JAP #1: It's like seeing a midget in drag.
JAP #2: Oh, I've always wanted to see that.
–35th St & Lexington
JAP #1: It's like seeing a midget in drag.
JAP #2: Oh, I've always wanted to see that.
–35th St & Lexington
Older black man to younger black man: Yeah, cause you don't need to say you're from the Jers to pick up chicks, they ain't like that here, son. I mean, if she's mad hot then you can clue her in that you're from Jersey, but only if you think she can appreciate your flow…
–Lafayette & St. James
Frat boy crossing street: Butthole in New Jersey.
–Flatbush Ave & 7th, Brooklyn
Overheard by: Hunter
Stoned-looking teen to friend: Are you from New Jersey? Maybe you told me, but I can just, like, sense it…
–Union Square
Overheard by: wgoddessw
Guy to friend: Yeah, man, I was watching that show Jersey Shore the other night… Makes me glad I live on Long Island.
–Penn Station
Overheard by: Fistpump like a champ
Stressed film major: You are going to give me that fucking power chord. Then I'm going to punch you in the vag. Then you're coming to New Jersey with me.
–Tisch School of the Arts
Overheard by: Bruce Lee
Slutty gay kid: My ass is not a storage shed for your dick.
–6th Ave & W 11th St
Overheard by: Matthew
Man on cell on bench at midnight: It's like this: you either take it in the ass or suck dick.
–Battery Park
Overheard by: DAISYMAE
Guy holding KY lube containers to passer-by: Hey, you want some for your girlfriend? You can put it on her asshole.
–St. Mark's
Overheard by: Kon
Girl on cell: Maybe if you change your relationship status on Facebook to "in a relationship", I'll let you have buttsex with me.
–SoHo
Overheard by: seal
Blond suit screaming into BlackBerry: I said I don't want buttsex for Valentine's Day!
–38th St & Broadway
Overheard by: Kat
Woman to cashier: Do you have a bathroom I could use?
Cashier: No, we don't have public bathrooms here.
Woman: It is harder to pee in New York than to see a gorilla doing the Watusi in Times Square at high noon.
–Times Square
Frumpy female office worker, hanging up phone: Yes! He just asked me out!
Ordinary female office worker: Are you excited?
Frumpy female office worker: Are you kidding? I feel just like Sadie Hawkins on Sadie Hawkins day!
–Empire St. Bldg office
Overheard by: Tom
Student #1: If we spit at the same time they'll hit the rail at the same time.
Student #2: No way! My spit will beat your spit down, no problem!
–1 Train
Overheard by: Joseph Durning
Yuppie girl #1: This thing with Robert is just killing me…
Yuppie girl #2: How bad could it possibly be?
Yuppie girl #3: Ugh… It's like when-Heidi-Klum-married-Seal bad!
–Union Square
Tourist dude #1: You know, New York is exactly like Miami, only Miami is nicer.
Tourist dude #2: I don't know, dude…
Tourist dude #1: And there isn't much to do here!
–44th St & 8th Ave
Girl on phone: I gotta go to another guy because the last guy was like, "have you been sleeping with any Asian investment bankers?" and I was like, "no," and he's like, "well, then you don't have syphilis." And I'm like, "you're not a very good doctor!"
–Greenpoint
Girl on train: You should really meet this guy. He's like half witchdoctor and half… I don't know… Physical therapist.
–LIRR
Overheard by: The WC
Bag lady, yelling: What is my vital sign, asshole? Systolic… Diastolic… The fuck does that mean, Mr. Doctorman?
–6 Train
Overheard by: pretending not to have been pre-med in college
Suit on cell: What do you mean I'm being ridiculous? He's a foot doctor… He's not licensed to give rectal exams, Floyd!
–Q Train
Overheard by: EKavet
Girl to boyfriend, after taking deep breath: Can you smell that? It's like the ghost of meats past!
–10th Ave, Meatpacking District
Suit: Turkey-bacon? How did you guys get them in one meat?
–Grand Central Place
Young lady to another: And then we were all treated to sausages…
–E. Houston & Bowery
Overheard by: Luke McPartlin
Five-year-old boy to bewildered mother: We're gonna go work for a giant meatball!
–86th St & Lexington
Distraught-looking white woman to boyfriend: I just wish I'd gotten the more expensive steak. (boyfriend nods sympathetically)
–Upper East Side
