Guy #1: He knew he was gay!
Guy #2: He didn't know he was. He couldn't accept it.
Guy #1: Well, he accepted enough to suck a dick!
–24th & 7th
Guy #1: He knew he was gay!
Guy #2: He didn't know he was. He couldn't accept it.
Guy #1: Well, he accepted enough to suck a dick!
–24th & 7th
Drunk man: What's your name?
Sober woman: Emily.
Drunk man: Can we talk, Emily?
Sober woman: Sorry, I have to go call my boyfriend.
Drunk man, clutching heart: Dagger! Your name should be “dagger.”
–Coming Out of UWS Bar
Overheard by: That's cold
Girlfriend to fiance, while shaking ring off of finger: Look, my ring is getting too big again. Am I losing weight?
Fiance: You're losing weight and I'm losing interest in you.
–E 95th St
Overheard by: Sarah
Female tourist: Hey, we're in New York City! We can let our hair down and have fun!
Male tourist: Too bad I'm bald.
Female tourist: Well, you're screwed.
–Starbucks
Friend #1: I hope I never have an ugly baby.
Friend #2: Well, then don't get pregnant.
–B38 Bus
Overheard by: Paula Lanier
Professor: I have nothing against horse rapists, generally speaking.
–New School University
Overheard by: Evan Gilmer
Psychology professor: Chocolate may make you feel good, but cocaine will make you feel a lot better!
–Barnard College
Elderly history professor: I'm not sure of the consequences of what I'm saying, but I'm sure it's terribly important.
–Pratt Institute
Serious professor, on Freud: What's the matter, Anne, are you thinking about penis envy?
–Classroom, Hunter College
Overheard by: Rara
Bearded professor: He drew an eye on the bird and asked me "do you know what this means?" (short pause) "I swallow." What do you say to that?
–94th St & Broadway
Overheard by: DI
Elderly professor: You two ladies in the back want to cut the bullshit and listen to my brilliance?
–Tisch School of the Arts
Overheard by: Bruce Lee
Guido #1: Yo, your team hasn't won a playoff in ten years. Maybe not this year, but the Jets are going all the way to the Super Bowl.
Guido #2: Yeah, and if my aunt had balls she'd be my uncle. (pause) If my aunt had balls, she'd be my uncle.
–1 Train
Overheard by: DZB
Rite Aide worker #1: Yo, where are the keys?
Rite Aide worker #2: They're in my pocket… Jeez!
(Rite Aide worker #1 takes keys out of #2's pant pocket)
Rite Aide worker #2: Don't violate me!
Rite Aide worker #1: You know you like it.
–Rite Aide, Carrol Gardens
Guy #1: Has Mark* confirmed that he's coming?
Guy #2: I dunno, I haven't checked Facebook in a while.
Passerby: That's cuz you're gay.
–12th St & 3rd Ave
Overheard by: casey
Street fair psychic to sorority girls walking by: Hello, ladies. Can I interest you in a psychic reading? Tarot cards? Palm reading?
Sorority girl: I'm sorry, I don't believe in psychics.
Street fair psychic: Well, I don't believe in you!
–Union Square
