allison
· “Guess I’m Using the Water Bong to Make Noodles Then…” – Zuel Beast
· “LIES! You Know You Meant BOTH!” – Whee!
· “The Meth Lab Was Never As Well Organized As the Living Room” – batou187
· “Wait, Did It Have Doritos in It?” – Jay Walke
· “Wait, the One You Put the Brownies In, or the One You Put in the Brownies?” – j3rry
Girl to friend: You have to stop setting your brother on fire.
–Broadway
Overheard by: sandm
Student to professor: Urinating on fire? What the hell, Freud?
–Wagner College, Staten Island
Tool on cell: If burning leaves in the schoolyard is wrong, I don’t wanna be right!
–E 44th St & 2nd Ave
Blond woman: And that was the night I burned my eyebrows off!
–Union Square
Some guy: I spent all of last night searching my body for it, but I promise you if I find it, I’ll burn it.
–The Village
Older woman at art gallery, looking at the price list: That burns my ass. Sorry, but that burns my ass.
–57th St
