Compare/Contrast

Cop on megaphone: Hand over your license and your registration. Now everyone in the Heights knows what I am waiting for.

–138th St & Amsterdam Ave.

Overheard by: tony l.

Hobo: I’m just black. I’m not a criminal.

–Outside MSG

Overheard by: Barry P.

Female cop, screaming out the window of her police car: Stop yelling on the street!

–Greenwich Ave & W 13th St

Overheard by: Pierce

White teen boy: You see, you can only mess with white people and Asian people because the worst thing they’ll do is call the cops. Anybody else–no one will ever hear from you again.

–1 train, southbound

Overheard by: Stephanie Shestakow

Hobo: Stand clear of the closing doors. You cannot block the doors. Keep your belongings with you at all times. If you see a suspicious package or activity, tell a police officer or MTA employee or me. My wife died and I want you to know that I’m single. I may not have any money, but I got plenty of honey. I want all the ladies to know that I’m single. Not the men, though. I’m not gay. I’m a lesbian. I like women.

–Downtown 5 train

Cop car, driving in bike lane, on loudspeaker: Move right. Move right! Your other right, idiot!

–8th Ave & 28th St

Overheard by: Rich Mintz

Thug: I hate white people. They’re always talking to the cops.

–1st Ave & 89thSt

Girl: Thank you.
Guy: For what?
Girl: For being you.
Guy: Can't you be more specific? I thank you for sex.

–24rd St & 3rd Ave

NYU dude: You can’t flirt. That’s you’re problem.
NYU chick: Whatever. I have wit and charm. You’ve got a picture of Tom Hanks over your bed.

–NYU

Overheard by: Quippy Pasqual

Hipster guy #1: Dude, your hair is getting really long.
Hipster guy #2: I know! It's nice. It's like having a hat…
Hipster guy #1: (silence)
Hipster guy #2: …made of hair.

–NYU

College kid: They should put up a question on the big screen that says, ‘Who fucked up the playoffs two years in a row for us: A) Number 13, B) ARod, C) Alex Rodriguez, or D) All of the above?
Friend: … Or maybe Kevin Brown.
Man in front of them: The future ain’t what it used to be…

–Yankee Stadium

Kid to another: Stephen king is the best autha, yo. But Danielle Steele is the best girl autha, yo.

–Barnes & Noble, Union Square

Overheard by: Joel

Teen to friend: Santa's a well-read dude, but they won't let him pee.

–5th Ave Barnes & Noble

Overheard by: Dude Santa

Ghetto chick: Yeah, maybe mama will actually buy a book…one day.

–Barnes & Noble, Union Square

Overheard by: Robert Gleyberman

Guy trying to push "free literature": This book is really important. It was the book that Gandhi followed. Do you know who Gandhi is? He's like the Indian Martin Luther King.

–L Train

Man reading Richard Scarry's What Do People Do All Day?: What? Poets do not write poetry all day! They work shitty jobs in design firms and sell things to assholes from San Diego! (turns page) And writers don't write all day! They pick up laundry for Park Slope bitches!

–Children's Section, Barnes & Noble, Court Street

Overheard by: Amused Bookseller

Five-year-old girl: My favorite part of the movie was the naked man!
Mother: Mine too, mama.
Five-year-old girl: Naked maaaaaaaan!
Father: Make her stop.

–Park Avenue & 25th St

Guy: I was reading about how, this week in history, women obtained the right to vote and the “I have a dream” speech was delivered. I was thinking that a black lesbian would have to be the most disadvantaged in history.
Friend: Yeah…or even a black, woman lesbian!

–4 Train

Overheard by: Thomas

Chick: My husband and I like to go to titty bars in the city. That’s why we get on so well — he likes girls and I like girls…. So, when you hang out with your buddies do you go to titty bars?
Dude: Er, not really — maybe once we went.

–Radio City Fashion Rocks show

Overheard by: Listening in the line

NYU gay #1: I have a fat ass.
NYU gay #2: Yeah, your ass is huge.
NYU gay #1: Well, I always say that it's better to have a fat ass than a fat belly. You can grab ass fat. Who wants to grab a gut?
NYU gay #2: True.

–10th & 4th Ave