Wednesday One-Liner Can Be Made Of Ivory, Glass, Rubber and Sometimes Wood

Loud girl to friend: How the hell do you lose your vibrator?

–4th St & 2nd Ave

Guy on cell: Yeah, I'm just waiting in line at Whole Foods. Still want me to bring the dildo over?

–Whole Foods

Gay man to boyfriend: I'm glad we could come here and show your coworkers that we really do buy lube for our sexual adventures.

–The Leather Man

Overheard by: i don't go to sex shops with my boyfriend

Creepy older man on phone: Someone should really dildo her.

–5th Ave & 58th St.

Overheard by: Courtney

Girl, loudly: Why didn't you tell me you bought lube?!

–Crowded NYU Elevator

Overheard by: S

Large woman to group of friends: And if someone asks a question, I just wave a dildo in front of their eyes!

–Brooklyn Museum

Overheard by: Liat

Posted on November 4, 2009
All Wednesday One-Liners, Boyfriends, Brooklyn, Creepsters, Dildos and Vibrators, Elevators, Fat People, Friends, Girls, Guys, Lube, Men, Midtown & Hell's Kitchen, More museums, NYU, Old People, On Cell, One-liners, Queer guys, Questions, Sex, Shopping, Store, Street, Union Square and East Village, Wednesday One-Liners, Weirdness, West Village, Whole Foods, Wishes & desires, Women

I Was Just Joking About It Having Been in a Mule's Ass.

Brunette girl: (enters elevator and stares angrily at Asian girl next to her, then leaves elevator)
Asian girl, to guy next to her: Oh my god!
Guy: What?
Asian girl: That was the same girl! I stuck a dildo in her mouth while we were all drunk last night.
Guy: Haha.
Asian girl: I don't know why she's mad at me. Like, what's the big deal, get over it.
Guy: Yeah, seriously.

–Chelsea

Posted on October 19, 2009
Anger Management, Asians, Body Parts, Chelsea & the Meatpacking District, Dildos and Vibrators, Drinking & Drunk People, Elevators, Girls, Guys

That's Not What Mr. Wonka Told Me

Man to woman pushing button for lower floor: We're going up.
Woman: Oh my god! How do I get down?
Man: Well, the elevator comes back down once it gets up to the top, it doesn't just circle.

–Elevator, 1 Battery Park Plaza

Overheard by: shmarls

Posted on September 18, 2009
Battery Park, Elevators, Men, Public Transportation, Questions, Stupidity, Women

Must…Resist…”Bitch”…Headline…

Drunk girl: (hiccuping)
Friendly gay guy: Oh, are you growing?
Drunk girl: (stares at him blankly)
Friendly gay guy: Oh, my puppy is growing, and whenever she is growing she gets the hiccups.
Drunk girl: I'm not your fucking dog!

–Elevator, Midtown Apartment Building

Overheard by: Meghan Monaco

Posted on August 17, 2009
Age/Aging, Drinking & Drunk People, Drunks, Elevators, Insults, Man's Best Friend, Midtown & Hell's Kitchen, Queer guys, Questions, Stupidity

Was That Before or After the Ghostbusters Took Over the Statue Of Liberty?

Girl: Ohhhh, this is the building that King Kong climbed up, right?
Guy: Yeah.
Girl: Wow. That would have been so scary to live here when that happened!

–In Line for Elevator at Empire State Building

Overheard by: Bella

Posted on June 26, 2009
Elevators, Empire State Building, Fears, Girls, Guys, Movies, Questions, Stupidity

Wednesday One-Liners Go Both Ways

Girl, to herself: What if my water breaks in an elevator? (laughs) Akwaaaaard!

–High School

Conductor, after announcement tone: By the way, this is not an elevator. Waving your bag in the door does absolutely nothing.

–6 Train

Overheard by: you tell 'em

Middle-aged woman, pushing "up" elevator button to another pushing "down" button: You know, I could never figure it out with elevators, do you press the button to tell the elevator to come to you, or do you press it to tell it where you want to go?

–Building, Midtown

Overheard by: Delish

Older usher at Empire State Building: Please step out of the elevator. And as Beyonce says, to the left. To the left!

–Empire State Building

Lady on cell, waiting in line: Oh really? Well, I had heard someone took a crap in a Manhattan elevator!

–Supermarket, The Bronx

Posted on June 24, 2009
All Wednesday One-Liners, Clerks, Compare/Contrast, Conductors, Elevators, Empire State Building, Fast Times at New York High, Girls, Grocery Stores, Laughter, Midtown & Hell's Kitchen, Music, Old People, On Cell, On the Subway, One-liners, Poop, Pregnancy & Birth Control, Public Transportation, Questions, The Bronx, Wednesday One-Liners, Weirdness, Wishes & desires, Women

Do Wednesday One-Liners Get Published on Saturdays?

Boss: Wait, can I ask a city girl question? Do butterflies come from caterpillars??

–Office, 8th Ave

Overheard by: kpan

Tall blond tourist looking at Egyptian artifacts: So, are these, like, all real artifacts, or like, what? Know what I mean?

–The Metropolitan Museum

Girl to station agent: Can I go the other direction from here?

–W 103rd St

Overheard by: Emily B.

Blonde bimbo: Skydiving…is that the one done on water?

–Jerome Avenue Line

Woman, looking around crowded waiting area: I wonder how many people here are waiting for a train?

–Waiting Area, Penn Station

Overheard by: Not from New Jersey

Woman in elevator, after bumping into Al Roker: Wasn't that Tom Brokaw?

–Fisk Building

Posted on June 17, 2009
About Celebrities, All Wednesday One-Liners, Bimbettes, Bosses, Clerks, Directions, Elevators, Girls, Harlem & Morningside Heights, Insects, Midtown & Hell's Kitchen, Office, On the Subway, One-liners, Penn Station, Public Transportation, Questions, Sports, Street, Stupidity, The Met, Tourists, Wednesday One-Liners, Weirdness, Women, Words

The Gerbil Was Loving It, Though.

Blond girl in elevator #1: You know, you really shouldn't do that to your body there.
Blond girl in elevator #2: I know, I know–I guess it's not exactly an orifice…

–Building, E 12th St

Overheard by: Strickles

Posted on June 6, 2009
Advice, Biotechs, Body Parts, Elevators, Union Square and East Village, Weirdness

Wednesday One-Liners Are Kinda Fruity

Suit: If Mark didn't fall asleep and get his photo taken with lemons on his head, he might still be here.

–Elevator, Midtown

Overheard by: It got even better when they elaborated

Sweater-clad hipster guy: I probably spend more per year on strawberries and cream than on my education. It's worth it, though. I value them more than my education.

–Starbucks, Brooklyn

Teenage girl: I don't want you to tell me there's a banana somewhere in there, I want to see the banana go in there!

–Church Ave, Brooklyn

Overheard by: Sonny

Girl to guy drinking juice: Eating mangoes makes vaginas taste better.

–Broadway & 9th St

Overheard by: Jessica

Irritated voice in choir loft, in the dark, at the end of Good Friday service: In all the excitement, I seem to have sat on my banana.

–60th St & Park Ave

Overheard by: haysoos

Man on cell: Did anybody give grandma her mango? You know that bitch flips shit if she don't get her mango!

–Central Park