The Best Part of Waking Up Is Folgers in Your Sippy Cup

Six-year-old hippie girl to babysitter: If it’s okay with you, can you take Tommy and I to Grey Dog, please?
Six-year-old preppy boy: What’s “Grey Dog”?
Six-year-old hippie girl: My favorite coffee shop.

–Bleecker & 6th Ave

Headline by: chubba

Runners-Up:
· “By the Time She Was 13 She Had a Favorite Abortion Clinic.” – DR G LUV
· “I Just Get The Cafe Au Breast Milk.” – cbeck
· “If It Was 1908, She’d Be Working in a Textile Factory” – Nate
· “The Lattes Come with Biodegradable Crazy Straws” – Kristen
· “Their Mom Had Caffinated Breast Milk” – Josh

Click here to see the new Headline Contest

Posted on May 8, 2008
Boys, Coffee, Girls, Headline Contest Winners, Hippies, Kids, Offers and requests, Preppies, The Village

And I’m Not Even Positive This One Is Mine

Older woman: Oh, is this your first baby?
Young pregnant girl: No, this is my last baby!

–Times Square Station

Posted on May 8, 2008
Babies, Compare/Contrast, Default, Girls, Old People, Preggers, Pregnancy & Birth Control, Questions, Subway stations, platforms, etc., Times Square, Women

Wednesday One-Liners Have Been Locked in the Bathroom for an Awfully Long Time

Boy, to uninterested girl: You gotta date me! What you mean you only date 25-year-olds? Do you know what 25-year-old guys do?? They masturbate. All the time. It’s true -my dad told me.

–Fordham Road Subway Station

Overheard by: …as opposed to guys of all other ages??

Girl on cell: They keep doing it, and it’s ridiculous. I mean, they should just whack it off in the bathroom like everybody else does.

–Auditions, 35th & 8th

Chick on cell: What’s wrong with jerking off in the baggage claim at the start of a three day weekend?

–Columbia University

Overheard by: Wild Dog Boy

Surly stocker to fellow coworker: If they keep calling me upstairs, I am not going to have time to eat, or masturbate, or anything!

–Duane Reade, 58th & 8th

Overheard by: I’m busy too

Boy on cell: I’ve never gone all the way with anyone -you know? [Pause.] … I’m just enjoying myself.

–Broadway , Near Columbia University

Overheard by: julie

Posted on May 7, 2008
9 to 5-ers, Age/Aging, All Wednesday One-Liners, Boys, Chelsea & the Meatpacking District, Columbia (& Barnard), Columbia University, Compare/Contrast, Coworkers, Dating, Duane Reade, Girls, Gripes, Harlem & Morningside Heights, Masturbation, Midtown & Hell's Kitchen, Offers and requests, On Cell, Parents, Questions, Subway stations, platforms, etc., The Bronx, Time, Weirdness

Don’t Get Your Wednesday One-Liners in a Bunch

Young lawyer: My little boy finally made the transition from diapers to "big boy" underwear. On his first day back to pre-school he dropped his trousers and showed the whole class his lightning McQueens.
Young lawyer: … And it created a domino effect of three-year-olds showing their undies.

–6 Train

Overheard by: POLA

Chick on cell: Better underwear than meth!

–Harlem

Overheard by: McFreaky

Boyfriend to girlfriend looking at lingerie in window: It’s kind of cold for that.

–University & 9th

Overheard by: Mary Crippen

Skank: So I’m thinking "Now I’ve got to get rid of those panties!"

–54th & 9th

Overheard by: thats gross

Earnest teen chick, calling to retreating waitress: Do you sell thongs? I’m serious, I really need them!

–Hard Rock Cafe, Times Square

Overheard by: Amanda

Man getting into elevator: … And she was all like "Hi, whatchu doin’?" And I was like "Whaaaat?" I didn’t know what to say, she was all over me, I could see her panties. [Everyone in elevator looks at him and laughs a little.] I mean, come on, we’re all adults in here. What was I supposed to do? Smile? Say "Hi" back?

–Elevator, Empire State Building

Posted on May 7, 2008
Age/Aging, All Wednesday One-Liners, Boyfriends, Clothing, Compare/Contrast, Compliments, Elevators, Empire State Building, Etiquette, Friends, Girlfriends, Girls, Harlem & Morningside Heights, Hootchies, Kids, Lawyers, Midtown & Hell's Kitchen, Murray Hill and Gramercy, Nudity, Offers and requests, On the Subway, Questions, Restaurants & Cafes, Sensory Experiences, Teens, The Village, Times Square, Weather, Wishes & desires

Good Thing They’re All Mortal

Man coming out of ATM: They’re all out of service.
Girl #1: All of them?
Man: Yup!
Girl #1: Well now what?
Girl #2: People in New York are so fricking cheerful, it makes me nauseous.

–9th & University

Posted on May 6, 2008
Default, Girls, Gripes, Men, Only in New York, Questions, The Village

Frames of Reference Were Always a Bit Different in the Lohan Family

Eight-year-old-girl: What is aged cheese?
Dad: You age cheese to make it better.
Eight-year-old-girl: You do?
Dad: Like whiskey.
Eight-year-old-girl: Ahhhh, I see.

–Starbucks, 9th & 2nd

Posted on May 6, 2008
Compare/Contrast, Dads, Default, Drinks, Food, Girls, Kids, Questions, Starbucks, Time, Union Square and East Village

Making Crazy-Spotting Impossible

Girl #1: What kind of man wears a toe ring?
Girl #2: Umm… he was talking to himself and fumbling with something in his butt.
Girl #1: Yeah, but he had a blackberry.

–A Train

Overheard by: Cynthia

Posted on May 6, 2008
Ass, Blackberry, Default, Fashion, Gender issues, Girls, On the Subway, Questions

…Out and Find That Sticker

Guy: I hate people honking on their horns in still traffic. It never helps anyone.
Girl: Until I get a bumper sticker that says “Keep honking, it only makes my penis bigger.”
Guy: … And that’s my cue to go.

–1 Train

Posted on May 5, 2008
Comebacks, Compare/Contrast, Default, Girls, Guys, On the Subway, Penis

A Rare Sighting of the Elusive Emetopodophile.

Drunk girl to friends: Wait! Wait, bitches, shut up! This is important!
[Drunk friends turn to her.]Drunk girl: I totally just threw up all over my own feet!
Drunk guy: That’s fucking hot!

–Brother Jimmy’s Bait Shack, 92nd & 3rd

Overheard by: rebecca

Headline by: Adam

Runners-Up:
· “1 Girl, 2 Manolos” – Allyson L.
· “And I Can’t Wait for Volume II Of “Girls Gone Ipecac”” – NotoriousAR
· “How Paris Found Her Catch-Phrase” – Janet
· “If By “Hot” You Mean the Temperature Of My Vomit, Then Yes, It Is Rather Hot.” – CL
· “It’s Because She Vomits Lava.” – Sean McGurr
· “Matchmaker: Remember, Girls. Chunks Turn on Hunks.” – NewFaceOfEvil
· “Usually I Have to Pay Extra for That” – As do I
· “When Fetishes Collide” – Jon

Click here to see the new Headline Contest

Posted on May 5, 2008
Compliments, Default, Drinking & Drunk People, Drunks, Friends, Girls, Guys, Headline Contest Winners, Restaurants & Cafes, Sexuality, Upper East Side, Vomit