Small boy to grandfather schlepping packages: That's not the problem…you are!
Grandfather: I'm the problem?
Small boy, wailing: Yes!
–W 66th St
Overheard by: Suze V
Small boy to grandfather schlepping packages: That's not the problem…you are!
Grandfather: I'm the problem?
Small boy, wailing: Yes!
–W 66th St
Overheard by: Suze V
Girl to friend: You have to stop setting your brother on fire.
–Broadway
Overheard by: sandm
Student to professor: Urinating on fire? What the hell, Freud?
–Wagner College, Staten Island
Tool on cell: If burning leaves in the schoolyard is wrong, I don’t wanna be right!
–E 44th St & 2nd Ave
Blond woman: And that was the night I burned my eyebrows off!
–Union Square
Some guy: I spent all of last night searching my body for it, but I promise you if I find it, I’ll burn it.
–The Village
Older woman at art gallery, looking at the price list: That burns my ass. Sorry, but that burns my ass.
–57th St
Guy: I believe in telepathy. I know everything about psychology.
Girl: Telepathy is not an accepted kind of psychology. My dad’s a prominent psychologist.
Guy: Psychologists are torn on telepathy. Take my word as truth…it’s real!
–79th & Lexington
Overheard by: Dave
Mom to son exiting criminal court: So, what did they say ’bout all them drugs you do?
Young son: Nothin’! They didn’t even ask, so I didn’t say anything.
Mom: Wow! I am so proud of you.
–161st, Bronx
Big black dude #1: You want to leave all the white women to me? That’s fine.
Big black dude #2: Oh, [laughs], I don’t have a problem getting white women. I’m half Indian and half Puerto Rican. I got that Boricua thing going.
Big black dude #1: Oh, shit. Well, I got Mexican in my family…
Smaller black dude: You part Mexican? Where were you born?
Big black dude #1: Well, I was born in Haiti, but I grew up in the Bronx, and my uncle recently married a Mexican.
–Changing room, Church St Boxing gym, Church & Park
20-something girl: I asked my mom if she’d ever had butt sex before, and, like — whoa — bad idea.
Friend: Yeah, I probably could’ve told you that.
20-something girl: But, I mean, we have a really open family.
–6 train
Daughter: You’re always humming that McDonalds song.
Mother: Huh?
Daughter: You know…”da da da da da I’m loooovin’ it.”
Mother: No, honey. Goldfinger. *Ba ra ba rum*
Daughter: Oh.
–Central Park
His Baby’s Momma: He don’t pay child support. He don’t ever see her. That’s it! I’m calling his fucking parole officer!
–West Village
Waitress: Is this your granddaughter?
Grandma: Yes.
Waitress: She looks just like you.
Grandma: No, she looks like my son’s mother-in-law.
Waitress: Mother-in-law?
Grandma: She’s a big woman.
–Chinese Restaurant, UWS
Drunk Claire: Steph, we’ve been best friends for, like, 15 years now. You are like, totally my very best friend, but I wish you could, like, make more time for me, you know? Like, I know you have your grandmother’s party coming up and all–
Drunk Steph: Claire, my grandmother died 4 years ago.
–West Village
