For Bonus Points, Answer the Question with Two Dicks in Your Mouth

Female lawyer: Did you see that video where that girl from South Carolina was asked why Americans can't read maps?
Male lawyer: Yeah, she was a teenage beauty contestant. I tell you, I've heard drunk girls with two dicks in their mouth make more sense than that bitch.
Female lawyer: Don't call her a bitch. She was probably just nervous.
Male lawyer: Excuse me, she's a beauty contestant. The only difference between a beauty contestant and an inflatable doll is where you blow into them.
Female lawyer: Excuse me, but I was in a few beauty contests when I was a teenager.
Male lawyer: Really? So tell me, why can't Americans read maps?

–Supreme Court, Jamaica

Overheard by: Big Larry

Posted on September 9, 2008
Compare/Contrast, Default, Education, Global Geography, Government, Insults, Lawyers, Men, Queens, Questions, Stupidity, Women

New Yorkers Love a Game of “So You Think You Have Problems?”

Screaming child: Mommy, I want to go home!
Disgruntled employee: You think you have problems?! Try graduating from art college in the middle of a recession! Then you can cry!

–H&M Store

Posted on September 1, 2008
9 to 5-ers, Compare/Contrast, Crying, Default, Education, Kids, Questions, Store, Weirdness, Wishes & desires

Must Be One of Those Internet Colleges

Girl #1: Look at that old bitch in a schoolgirl outfit.
Girl #2: Shhhiiitt, what!? She think she going to school?!
Girl #1: Yah! Slut school!

–L Train Platform

Overheard by: Maria

Posted on September 1, 2008
Clothing, Default, Education, Girls, Insults, Subway stations, platforms, etc.

We'll Always Have Paris

Teen girl #1: So yeah, like…Paris Hilton totally got kicked out of our school for doing coke too!
Teen girl #2: Paris Hilton went to our school?!
Teen girl #1: Bitch, this isn't about Paris… All I can say is: How cool is it that I got kicked out of the same school as Paris Hilton did, for the same reason?
Teen girl #2: Wait, you got kicked out?
Teen girl #1: Why the fuck do you think I'm not in class anymore?
Teen girl #2: Everyone thought you were pregnant again.

–Park Bench, 89 & CPW

Posted on August 30, 2008
About Celebrities, Cocaine Diet, Default, Education, Friends, Girls, Parks, Pregnancy & Birth Control, Questions, Stupidity, Teens, Upper West Side & Lincoln Center

I've Been Highlighting My Hair for Years in Preparation

Blond: She says UCLA Santa Cruz is, like, 7 hours from LA.
Brunette: Weird. Well, I want to apply to the UCLA that's in LA.
Blond: Oh my god, I've been telling my dad since I was like four that I wanted to go UCLA. You know, the one in LA.
Brunette: We should totally both go there together!

–Penn Station

Overheard by: really?

Posted on August 28, 2008
Default, Education, Friends, Girls, Penn Station, Stupidity, U.S. Geography, Wishes & desires

Let Me Guess– Home Ec. Major?

Roommate #1: Did you switch your language this semester?
Roommate #2: Yeah, to Arabic.
Roommate #3: Is that a country?

–Manhattan College

Overheard by: K-Money

Posted on August 26, 2008
College, Default, Education, Global Geography, Languages, Questions, Students, Stupidity, The Bronx

Even in Grade School, We Hear the Stories

Little boy looking out window: I want to take the NYU shuttle when I go to college!
Mother: You can, if you go to NYU.
Little boy: Ohh. Nevermind.

–M103 Downtown

Posted on August 24, 2008
Boys, Default, Education, Kids, Moms, On the Bus, Public Transportation, Wishes & desires

Seems to Be Coming Into Heat

Teen girl #1: My French teacher is Ms. Smith*. I was like, “Please no!” I hate her so much, and she really sucks at teaching.
Teen girl #2: Oh yeah, I know. Plus, she looks like a monkey's vagina.
Teen girl #1: Have you ever even seen a monkey's vagina?
Teen girl #2: Yeah… I've seen her face.

–Promenade, Brooklyn Heights

Posted on August 24, 2008
Animals & Nature, Body Parts, Brooklyn, Default, Education, Girls, Gripes, Physical appearance, Teens, Vagina

Yo Quiero Wednesday One-Liners

Woman to male teacher: I thought you were a middle aged Latino woman.

–Fordham University, Lincoln Center

Overheard by: Alex and Colin

Chubby Latino: I don't want to go there. It'll just be a bunch of angry Dominicans throwing tables.

–Cooper Park, Williamsburg

Overheard by: Confabulation Nation

Drunken lady, sitting uninvited at a Hispanic family table: Cinco cuatro cinco… en Chicago. I have a business at 545 Chicago. In Chicago. I am a successful woman. Stay in school, sweetie. Learn your math and arithmetic… Yes, your math, and your arithmetic. And be good to your mommy. You only have one mommy, so be good to her. Alright, ciao, guys. Adios, coco! What? A cab? No, no, I'm fine.

–Pio Pio Restaurant, 91st & 1st

Overheard by: HJWC

Hasidic Jew answering cell: Hola? Hola? Hola!

–30 Rock

Overheard by: Micky

Bespectacled man on cell, walking a dog: And I owe it all to the politically incorrect Frito Bandito.

–Bryant Park