New girlfriend: My cat has asthma.
New boyfriend: Your cat has asthma?
New girlfriend: Yeah. That's why I quit smoking.
New boyfriend: You really need to get rid of those fucking cats.
–Movie Theater Line
Overheard by: Cindee
New girlfriend: My cat has asthma.
New boyfriend: Your cat has asthma?
New girlfriend: Yeah. That's why I quit smoking.
New boyfriend: You really need to get rid of those fucking cats.
–Movie Theater Line
Overheard by: Cindee
Girl on cell, defiantly: Listen, I can keep my midget in your closet whenever I damn please!
–72nd & Columbus
Man handing out cards to random passers-by: They have midget strippers, buddy, and you can bring your guitar!
–42nd & 7th
Overheard by: Katy
Guy, to friend: You can't call yourself a grown man if you sit down and your feet dangle off the chair.
–Victoria's Secret
Overheard by: Emm
Black guy pushing cart: Man, I miss my two-headed midget friend… He was my best man.
–Union Square
Woman on cell: Have I been an angry little munchkin?
–Whole Foods, Union Square
Overheard by: TheMac
Hipster cashier: Yeah, and when I’m not working here, I just sit on MySpace and take pictures of my cat and shit.
Female customer: Sounds like the life…
–Whole Foods, Union Square
Overheard by: catherine
Guy #1: I mean, not all cats are creative. They can't be. Who do you know who has a creative cat?
Guy #2: Shauna, what about you? Is your cat creative?
Girl #1 (annoyed): I don't even own an animal.
Girl #2 (after a pause, excited): I had a creative cat once! (pause) I did!
–Duane Reade
Overheard by: are they really talking about cats?
Conductor: Tickets, please. Oh, wow, is that a parrot?
Lady with parrot on her shoulder: Yes, it is. I take him out every mother's day to see my parents. He's on a leash, though, and won't make any noise.
Conductor: Okay, no problem. There's actually a cat in the next car and a dog in the one after that.
Parrot lady's kid: A cat in the next car?! Cats eat birds. One animal per car!
Conductor, deadpan: I've got bad news for you, kid–there's more animals on this car than just that parrot.
Casual observer, not looking up from his paper: Truer words have never been spoken.
–Metro North
Little girl: Mommy! I want to open a cat park!
Mother: You mean a dog park?
Little girl: Mooooommmmmmmmm! No! A cat park!
–Ave A & St. Mark's Place
Chick on cell: It's all about the eyeball lick. Tell her.
–59th St & 9th Ave
Overheard by: aenigma
NYPD cop: I would rather lick the street than ever smell your fart again.
–Forsyth St & E Houston St
Overheard by: Dave-o
Teen girl to friends: He's so gross! Seriously, I'd rather lick my cat's asshole than hook up with that guy!
–Barnes & Noble, Bayside
Guy at bar to friend: I can't believe you married a woman who won't lick your asshole.
–Ale House, MacDougal St
Random woman: Why do you always insist on licking my elbow?
–86th & 3rd
Overheard by: Jana
Knitting girl: Don't let your drunk girlfriend name your cat, because eventually you will break up with her and then you'll have a cat with a stupid name.
–The Point Knitting Cafe
Overheard by: Heather
Woman coming out of restroom, holding a bottle of liquid soap: You gotta keep the cat clean!
–NYU Hospital
Overheard by: A nurse who wish she wasn't sometimes!!
Female tourist, to herself: There are nine ways to skin a cat, and I know all of them.
–23rd & 8th
Man to woman, arguing: Fuck you, Nina, that's the point. You're not taking my cat!
–Central Park
Old man to friend, during lunch: I don't like cats' attitudes. Unlike dogs, they can be so aloof. Especially to Jews…
–Deli, 1st Ave
Overheard by: Allison
Girl #1 to group: Well, he doesn't have a job, or a car, and has a cat named Jedi.
Girl #2: Wait…who is this?
Girl #1: The guy I slept with last week.
Girl #2 (sarcastically): Quality!
Girl #1: Well that's why I just slept with him, instead of dated him.
–Therapy Bar
Black girl: I can’t believe we just went to the hospital to find out that your cat has no sex.
White girl: What?
Black girl, louder: That your cat has no sex!
White girl: Oh, yeah! I can’t believe my male cat has no penis!
–3 train
Overheard by: office peon
Headline by: Garrett Berg
Runners-Up:
· “Cat: Why don’t you just announce it to the whole goddamn train!” – morgz
· “Garfield and the angry itch” – jeff
· “I think I’ll call him Neuter Gingrich” – SNA
· “The Penis Makes the Pussy” – Adam
