Gay Man’s Best Friend

Every One-Liner Has Its Wednesday

Well-dressed black girl to well-groomed black standard poodle with owner: Oh, look at your nice hair! You work it girl!

–22nd St & 6th Ave

Overheard by: Tigertail

Middle-age woman to overgroomed poodle, as it takes a dump in the middle of the sidewalk: Ohhhhh! Charlie, that's looking a bit creamy! Yum, yum! (pause as the dog sniffs his mess) No, don't eat it!

–14th St & University Place

Overheard by: Bee

Crazy hobo in wheelchair, to small dog on leash passing by: Meow. Meow! Meow!

–Union Square

Large black man to his shaggy dog: Just because it's there doesn't mean you can pee on it. That's a nice bike!

–9th St & 50th St

Overheard by: EmGusk

Man trying to control his barking dog: No! No anxiety! Bad dog! No anxiety!

–St. Mark's & Ave A

Overheard by: french bulldog with narcissism

NewsFlash: Catty Actor Shortage! NASDAQ Tumbles!

Male actor: They didn't hire him for his voice. They hired him to do the part was because he was the last actor in New York City who was willing to put on a cat costume and tour the country for two years.
Female actor: Uh-huh.

–Le Petite Un Deux Trois Restaurant

Overheard by: Truetuft

From The Princess and the Porcupine: a West Villlage Fairy Tale

Girl with crazy hair: It would be freaking magnificent if your cats stopped chowing down my precious toilet paper every morning.
Huge bald man: What are you, drunk? I paid for it.
Girl with crazy hair: Not important. Had to use the emergency roll and it was like rubbing porcupines on my twat.
Huge bald man: Sandpaper, maybe. Porcupines, not so much.

–Washington St & Charles St

Wednesday One-Liners Lose Their Mittens

Large man on payphone: I'm gonna kill her, man! I'm gonna fuckin' kill her! Then I'm gonna kill my cousin! I'm gonna go back to my house, kill that bitch, get my fuckin kittens, and kill my cousin! I want my kittens, man!

–SoHo

Overheard by: trying not to laugh

Father to kids: Which would you prefer, kitty casserole or puppy stew?

–72nd & Broadway

Suit: So one time I went into the bathroom and the cat was just like sitting on the toilet so I just unloaded on it. I told my roommate, like, "don't touch the cat" and then later I saw his girlfriend playing with it and hugging and kissing it. It was very funny.

–Downtown 6 Train

Upset-looking college student on cell: Ugh! My cat almost just died…and you're making this about your feelings?!

–Columbia Quad

Student: That's okay, I'll just eat my mom and fuck my cat.

–Pratt Institute

Overheard by: Toddlington

Student: Well, the situation in the essay is hopeless, you know? It's like finding a kitten in the subway and you want to take it with you because kittens just don't belong in the subway. But then you remember that you live in a building that doesn't allow pets and your roommate is allergic. So, your roommate is going to hate you and your landlord is going to evict you. I realize this is a bad example. I just really want a kitten.

–Eugene Lang College

Overheard by: Colleen

Wednesday Feliners

Frat boy: This time the cat wasn’t bigger than my cock at all!

–Union Square

Overheard by: Last time it was, though.

Crazy dude: Cats tryin’ to eat me out here… If you eat me, I’ma eat you, too! I ain’t no snack!

–A train

Overheard by: Marlena Mc

20-ish suit: … Found out my dad murdered my cat when I was kid… He told me it ran away, then he confessed last night at the party. What an asshole! But he got me a dog right after he killed the cat, so it didn’t bother me so much.

–7th St

Chick: We threw my friend a wedding shower that was a luau. It was great — grass skirts, the whole bit. Only 20 bucks a person — really reasonable. We even got these sand terrarium things, which was awesome until my cat decided it would be a great place to drop a load.

–Hill Country BBQ, W 26th St

Overheard by: Rose Fox

Suit on cell: There’s more than one way to peel a cat.

–51st & Broadway

Wednesday One-Liners Love Pussy

Well-dressed lady to homely man: No, I have to go. I’m herding cats here.

–Prince & Broadway

Girl on first date: Yeah, and so sometimes I let my cat lick my nipples…

–Outside Pratt Institute

Black teen to her gaggle of pals: She has fuckin’ lupus, and her pussy smells like cat!

–69th & 1st

Overheard by: Erica

Pretty girl: All the boys in New York have a broken heart… And a cat.

–Court St, Carroll Gardens

Overheard by: Ethan

Man eating sandwich: This meat tastes like cat balls. This ain’t meatballs, it’s cat balls! It tastes like cat!

–Subway restaurant, 23rd & Madison

Overheard by: quickly losing my appetite

Frat guy on cell: You’ll never guess what happened! Smoky came back! … Yeah, it’s good. He’s all like, ‘Meow, meow,’ and I’m all like, ‘Shut up!’

–Union Square

Overheard by: Jess

No Worries — Granny’s a Professional

Girl #1: My grandma is coming into the city Saturday to bleach my cat.
Girl #2: Bleach your cat?
Girl #1: Yeah, he got into the flowers and the pollen turned him canary yellow.
Girl #2: Bleach your cat?
Girl #1: Well, it didn’t come off in the bath…

–82nd & Madison

Can I Have a Little Childhood, Here?

A stray kitten wanders up to a little girl who bends down to pet it.

Mom: Come on, sweetie, it’s time to cross the street.
Little girl, dismayed: But I’m petting the kitty.
Mom: Honey, we need to go. Say bye-bye, now.
Little girl: Goddammit, mommy, I’m petting the kitty!

–17th & 6th

Wednesday One-Liners Used to Go to Meow Mix

Girl: This friend of mine, her cat killed an endangered bird… in Germany. They had to bury it, like, three feet underground.

–Queens-bound E train

Overheard by: Collegiate Cutie

Dude on cell: I saw Tim Burton on an interview the other day, and I said to my cat, ‘Snicket, behold a man who has never yet combed his hair!’

–AMDA entrance

Overheard by: McKinley’s Friend

Girl: And her cat and my cat are, like, really close…

–BX26 bus

Guy: I mean, I don’t even eat cat…

–14th St & 5th Ave

Guy to friend: No, cocaine. Cats really like cocaine!

–Whole Foods, Union Square

Overheard by: Kerri

No, Ask for More! It’s Free Range!

Enormous black woman clutching frantic feral cat: Who’ll gimme a dollar fo’ this kitten? I know one of ya’lls got a dollar fo’ this kitten. You?! You?!
Confused passerby: Didn’t you get that from the vacant lot behind you?
Enormous black woman clutching frantic feral cat: Shut up, fool! Okay… Fitty cent, then!

–West 153rd St

Overheard by: goofopet

© 2026 OverheardinNewYork.com
Hat Tip 🎩 to The Marketing Scientist