Blond, after strenuous workout: God, I look like I just fucked the football team.
Blond friend: Guys like that look.

–Chelsea Piers

Overheard by: MtZ

Conductor: Hey, no crying on the train! No crying on the train!

–1 train

Man: I make people cry, and you tickle them.

–Wall St

Girl: You’re making me wanna shed mad tears!

–Lower East Side

Mom to young daughter: I think Daddy cries because he cares.


Drunk guy: Jim? Jim! I don’t think we can be friends anymore… I cried after the Super Bowl.

–Waverly & Broadway

Woman on cell: I call her at work sometimes, and I’m like ‘Hi, Beth,’ but I can’t hear her because she’s sobbing.

–22nd & Park

Overheard by: Champ

Tween: I made a babysitter cry once. She was so immature.

–Brooklyn‐bound R train 

Man to woman: You wouldn’t procreate with Boomer Esiason, even though he’s the king of Cincinnati?

–Deli, Canal & Hudson

Overheard by: Uncle Bling

Man on cell: Elvis made ten million dollars last year and he’s dead. There’s no reason I can’t make a thousand.

–Park Slope

Hipster: I like Steve Buscemi a lot more than I like you.

–Life Cafe, Bushwick

Overheard by: D

Woman in Southern accent to man: Look, the McGraw‐Hill building. Tim McGraw and Faith Hill must own that building!

–W 49th St & 6th Ave

Overheard by: Michael

Middle aged white man to friend: I finally figured it out. “Mystikal” sounds like a constipated Samuel L. Jackson.


Guy #1, discussing Plaxico Burress: Who the hell would name their kid “Plaxico”? Sounds like the name of an equine.
Guy #2: A what?
Guy #1: A horse, nigga.
Guy #2: Sheeeit!

–Whitehall & Water

Overheard by: PJ P.

Middle‐aged guy: So yeah, after I broke my ankle playing racquetball, I can’t really play basketball anymore.
Old guy: Well, can you still go hiking?
Middle‐aged guy: Yeah, I guess so, since it’s not like, high impact.
Old guy: …What about trampolines?
Middle‐aged guy: Naw, man. Those days are over. 

–A train

Overheard by: Aryn M

Queer: Do you know who’s playing in the Super Bowl?
Fag hag: Beyoncé, Prince… And someone else I don’t remember…

–The Loews, Lincoln Square

Guido #1: Yo, your team hasn’t won a playoff in ten years. Maybe not this year, but the Jets are going all the way to the Super Bowl.
Guido #2: Yeah, and if my aunt had balls she’d be my uncle. (pause) If my aunt had balls, she’d be my uncle.

–1 Train

Overheard by: DZB

Teen girl to guy friend: What’s your favorite football team?
Teen guy: Chiefs.
Teen girl: What state is that?
Teen guy: Red and yellow. Kansas City.
Teen girl: I don’t know who that is.

–Q54 Bus

Boy #1: Do you like the Chargers?
Boy #2: Yeah.
Boy #1: Do you like the Redskins?
Boy #2: Yeah.
Boy #1: Do you like my bum?

–Central Park

Frat guy: Do you guys rent out this place on Monday nights? Me and my buddies want to come back here.
Chinese woman behind bar: Yes. You want to watch football?
Frat guy: No! Gossip Girl!

–Karaoke Bar, Chinatown

Headline by: JakeP.

· “And Then We Will Paint Our Nails and Determine Who’s a Blaire and Who’s a Sabrina!” — Doesn’t watch Gossip Girl!
· “BTW, Do You Know How to Make a Cosmo?” — mark
· “Make the Reservation Under Kappa Feather Boa” — PeterG
· “She No Work on Mondays, but Little Lotus Come, You Like?” — Sim Etrias
· “Then It’s Off to Get Our Eyebrows Waxed!” — Sandy Paws
· “We Can’t Masturbate to Football Now That John Madden Retired” — Captain Sensible
· “You Can’t Watch Football on Mani/Pedi Night!” — tatts

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