Chick: I wish my mother was fucking dead! I wish my mother was fucking dead! I’m going to kill that bitch! I wish she would die like the whore that she is!
Smiling suit: G’mornin’!
–PATH train
Overheard by: Rick Y.
Chick: I wish my mother was fucking dead! I wish my mother was fucking dead! I’m going to kill that bitch! I wish she would die like the whore that she is!
Smiling suit: G’mornin’!
–PATH train
Overheard by: Rick Y.
Tall girl: My little sister started stinkin' already, an' she only in third grade. I ain't start stinkin' till the fifth grade. When you start stinkin'?
Short girl: I ain't never stink.
Tall girl, snorting: Sure. (pauses and thinks) Why does everyone say girls stink between our legs? I know I don'. I'm fresh.
Short girl: You know that girl, she opens up her legs in class and you can smell at that shit.
Tall girl, shrugging: I don't go around sniffin pussy.
–Q43 Bus
Overheard by: beeniebooger
Modern orthodox girl: … And I was like, ‘Why should I be considerate? He doesn’t even keep kosher!’
–Barnard College
Overheard by: Considerate of non-shellfish eaters and shellfish eaters alike
Guy on cell: Well, I’m only Jewish by injection…
–82nd & Madison
Overheard by: I’m only Catholic because I took a pill…
Woman: I think I’m just too Jewish for yoga.
–Park Slope
20-ish girl on cell: I mean, Jesus Christ! The Jews in the RV just won’t leave me alone!
–St. Mark’s & Ave B
Overheard by: Also accosted by the mitzvah tank
Man on cell: How did I pull off that deal? I’m a Jew, and that means I have powers over money that a dumb goyim like you can only dream of. It’s like Jewish superhero powers. Just call me ‘Super Jew.’
–Near Madison Square Garden
Overheard by: Lesbian Whisperer
Little boy: Uhhh, half New Yorkish and, uhhh, half Jewish — is that what I am, Mom? Half New Yorkish and half Jewish?
–Rockefeller Center
Overheard by: Rosie
Little girl: Mommy, mommy, look, that doggie is pee-peeing on the sidewalk!
Mom: Yeah, just like daddy last night.
–St. Mark's Place
Overheard by: suzz
Mother to friend: If our kids would just smoke weed they'd be fine.
–Borough Hall, Brooklyn
Five-year-old child, walking past table of glass bongs and pipes: Daddy, I want one!
–Astor Place
Promoter for comedy club: Free bag of weed if you come to the 9:30 show!
–Times Square
Enthusiastic, loud girl on cell: Smoking pot? So you were smoking…you don't have to be so worried about people hearing what you're saying, nobody's even listening…seriously.
–27th & 7th
Overheard by: And she had to end up being in my class..
30-something lady: When she was just selling pot to Kevin Nealon, I think that was better.
–Union Square
Overheard by: Brainy
Two male twins, dressed alike, in their 20s, address two female twins, dressed alike, in their 20s.
Male twins: Hey! Are you twins?! You twins?! That’s great! We’re twins too! Hey, we’re twins too!
Female twins: Mmmhmm.
Male twins: You ain’t twins! You lesbians! She look like she wanna get it on with you! You ain’t twins! Hey, I’m just tryin’ ‘a help ya out! You ain’t twins.
Female twins: [silence]
Male twins: I’m just tryin’ a help you out! I have your best interest in mind! You ain’t twins! Look! That one’s that one’s mother!
Female twins: We’re twins. We are the same age.
Male twins: Then how come that one so much older than the other? You ain’t twins! We twins! That’s why we so tall! We the twin towers!
Female twins flee train.
–F train
Teen girl: My dad told me that pee was nutritious.
Friend: Oh? Pee's only like 95% water and 5% waste. I don't think there's any nutrition in it.
Teen girl: Oh.
(a few minutes later)
Teen girl: Do you think pee would taste like sugar if all you ate were sugar and water?
Friend: Then wouldn't the pee be like 95% water and 5% sugar?
–6 Train
Girl toddler (pointing at shop window): Mommy! Mommy!
Nanny (looking at busty, naked, corset-clad mannequin in sex shop window): That’s not your mommy. But she wishes it were.
–Christopher Street, West Village
Teen girl: I asked George what his cousin looked like. He said, “He looks like me but with hazel eyes.” How the hell am I supposed to know what he looks like? I don’t know no one with hazel eyes.
–Lincoln Center
Girl: We just came here and talked about each other’s families. He has a brother with a gambling problem.
Guy: Alright! The good stuff!
Girl: Yeah, his brother used to be a trappist, but now he has a serious gambling problem.
–Madison Square Park
Overheard by: Kira
