Who Let the Wednesday One‐Liners Out?

Queer, to his German Shepherd: Steven, don’t play these mind games with me!

–23^rd & 8^th

Man, restraining his dog from following another dog across the street: C’mon, buddy. It wasn’t meant to be.

–6^th St & 7^th Ave, Park Slope

Woman dragging her dog away from another dog who is barking frantically: You know what? You’re just cuter than her. That’s why she’s so upset.

–Ditmars Blvd, Astoria

Overheard by: sara n.

Cop to his whining German Shepherd: Awww, what’s wrong baby? Did you see an asshole?

–West 4^th Station

Posted on October 12, 2019
All Wednesday One-Liners, Astoria, Beauty, Compare/Contrast, Compliments, Cops, Gay Man's Best Friend, Insults, Man's Best Friend, Men, Murray Hill and Gramercy, Park Slope, Queer guys, Questions, The Village, Women, Words

The End Of Western Civilization: An OINY Short Story.

Lawyer #1: I saw this funny video on YouTube last night. I did a search for “retards” and there was this one called “retarded Britney Spears fan.” It was a retard singing one of her songs.
Lawyer #2: Have you seen 2 Girls 1 Cup?
Lawyer #1: I was able to watch about two seconds of it before I had to click it off.
Lawyer #2: Did you see the one called “extreme pain”? I could only watch about five seconds of it. A guy was cutting off his own dick.
Lawyer #1: That’s some sick shit. How’s your cat?
Lawyer #2: You should see her. She rolls over on her back and my dog licks her between the legs for a long time, then smacks his lips.
Lawyer #1: You should video that and put it on YouTube. Call it “eating pussy.” You’ll get a million hits!

–Civil Court, 141 Livingston St., Brooklyn

Overheard by: Big Larry

Posted on October 8, 2019
Brooklyn, Gay Man's Best Friend, Internet, Lawyers, Licking, Man's Best Friend, Music, Penis, Poop, Questions, Retardation, Singing, Time, Vagina, Words

Wednesday One‐Litters

Little girl to mother: I don’t wanna be a lawyer anymore, when I grow up I wanna be a cat!

–Chelsea

Woman to friend: I mean, he’s just so anti‐social! He has like 19 cats!

–Lafayette & Prince

Girl to friend: My cat is a flaming homosexual.

–34^th & 5^th

Girl: And so she says, “let’s follow the cat!” So we do, and the cat leads us to a pile of heroin!

–Cafeteria, Barnard College

Posted on October 5, 2019
All Wednesday One-Liners, Chelsea & the Meatpacking District, Columbia (& Barnard), Friends, Gay Man's Best Friend, Gays and Lesbians, Girls, Heroin, Jobs & Careers, Kids, Moms, One-liners, Restaurants & Cafes, Sexuality, Soho, Wednesday One-Liners, Weirdness, Wishes & desires, Women

Wednesday’s Gonna Have a Little One‐Liner

Angry frat boy: Oh, so now I’m the bad guy? Let’s talk about you and your irrational pregnancy!

–Grand Central

Tween to friends: So, do you think I should get an abortion? I mean, I’m not even pregnant!

–TGI Fridays

Overheard by: Sara

Giggling chick: When you get pregnant, the only things that swell are your breasts!

–8^th & Broadway

Overheard by: Hannah

Female security guard to friend: I don’t think I’m pregnant. There’s no way I can be pregnant, because I was only having light sex.

–Duane Reade, 23^rd & 6^th

Overheard by: jmike

Happy lady on cell: Guess what?! I’m pregnant! Yes, with a baby this time!

–96^th St station

Overheard by: Kind of Confused

20‐something chick: If I get pregnant, I am so suing Fresh Direct.

–Columbia University

Overheard by: Wild Dog Boy

Posted on February 25, 2016
Abortion, All Wednesday One-Liners, Always Bringing it Back to You!, Columbia (& Barnard), Crime and Punishment, Duane Reade, Frat Boys, Gay Man's Best Friend, Girls, Grand Central, On Cell, Pregnancy & Birth Control, Rack, Restaurants & Cafes, Security Guards, Sex, Students, Subway stations, platforms, etc., The Village, Tweens, Weirdness, Women

Kitten: Does Anybody Care That I’m Part Siamese?

Small boy: Mom, I found a kitten!
Mother: Name him Cletus.
Small boy: Cletus, you my only nigga.

–Nokia Theatre

Posted on February 16, 2016
Gay Man's Best Friend, Kids, Moms, Names, Times Square

Watching Just Shoot Me Until You’re Sterile

Woman #1: He had to take his cat to the vet.
Woman #2: She has to get spaded?

–Office, W. 53^rd Street

Posted on February 8, 2016
Gay Man's Best Friend, Health and Hygiene, Intelligentsia, Midtown & Hell's Kitchen, Stupidity, Women

But They Have the Cutest Little Raspy Voices!

New girlfriend: My cat has asthma.
New boyfriend: Your cat has asthma?
New girlfriend: Yeah. That’s why I quit smoking.
New boyfriend: You really need to get rid of those fucking cats.

–Movie Theater Line

Overheard by: Cindee

Posted on January 8, 2016
Couples, Gay Man's Best Friend, Illness, Movie Theaters, Smoking

There Are No Small Wednesdays– Only Small One‐Liners.

Girl on cell, defiantly: Listen, I can keep my midget in your closet whenever I damn please!

–72^nd & Columbus

Man handing out cards to random passers‐by: They have midget strippers, buddy, and you can bring your guitar!

–42^nd & 7^th

Overheard by: Katy

Guy, to friend: You can’t call yourself a grown man if you sit down and your feet dangle off the chair.

–Victoria’s Secret

Overheard by: Emm

Black guy pushing cart: Man, I miss my two‐headed midget friend… He was my best man.

–Union Square

Woman on cell: Have I been an angry little munchkin?

–Whole Foods, Union Square

Overheard by: TheMac

Posted on August 12, 2015
Age/Aging, All Wednesday One-Liners, Anger Management, Black People, Compare/Contrast, Friends, Friendship, Gay Man's Best Friend, Girls, Guys, Handicaps, Instruments, Midtown & Hell's Kitchen, Movies, Offers and requests, On Cell, One-liners, Questions, Store, Strangers, Strippers, Union Square and East Village, Upper West Side & Lincoln Center, Vendors & Street Performers, Wednesday One-Liners, Weirdness, Whole Foods, Women

Cat: I’m on the Verge of Suicide

Hipster cashier: Yeah, and when I’m not working here, I just sit on MySpace and take pictures of my cat and shit.
Female customer: Sounds like the life…

–Whole Foods, Union Square

Overheard by: catherine

Posted on August 6, 2015
Cashiers, Gay Man's Best Friend, Hipsters, Union Square and East Village

Isn’t That a Cranium Category?

Guy #1: I mean, not all cats are creative. They can’t be. Who do you know who has a creative cat?
Guy #2: Shauna, what about you? Is your cat creative?
Girl #1 (annoyed): I don’t even own an animal.
Girl #2 (after a pause, excited): I had a creative cat once! (pause) I did!

–Duane Reade

Overheard by: are they really talking about cats?

Posted on June 3, 2015
Duane Reade, Gay Man's Best Friend, Guys, Questions, Stupidity

Gay Man's Best Friend