Wednesday One-Liners Have the Reich Stuff

Fat guy in telephone booth: Yeah, well, Hitler invented the Volkswagen bus.

–7th Ave & Waverly

Overheard by: Mark Martin

Woman in alpine hat to another: I was not about to drag your half-conscious ass around a concentration camp!

–Zum Schneider German Restaurant/Bar

Overheard by: Nella

Guy: Jury duty is like the Holocaust. They put you in line and march you into a strange room.

–Off The Wagon Restaurant

Overheard by: thankfully not jewish

Teen boy: Yeah, after I watched that movie I couldn't talk to German people at all. For like a month afterwards, every time I saw a person who looked German I was like, "you evil, evil Nazi!"

–Bull Statue, Bowling Green

Little boy to friends: And next year, we're going to assassinate Hitler!

–66th St & 2nd Ave

Overheard by: Liz

Posted on June 24, 2009
All Wednesday One-Liners, Cars and Driving, Compare/Contrast, Crime and Punishment, Fat People, Foreigners, Friends, Glad the Condom Broke, Guys, Hitler/Nazis, Kids, Movies, Murder, One-liners, Parks, Physical appearance, Restaurants & Cafes, Street, Stupidity, Teens, The Village, Time, Upper East Side, Wall Street, TriBeCa, South Street Seaport, Wednesday One-Liners, Weirdness

Now Carmen Sandiego, Maybe I Could Help You With.

Very confused foreign man: Excuse me, excuse me, I have to find Duane Read.
Port Authority cop: (silence)
Very confused foreign man: Sir! I have to find Duane Read!
Port Authority cop: Who!?
Very confused foreign man: Duane Read!
Port Authority cop: Neva heard of 'im.

–Port Authority Bus Terminal

Overheard by: Hans in Brooklyn

Posted on June 22, 2009
Ahhh! Real New Yorkers, Cops, Foreigners, Names, Offers and requests, Only in New York, Port Authority

People Who Live in Glass Houses Shouldn't Throw Wednesday One-Liners

Lady shouting into cell: Stop screaming in my ear! Stop screaming in my ear! Stop screaming in my ear!

–Flatbush Ave, Prospect Heights

Overheard by: Ja9

Deli cashier with heavy accent to West Indian man with heavy accent: I don't speak Jamaican! I speak English!

–Crown Heights

Overheard by: Holly

Man on crowd: Stop shoving! There are fucking kids here, watch out, asshole!

–Rockefeller Center

Overheard by: Alexis

Man walking with small kid on cell: Ain't no one cursing at yo! Fuck, why you got to be like that?

–Union Square

Overheard by: Heather

Woman on cell: I just hate for people to hear my conversations in public.

–Duane Reade, 34th & 8th

Overheard by: Nicole

Posted on June 17, 2009
All Wednesday One-Liners, Brooklyn, Cashiers, Chelsea & the Meatpacking District, Duane Reade, Foreigners, Gripes, Insults, Kids, Language Barrier, Languages, Men, On Cell, One-liners, Questions, Rockefeller Center, Street, Stupidity, Union Square and East Village, Wednesday One-Liners, Women

You Can't Walk Like an Egyptian Without Lots Of Lubrication

Woman to man: He's got this charm about him–he's slimy, like he's Egyptian or something.
(man, uneasy, looks around to check there are no Egyptians in there)
Woman, quickly: I don't mean “slimy” in a bad way.
Man: Sure.

–A Train

Posted on June 16, 2009
Beauty, Foreigners, Men, On the Subway, Physical appearance, Weirdness, Women

Oddly Enough, It Was an Obama Hat.

German lady, to no one in particular: You know, I vunder. I tink dat de only persons in USA who vatch Two and One-Half Men are from, like, Alabama. Or Nebraska. Someplace not in a city.
Student-type guy: Oh yeah?
German lady: Oh yes, for sure. I vould be shocked if anyvone on this train watches that show. Charlie Sheen is shit.
Student-type guy: Whatever. Just don't watch it.
German lady: No, I do not vatch this. I don't have cable. I hate Charlie Sheen.
Student-type guy: No cable? How do you know anything about the show then? How do you know anything about anything?
German lady: Oh, I know lots of things.
Student-type guy: Who is the President of the United States?
German lady: (silent)
Student-type guy: Are you fucking kidding me? You don't know who the President of the United States is and you're talking about fucking Charlie Sheen? Get the fuck off this train! …and your hat is stupid!

–Uptown 1 Train

Overheard by: Dice To That

Posted on June 15, 2009
Clothing, Foreigners, Gripes, Guys, Insults, On the Subway, President, Questions, Stupidity, TV

Or Your Racist Riddles, Doreen

Girl: Do you think Africans take antidepressants?
Guy: I really don't like you.

–L Train

Posted on June 5, 2009
Foreigners, Girls, Guys, KKK, On the Subway, Psychology, Questions

Tonight's Movie: Planet Of the Nguyễns

Teen girl #1: It's really hard to understand my biology teacher because he's from Vietnam.
Teen girl #2: What?
Teen girl #1: My biology teacher is Vietnamese.
Teen girl #2: Oh, I thought you said he was from Vietnam!
Teen girl #1: Yeah, he is.
Teen girl #2: The planet?

–LaGuardia Airport

Posted on June 5, 2009
Airports, Foreigners, Global Geography, LaGuardia Airport, Language Barrier, School and studying, Stupidity, Teens

So I Assume We're Grading on a Curve

Girl: Where they weird?
Guy: I don't know. They were Australian.

–M14D Bus

Posted on June 2, 2009
Bus, Foreigners, Girls, Guys, On the Bus, Questions, Weirdness

Only Wednesday One-Liners Bother to Look Up

British tourist, passing by The Pink Tea Cup Southern restaurant: Oh, look–an urban menu!

–Bleecker & Grove

Young Asian tourist girl: You mean, there's not actually any fields?

–Strawberry Fields

Overheard by: Jason K.

Tourist, in thick Southern accent: I just don't understand how they turn the trains around so fast, and we don't see them do it!

–Grand Central Station, Shuttle Train

Overheard by: Sara

Tourist hick teen to others: Everybody's wearin' shoes!

–33rd St & 6th Ave

Elderly tourist being escorted to her seat: Oh! I hope we get a booth!

–Olive Garden

Overheard by: EthanK

Tourist to friend: No, we cannot go into a store. I cannot leave Broadway. How else would you expect me to get discovered?

–Time Square

Posted on May 27, 2009
All Wednesday One-Liners, Asians, Brits, Central Park, Chelsea & the Meatpacking District, Food, Foreigners, Friends, Grand Central, Jobs & Careers, Old People, One-liners, Parks, Public Transportation, Questions, Restaurants & Cafes, Shoes, Southerners, Stupidity, Teens, The Village, Times Square, Tourism, Tourists, Trains Not Subway, Wednesday One-Liners, Weirdness, Wishes & desires

…Just Like Guitar Hero.

Guy #1: Mario and Luigi are so Mexican.
Guy #2: What?! Are you crazy? They're Italian, duh!
Guy #1: No, but they've got the mustache, you know? That's so Mexican!
Guy #2: No, they have Italian mustaches!
Guy #1: Psst, you do know what the whole point of the game is, right?
Guy #2: Yeah, these two Italian guys go and save some kidnapped princess.
Guy #1: Really? I thought it was about two Mexicans trying to hop the border.

–Chambers & Greenwich

Overheard by: Milo

Posted on May 23, 2009
Compare/Contrast, Foreigners, Guys, Physical appearance, Stupidity, The Village, Video Games

Foreigners