Middle-aged guidette: He’s gay, he’s gay, he’s gay!
Uptight white woman: My husband isn’t gay. Loving Jesus doesn’t make you gay.
–Port Authority
Middle-aged guidette: He’s gay, he’s gay, he’s gay!
Uptight white woman: My husband isn’t gay. Loving Jesus doesn’t make you gay.
–Port Authority
Lesbian daughter: Wow, I have such burnt-out memory cells. Not to be confused with my sickle cell.
Sister, laughing: It’s all mom’s fault! All mom’s fault.
Lesbian to mom, screaming and laughing: Why didn’t you eat my placenta?! You should’ve eaten my placenta! You needed to eat my placenta!
Mom, calm as can be: I’m not African. And besides, you have enough people eating your placenta.
–Parking Lot, NYU College
Overheard by: Lesbian’s Wifey
Dispatcher’s voice on walkie talkie: Four black males seen in the subway station, dressed as women. Repeat, four black males dressed as women.
Cop, into walkie talkie: Ten-four to central… Is that breaking a law?
–77th St Subway Station
Overheard by: AJ
Guy #1: My friend hit my balls so I tackled him to the ground and grabbed his nuts. That’s not gay, right?
Guy #2: No, he hit you first.
Guy #1: I mean, it’s not like I was crushing grapes or anything, he hit me in the nuts! What was I supposed to do!?
–NYU Bus
Overheard by: totallynotgay
Dude on cell: I’m okay with it. As long as nobody slaps me or calls me gay or spits on me. Those are my three things. As long as nobody does those three things.
–21st St & 8th Ave
Asian girl: You gave me the gay!
–C Train
Overheard by: Jordan
Female cop to male cop: You a queer? For real, you queer? You a queer? You a queer? Oh, I didn’t know that. Okay. [Nods.]
–C Train
Barnard girl to friends: I don’t think he’s gay, I just think he has problems having sex with women.
–Columbia University Steps
Overheard by: John Jay
Man to friend: See, I told you this was a gay neighborhood, look at all the women!
–Montague Street, Brooklyn Heights
Overheard by: glekapolis
Loudly homophobic guy: Gay! Gay! My ass hurts from watching that preview!
–AMC Theater, Times Square
Overheard by: Lo
30-something woman to female friend: I’m so happy to see you! I haven’t had sex in a couple of months, except for a few straight girls.
–Carroll Gardens
Smoking chick on cell: I haven’t had sex yet either…I’ll let you know.
–1020 bar, 110th & Amsterdam
Overheard by: Ladle
Nilla wafer-eating chick: I don’t even understand why people have sex anymore!
–Columbia University
Guy yelling at a woman: Lady! Stop asking, I’m not having sex with you!
–34th & 6th
Guy on cell: Oh my god, do I need to say it? Fine! I promise I won’t try to put my penis in you. Okay?
–Avenue C
Overheard by: lingling
Guy on cell: That’s the thing about sex, it’s all in your head anyway.
–Union Square West
Overheard by: brita bit
[hobo walks into the train with bag in cart]Drunk queer standing behind hobo: Move it or lose it.
Hobo: Who the fuck is that?!
Queer: Queen Victoria.
Hobo: I’m a marine, I’ll fucking kill you.
Queer: Let me know when you get your VA check, I’ll help you spend it.
Hobo: Yeah, sure I’ll do that.
Queer: In Central Park.
Hobo: I’ll call you.
Queer: My number’s 444-332. Call me at that number.
Hobo: I won’t call you.
[they get off the train giggling]
–A train, Columbus Circle
Overheard by: JohnD
Bartender to DJ: This is the kind of music gay guys listen to when they get drunk and accidentally fuck their girlfriends.
DJ, over music: What?
Bartender: This is the kind of music gay guys listen to when they get drunk and accidentally fuck their girlfriends!
–Lit Lounge
Overheard by: waiting for my drink
20-something woman to friends: I mean they said they’d pay me $20 for it. I would show them one for $20, why not? One boob for $20? I mean, maybe they thought it was a big deal since we were at work.
–N Train Platform, 34th St Station
Overheard by: Regina
[Two young woman crossing the street. One turns to the the other and grabs her breast.]Grabber girl: Honk!
[Both giggle and cross street into Victoria’s Secret.]
–34th & Broadway
Overheard by: Chockita
Female boss to employee in low-cut shirt: Your boobs are awesome. But -I’m just gonna have to do this. [Pulls up employee’s neckline.] Because…I just wanna dive in there. Head-first.
–Theater, St Marks Place
Overheard by: fhqwhgads
Professor: So you see, men only like women’s boobs because of cleavage.
–Bard High School Early College
Tourist girls: [In unison from the door] Booooobies! [Run to the big naked lady sculpture and poses to take a picture].
–Columbus Circle
Teen girl to friend: Julia! Put your titties away!
–14th & 6th
Bored, drunken guy in a silent train cart: So does anyone wanna show their titties?
–NJ Transit
Overheard by: Not drunk enough to flash
Flamboyant black guy #1: That’s what I love about being gay. All these bitches be loving on me so I get them to do my homework.
Flamboyant black guy #2: True.
–Washington Square North
