Little girl: Daddy, daddy, will you buy me some Easter candy?
Father: No, sweetheart. We don’t celebrate Easter–we’re Jewish.
Little girl: But mommy buys me Easter candy!
Father: It’s not my fault your mother has abandoned her principles.
–Times Square
Tall girl: My little sister started stinkin' already, an' she only in third grade. I ain't start stinkin' till the fifth grade. When you start stinkin'?
Short girl: I ain't never stink.
Tall girl, snorting: Sure. (pauses and thinks) Why does everyone say girls stink between our legs? I know I don'. I'm fresh.
Short girl: You know that girl, she opens up her legs in class and you can smell at that shit.
Tall girl, shrugging: I don't go around sniffin pussy.
–Q43 Bus
Overheard by: beeniebooger
Modern orthodox girl: … And I was like, ‘Why should I be considerate? He doesn’t even keep kosher!’
–Barnard College
Overheard by: Considerate of non-shellfish eaters and shellfish eaters alike
Guy on cell: Well, I’m only Jewish by injection…
–82nd & Madison
Overheard by: I’m only Catholic because I took a pill…
Woman: I think I’m just too Jewish for yoga.
–Park Slope
20-ish girl on cell: I mean, Jesus Christ! The Jews in the RV just won’t leave me alone!
–St. Mark’s & Ave B
Overheard by: Also accosted by the mitzvah tank
Man on cell: How did I pull off that deal? I’m a Jew, and that means I have powers over money that a dumb goyim like you can only dream of. It’s like Jewish superhero powers. Just call me ‘Super Jew.’
–Near Madison Square Garden
Overheard by: Lesbian Whisperer
Little boy: Uhhh, half New Yorkish and, uhhh, half Jewish — is that what I am, Mom? Half New Yorkish and half Jewish?
–Rockefeller Center
Overheard by: Rosie
Drunk Asian girl: I was like totally supposed to be born on January 23, but was really born a week later, so like on January 30th. Then, a few years later, my sister was born on January 22. She like stole my birthday!
Gay guy: What a bitch!
Drunk Asian girl: I know! I always thought she was older than me because of that!
–Downtown A Train
Little girl: Mommy, mommy, look, that doggie is pee-peeing on the sidewalk!
Mom: Yeah, just like daddy last night.
–St. Mark's Place
Overheard by: suzz
Mother to friend: If our kids would just smoke weed they'd be fine.
–Borough Hall, Brooklyn
Five-year-old child, walking past table of glass bongs and pipes: Daddy, I want one!
–Astor Place
Promoter for comedy club: Free bag of weed if you come to the 9:30 show!
–Times Square
Enthusiastic, loud girl on cell: Smoking pot? So you were smoking…you don't have to be so worried about people hearing what you're saying, nobody's even listening…seriously.
–27th & 7th
Overheard by: And she had to end up being in my class..
30-something lady: When she was just selling pot to Kevin Nealon, I think that was better.
–Union Square
Overheard by: Brainy
Pilot (after landing plane in New York): American Airlines welcomes you all to foggy Ottawa, and we hope you had a pleasant flight.
Everybody on plane: Huh? What!
Pilot: Whoopsies, I mean New York City, JFK. (under his breath but still audible) I should drink less.
–JFK Tarmac
Overheard by: seat 32B
Manhattan girl: Ugh. Things are so slow in Brooklyn!
Manhattan boy: The bank is faster in Manhattan, stores are faster, everything is so much faster.
Manhattan girl: Right, they couldn't afford to be this slow.
Manhattan boy: Well, it's cuz the population here is less educated.
–Walgreens, Williamsburg
Overheard by: Matthew K. Johnson
Dude: I don’t want coffee, I want Starbucks!
–Bleecker & Thompson
Overheard by: office peon
Headline by: desire
Runners-Up:
· “And For The Last Time, I’m Not From The Bronx; I’m From Riverdale!” – Gutterlush
· “Howard Shultz: Don’t Call It a Comeback, It That Easy, G!” – Drewp
· “I Can’t Decipher That Small, Medium, Large Jargon They Use Everywhere Else.” – Jessie Birks
· “Overheard in Seattle: Shit, They Know” – digital hash
· “The Top Conerns Of the Nation: War, Peace, and Finding a Starbucks” – abbitt the rabbitt
· “Yeah, Well I Really Don’t Think We Have Time For a Handjob, Joe.” – Idiocracy
Teen boy: I like touching fat people.
–69th St & 5th Ave, Bay Ridge
Overheard by: Jon A.
Guy to friends: So I was on the subway the other day and I was counting some guys’ chins and I realized, I’m just not a nice person.
–Columbia University
Overheard by: CUMT
Large black woman on cell: Of course I’m loud, I’m fat!
–25th & 8th
Overheard by: Beckerman
Chick to guy: I’m thinking of keeping it, as an excuse to get fat.
–Times Square
Overheard by: Ladle
30-something with heavy NYC accent: Ya know, if I had to do high school all over again, I woulda fucked a fat chick. I wouldna cared so much.
–34th & 5th
Man yelling on cell: I would be so much better at Jeopardy then her! Her fat Indian hands can’t hit the button as fast as I can!
–35rd St & 5th Ave
Female house manager: He comes over and he’s like: "What are you doing?" and I said: "My job." and he goes: "You’re fat."
–Theater, St Mark’s Place
Overheard by: Mariah
