Waiting patron to man in stylist chair: You look like the guy in that old gangster movie. It's not Scarface, though.
Hair stylist: The one with John Travolta, right?
Patron: No, no, it's an old one, with George Raft.
Man in chair: I don't know which one you mean…
Patron: No, it's an old one. Black and white, from the '30s.
Hair stylist: Face/Off, it's with John Travolta and Nicolas Cage.
–125th St & Broadway
Overheard by: EthanK
Train conductor: Ladies and gentlemen, there are four doors on each subway car. If one of them is crowded, walk over to another door. Seriously! We do not need 86 people standing at 86th Street. Just move to another door. It's simple mathematics!
–C Train
Teen shopper to friend: I like hate math except for like…when I'm counting calories and stuff.
–Fashion Closet
Girl to guy: Some people believe in the laws of attraction, I believe in the laws of subtraction.
–Bus Stop Cafe
Pharmacist to another: What's one half of a half?
–CVS
African-American father to five-year-old daughter: You see? That's why I send you to a Chinese school. Because those Chinese kids know how to do math. You gotta know how to do math if you want to make something of yourself. If I sent you to a black school, you'd just turn into a crackhead. If I sent you to a white school you'd turn into an asshole. But those Chinese kids, man, they know how to do shit.
–4 Train
Teacher: And if your friend comes up to you and says, "man, yesterday I had cosecant pi plus cotangent 2 pi slices of pizza today," …and you went and figured it out, you'd look at him and say "man, you're an asshole!"
–Hunter College High School
Overheard by: Kevo
Guy #1: So was it more like Mars or more like Earth?
Guy #2: She said it was more like Earth.
–7th Ave & 16th St
Guy: The more friends I have, the more of a chance that people aren't going to like me.
Girl: Yeah.
Guy: Like Jesus, he had 12 followers. Jesus was a gangsta!
Girl: Yeah.
–5th Ave & 13th St
Guy #1: I swear, dude–she smelled like fish!
Guy #2: Don't you work in a fish store?
Guy #1: Fuck you!
–Lexington & 45th
Overheard by: Allkohn
Headline by: My Little Nemo’s excited
Runners-Up:
· “Be Thankful You Don’t Work With Portable Toilets” – Gunther
· “For the Last Time, It’s Called “The Playboy Mansion”” – Duncan Pflaster
· “I Bet She Had Crabs Too” – Lee
· “Ishmael on Women” – Lena
· “When You Said He Was Sleeping With the Fishes, We Didn’t Assume …” – Laura
· “You Know I Only Kiss Them and Throw Them Back” – wirrrn
Mystified/amused pot dealer, as two jocks jog past him after sunset: They just runnin'! No cops, no robbers, no cowboys, no Indians, nothing blowin' up. They just runnin'!
–Washington Square Park
Overheard by: innocent bystander
Dad to three-year-old boy learning to how to swing: Well, maybe if you were in better shape, this would be easy for you. You need to work on your abdominals.
–Rckefeller Park
Overheard by: Maria
White buff guy, during spin class: I need to do some serious laundry, so I only had the one clean towel. If ya can't get one, I can always just give you mine and do my usual air dry jumping jacks for the insane amount of fems they have in the locker room over there. But apparently I have a bad-case-of-gay-face, because they look at me like a fat kid in front of the tasty delight window.
–29th St & Lexington
Overheard by: Lace
Suit to another: I wish I could bench press the sins of the world!
–74th St & Broadway
Girl in short skirt and stilettos: Did we just power-strut too far?
–PATH
Suit: If Mark didn't fall asleep and get his photo taken with lemons on his head, he might still be here.
–Elevator, Midtown
Overheard by: It got even better when they elaborated
Sweater-clad hipster guy: I probably spend more per year on strawberries and cream than on my education. It's worth it, though. I value them more than my education.
–Starbucks, Brooklyn
Teenage girl: I don't want you to tell me there's a banana somewhere in there, I want to see the banana go in there!
–Church Ave, Brooklyn
Overheard by: Sonny
Girl to guy drinking juice: Eating mangoes makes vaginas taste better.
–Broadway & 9th St
Overheard by: Jessica
Irritated voice in choir loft, in the dark, at the end of Good Friday service: In all the excitement, I seem to have sat on my banana.
–60th St & Park Ave
Overheard by: haysoos
Man on cell: Did anybody give grandma her mango? You know that bitch flips shit if she don't get her mango!
–Central Park
Overheard by: queenofscots
Thug: So growing up, he used to be this little guy with a fat face, all squinched up, with a huge mushroom haircut. And then high school hits, and bam! He grows his hair long…
Thugette: I know! He's like Jesus Christ! Oh my god!
Thug: Yeah! If you gave him a haircut and a little shape-up, he'd totally be Jesus.
Thugette, laughing hysterically: You think Jesus was getting a shape-up all the time? I don't think Jesus needed no shape-up!
–1 Train
Guy, after lengthy technical explanation: Yeah, so SPF 10 is only twice as strong as SPF 5.
Girl: Now I get it.
–Elevator, 39th & 2nd
Overheard by: kerin
Hipster queer #1: I brought you out here to tell you that I slept with your boyfriend last night.
Hipster queer #2: You are a bad bad friend.
Hipster queer #1: You've had worse.
Hipster queer #2: But not hairier.
Hipster queer #1: Would you like some gin?
Hipster queer #2: Obviously.
–Central Park
Overheard by: hairless
