Drunk girl on phone: Yeah, so I decided that I'll go on a date with you. (pause) Well, I made out with some guy tonight and… (pause) No, I don't think he's cuter than you. He's not really cute at all!
Guy she made out with: Um, I'm right here.
Drunk girl: Shhhhhhhhhh, I'm setting up a date with a cute guy!
–1st Ave & 8th St
Overheard by: amused
Drunk woman: You smell like shit!
Sober 20-something: I took a shower after I went to the gym.
Drunk woman: Did you shower in shit?
Sober 20-something: No.
Drunk woman: Oh.
(pause)
Drunk woman: Are you sure?
–Lafayette & Houston
Overheard by: Luke
Cashier chick: Yeah, I'm not sporty at all.
Hot cashier guy with snakebites: Oh, yeah, me either, the only sport I've ever played was chess.
–Urban Outfitters Store, NoHo
Overheard by: doesn't know how to play chess.
Thuggy white girl: I don't know why she complaining so much, I mean, they don't hurt that bad.
Skater chick: She just bein' a drama queen.
Thuggy white girl: I know! I mean…everybody got crabs.
–E 9th St & 2nd Ave
Girl #1: Did that cab smell like something to you?
Girl #2: Yeah, it smelled like burgers.
Girl #1: I was going to say smelled like the refugees.
Girl #2: What the fuck?
–44th & 9th
Overheard by: penny
Older woman to bored-looking male dinner companion, as they are seated at a table: Now we have to think of something to talk about.
–The Place, West Village
Overheard by: Colleen
Female grad student: I was trippy enough to talk to Shrek, but not trippy enough for him to answer.
–Columbia University
Overheard by: Poogins
Hobo with huge afro chasing after two chatting women: Are you talking when the champion is speaking?! How dare you?
–2nd Ave & 9th St
Teacher to class entering auditorium: Children, stop talking! This is a building!
–College of Mount Saint Vincent
Man on cell: Ray Romano, you're talking to a millionaire!
–Chelsea
Overheard by: Katie
Girl on phone: It's just like, he seriously has a really squishy face that you can stick your finger in, and it goes like a million miles in, and you're just like "what the fuck!" But yeah, nothing happened, we just talked.
–Palladium Residence Hall, NYU
Girl to friend: Yeah, so before I came in here I wasn't a vegetarian, but now my expectations have changed.
–New Williamsburg Cafe
Overheard by: Nick Ace
Jenny*: When I say that I'm a vegan, the other Jenny, the little Texan Jenny inside of me goes, "you are so disgusting!"
–Tisch School of the Arts
Overheard by: Southern Carnivore
White flyer lady, singing: Peeeeople! Veeeegans have bet-ter-sex, bet-ter-health, and live decades longer to enjoy it all!
–LaSalle & Broadway
Wannabe vegan on cell: Is applesauce vegan?
–Denny's
Guy: You know how vegetarians say they won't eat anything with a face? So what about that woman that got attacked by the chimp? Would they eat her? (stunned silence) Too soon?
–Steinway & Broadway, Astoria
Overheard by: Go Rangers!
Very young thug to slightly older thug: My nigga, I'm the fuckin' ghetto McGyver! I can make a…a cigarette filter into a knife!
–Uptown B Train
Overheard by: It's a little too squishy to be very threatening…
Ghetto man: A woman tried to stab me once while we was having sex!
–Broadway & 32nd St
Girl on cell: She got stabbed 15 times. They said it was self defense.
–94th St & 1st Ave
Overheard by: Dan Rosen
Black guy on cell: Dude, she was trying to stab me with a corkscrew! I couldn't listen to you at a time like that! I was in crisis mode! (pause) Yes! A fucking corkscrew! A corkscrew, nigga! A motherfucking corkscrew!
–Fulton Street Mall
Hobo, wearing plastic crown wrapped in toilet paper: And after I got out of jail for trying to stab that motherfucker with a screwdriver, I said "fuck it, I'm the motherfucking Statue of Liberty! What you looking at, whitey?"
–4/5 Train
Overheard by: Whitey
Hip young NYU student on cell: I was with Ricky again last night. (pause) Yeah, I had to pull the knife out on him again. (pause) No, but it was funny, though.
–NYU
Overheard by: brooklyn1234
Female student, pointing to ad of big M&M: I like this picture the best.
Professor: So you like big red things?
–John Jay College
Ranting teenager: Pregnancy hurts! I just don't understand why we can't just lay eggs like chickens.
Random hobo: No one likes their babies sunny side up!
–2nd Ave & 10th St
