Wednesday One-Liners Call It an “Eating Plan”

Squeaky blonde: When I feel like that after drinking too much I just totally stick my finger down my throat. I don't wake up with a hangover, and it saves calories too!

–Blarney Rock Pub

Overheard by: Ant928

Dumpy middle aged lady: I haven't lost any weight, but I'm still alive. So… I'm pretty proud of myself.

–Union Square

Girl: You should have to pay by the calorie. That'd make people less fat.

–Chipotle, Broadway

Overheard by: Confabulation Nation

Five-year-old boy to mom: Hey, mom, this energy drink has 10 calories less then the Monster drink!

–7-Eleven

Overheard by: CatVonD

NYU student: You know when you're on a diet, and you wash your face with apricot cleanser? It smells so good that you just want to, like, eat it!

–Washington Square Park

Overheard by: melbert

Posted on October 4, 2014
All Wednesday One-Liners, Bars & Clubs, Body Parts, Cleanliness, Compare/Contrast, Diet/Weight, Drinking & Drunk People, Drinks, Food, Girls, Grocery Stores, Health and Hygiene, Kids, Moms, Money & Class, One-liners, Parks, Questions, Restaurants & Cafes, Sensory Experiences, Students, Union Square and East Village, Vomit, Washington Square Park, Wednesday One-Liners, Weirdness, Women

In His Defense, They Were Alpha-Bits

Girl #1: Oh my god, I love my English teacher.
Guy: Why? He’s so old!
Girl #1: He’s so easy.
Girl #2: What? You guys had sex?
Girl #1: Nah! He passed me with a 90 and all I do in his class is eat
breakfast.

–G train

Overheard by: Faizun Nahar

Posted on October 4, 2014
Education, Food, Girls, Guys, On the Subway, Sex & Relationships

‘Cause, If Not, I have Some Mace In My Purse

Hobo, to two girls: Hey, Mary Kate, got something to eat?
Girl #1, to girl #2: Ohmigod, did you hear that? Is she the pretty one?

–Grand Central

Overheard by: Commuter

Posted on October 4, 2014
Girls, Grand Central, Hobos, Idiots, Panhandling, Questions, Stupidity

Rent sucks. Period.

20-ish girl #1: Ugh! I feel like total crap right now.
20-ish girl #2: Is it your time of the month?
20-ish girl #1: Yeah. I have to pay the rent.

–Grand Central

Headline by: J-oh

Runners-Up:
· “I Had to Sign in Blood.” – ewwww
· “It Costs a Lot to Have a Womb with a View” – Marv in DC
· “PM-Escrow” – jodles
· “Still Less Expensive Than a Nine-month Eviction.” – Ike
· “Why Rent When You Can Moan?” – JEE
· “With Money From My Menstrual Art” – Aku

Click here to see the new Headline Contest

Posted on October 3, 2014
Girls, Grand Central, Headline Contest Winners, Menstruation

Wednesday One-Liners Want Angelina Jolie to Adopt Them

Large black woman to another: So I said to him, "Muthafucka, don't you know a baby comes out of that shit? Ain't nothing you got down there gonna hurt me!"

–Fulton St

Old man with thick Russian accent: It is fresher than a baby's bottom!

–Ave M & E 16th, Brooklyn

Ghetto black guy on phone: Nah, I was locked up, but I'm out now, and she's tryin' to say it's my baby, but that shit ain't mine.

–Downtown 2 Train

Man on cell, passing adorable child playing with dog: I love fucking babies!

–10th & 53rd

Puerto Rican girl to pregnant friend: You feel like you have to poop, but that's just the baby.

–36th St & 34th Ave, Astoria

Overheard by: Bryan Bruner

Conductor: Ma'am, please step off the ramp platform and wait until it is safe. (pause) Miss, you're having a frickin' baby, get off the ramp! (she does) Thank you.

–Metro-North Rail Tracks

Overheard by: Theonlyonewhoseemedtonotice

Teenage mother to friends, running to catch subway: Last one gets the baby!

–Broadway

Overheard by: Francisco S. Ramírez

Posted on October 3, 2014
All Wednesday One-Liners, Ass, Astoria, Babies, Black People, Brooklyn, Compare/Contrast, Conductors, Family Ties, Fat People, Friends, Girls, Guys, Insults, Men, Midtown & Hell's Kitchen, Moms, Old People, On Cell, On the Subway, Penis, Poop, Preggers, Pregnancy & Birth Control, Prison, Public Transportation, Puerto Ricans, Questions, Robbing the Cradle, Street, Teens, Trains Not Subway, Wall Street, TriBeCa, South Street Seaport, Wednesday One-Liners, Weirdness

Should We Start Over?

Black guy: You just made fun of someone with Down's Syndrome!
Hispanic girl: She kicked me!
Black guy (exasperated): Because she has Down's Syndrome!

–Union St & 4th Ave

Overheard by: Chihuahua

Posted on October 3, 2014
Black People, Brooklyn, Default, Fighting and ass kicking, Girls, Guys, Latinos, Questions, Retardation, Weirdness

Actually, My Dealer Bestowed It Upon Me

Guy: Oh my god! I just snorted!
Girl: Hey! There’s only room for one snorter and I’ve already claimed that title.

–AMC Loews, 68th & Broadway

Overheard by: Natalie

Posted on October 3, 2014
Cocaine, Default, Girls, Guys, Movie Theaters, Offers and requests, Upper West Side & Lincoln Center

Take That, Hermione Granger!

Girl #1: I mean, she's okay, but she's not a diva…
Girl #2, angrily: Hannah Montana is the most popular girl in America, admit it!

–FIT

Overheard by: yacky

Posted on October 2, 2014
About Celebrities, College, Compare/Contrast, Girls

You Sold Them to the Maid Again, Didn’t You?

Cute, pigtailed five-year-old: I want my pills!
WASPy, harried-looking mother, to staring people: She means her vitamins. Ha, ha.
Cute, pigtailed five-year-old: No, mommy, my piiiiiiiiiiils!

–102nd & Broadway

Overheard by: I Want My Pill Too

Posted on October 2, 2014
Default, Girls, Kids, Lies, Psychology, Upper West Side & Lincoln Center, White People, Wishes & desires

So This Is What Life Is Like for Ugly Girls!

Slutty girl: So, umm… like, can I just go in?
Bouncer: No. There's a line to your left.
Slutty girl: But, like don't girls get to just go in?
Bouncer: Um… this is a boy bar. You definitely have to wait in line.

–The Phoenix

Overheard by: Sean

Posted on October 1, 2014
Bars & Clubs, Bouncers, Gays and Lesbians, Gender issues, Girls, Offers and requests, Sexuality, Union Square and East Village