Dating

Wednesday One-Liners Wish They Could DVR Their Lives, Instead

Young woman on elevator to friend: I have a date this Thursday with a guy I met on match.com, and I was so excited, but then I remembered Thursday is Grey's Anatomy! I mean, I'm DVRing it, but that's so not the same.

–Wall St.

Overheard by: krazyhippie

Large 40-something woman: But I'm not gonna be on Maury sayin', "I'm 100% sure!" Because I'm not!

–10th St & FDR

20-something woman on cell: It's white, sleeveless…well, you don't watch Gossip Girl but it's totally Blair-worthy.

–W 19th & 5th Ave

Appalled girl to friend: So, I guess he just couldn't hold it in and needed to share with everyone around him, so he just shouted out "Fuck! I miss Gossip Girl!"

–Mercer & W 3rd

Saucy Latina: Telemundo makes BET look like The History Channel.

–171st St & Broadway

Overheard by: The Low Hat

Guy to friend: My girlfriend is cool if you and your boys are…she loves the BBC when she's high.

–PATH Station

Overheard by: smjcnj

30-something woman on cell: Remember season one of The Hills? What a simpler time.

–Columbia University

Overheard by: The Evil Triangle

I Also Have Too Many Inches for the Ladies

Girl #1: Was he a virgin?
Girl #2: Yeah, I think so.
Girl #1: I bet. He totally needed a new haircut.

–Uptown Lounge, 3rd Avenue

Dear Dan Savage…

Teen #1: That's nasty, dude, she had strep throat last week. If you made out with her, you're totally gonna get strep throat.
Teen #2: Oh, fuck…can somebody get strep dick?

–N Train

Overheard by: -bill

It’s Her Ex

Anorexic JAP on cell: …No money, so I stopped dating him.
Hobo: Whore.
Anorexic JAP, to hobo: Excuse me?
Hobo: Nice thighs — have another doughnut.

–East Village

Especially When It Predicts a Black Hole at the Big Bang

Good looking brunette: Yeah, then we talked about physics.
Intrigued girl pal: Oh, really? Why?
Good looking brunette: Not sure, but I remember it turned me on.
Intrigued girl pal: Oh…
(awkward silence)
Hot guy pal: (nods head)
Good looking brunette: What? I really like physics! Its the math… I really like math.

–Park Ave

Overheard by: angela

Especially When You’re Pulling a Baby Human Through It

Guy: He paid for all that and you didn’t even fuck him at the end of the night?
Girl: Nada.
Guy: It must be fantastic having a vagina.
Girl: Sometimes it really is.

–Central Park

Overheard by: Mark Blaise Fallon

If Not Dick, Then Dictionaries

Woman: If I don’t find a guy I want to date within the next year, then I’m going back to school.

–B3 Restaurant, Avenue B

Overheard by: Laura Walker

Then Have an Ugly Spud Shaved and Brought to My Tent

Straight girl #1: Go find me a cute boy!
Straight girl #2: Ok! I will… But he’s not going to be into you.

–Pride parade route

Paris Hilton: “That's Wednesday One-Liner.”

Hipster waitress to another: Camel toe is like, really hot, but also really uncomfortable.

–Williamsburg

College guy to friend: Dude, I'd definitely date a dude who looked like a hot chick… It's not gay.

–Hunter College

Overheard by: Stephen

Professor: Welcome to CUNY, it's like menopause. It's either too hot or too cold.

–City University of New York

Latino girl on cell: Bitch, please. I'm gonna look mad hot tonight. I'ma comb my hair!

–American Apparel

Male professor: I don't care how hot Brad Pitt is… If he sits on my lap, nothing's going to happen!

–New York Institute of Technology

Overheard by: Not Brad Pitt

It’s Hard to Make Love When You’re Simply an A-hole

Guy #1: Yeah, but you have a girlfriend.
Guy #2: Yeah, but she needs to lose weight.
Guy #1: Hmm, well how much weight do you think she needs to lose?
Guy #2: About 40 pounds. She says to me, “Why don’t we make love anymore?” and I’m like, “Why the hell do you think?”.

–2 train

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