Guy #1: Emily complemented me on not carrying anything to or from work.
Guy #2: She so wants to be a dude.
–41st & Madison
Guy #1: Emily complemented me on not carrying anything to or from work.
Guy #2: She so wants to be a dude.
–41st & Madison
Guy to friends: They broke up… He was only in the relationship for the free Nike gear anyway.
–Stone St.
Overheard by: Jen
Hipster dude: So Jane* is coming to the studio tonight to do some recording. Should I have her do it and then break up with her, or break up with her first and then have her do it?
–F Train
Overheard by: dianora
13-year-old girl on cell: What? You broke up with him? That’s so cruel! Um, can I date him?
–Thompson Street, The Village
Excited teen girl: This would be a great place to break up with some people!
–8th St Park
Girl on cell: They broke up? I always thought that them breaking up was like a joke, like saying you don’t like Brussels sprouts when you secretly do, but you just say it because it’s the first yucky vegetable that comes to your mind. But hey, that’s great!
–Outside the Frick Museum
Overheard by: A. Pincus
Guy, yelling from third story fire escape: Sarah! Sarah Whitlock! Don’t leave me! She meant nothing to me! Come back… Please! (pause) Okay, but I’m keeping the deposit!
–E 4th Street
Overheard by: Nima Shirazi
Guy #1: So we broke up, but it wasn't like she broke up with me because I was ugly or boring or terrible in bed or something, she just said she wasn't ready for a commitment.
Guy #2: Dude, of course that's why she broke up with you!
–6th St & Ave A
20-Something guy: You see, I don’t have that problem because I don’t have any of my teeth left.
–112th & Broadway
Guy looking like Steven Wozniak circa 1980s: Look at the size of this tea bag compared to the size of my cup.
Homely little house on the prairie girl: I swear my great aunt has the biggest tea bags known to man. You can soak those things for hours and they still won’t shrivel.
–Perch Diner
Overheard by: brandon the short texan tourist
Aloof teen: So, other than getting robbed and coming back pregnant, how was it?
–27th & 6th
Overheard by: Seamus Diddy
Female cashier, looking over cover of Star magazine: Girl, Angelina is having twins?! I tell you what, that girl needs to get her some birth control pills -and you know why? Because she hot and if I was Brad Pitt I would keep knockin’ her up too.
–86th & 1st
Girl on cell: Ugh! I can’t believe she’s pregnant again! That makes futon baby number two!
–Forever 21, Union Square
Girl checking SMS, to friends: Oh shit…[Reads.] "Happy non mother’s day, pass this on to all your girlfriends and women you know who survived another year of not getting pregnant."
–Toys R Us Times Square
Overheard by: Non Father
Guy, chasing after pregnant woman in the fruit section: It’s not a boy? I swore you told me it was a boy! Honey! Come back!
–Whole Foods, Bowery
Overheard by: office peon
Guy: I'll give you what I normally give you.
Girl #1: A toothbrush?
Girl #2: A penis in your face.
–113th & Amsterdam
Scruffy guy: Maybe you’re allergic to kangaroo milk.
–St. Mark’s Pl
Overheard by: Elaina
Hipster dude on cell: Dude, what the fuck? Everywhere I go in your city there’s, like, no eggnog.
–Mercer St
Overheard by: omar
Street sock vendor to another: This country’s immigration problems could all be solved if they just stopped selling Corona.
–Union Square
Overheard by: Cameron Rose
Crazy guy: Jack and Jill went up the hill to get some fuckin’ water! Dumb bitch forgot the fuckin’ water. Go back up that hill, bitch, and get me my fuckin’ water!
–C train
Overheard by: Chrissy
Thug to wife: Yo, this nigga don’t trust nothin’ ‘less it has an umbrella stickin’ out of it. That’s gangsta!
–Atlantic Station Pathmark
Overheard by: Kosi
20-something guy #1: Dude, that band was awesome!
20-something guy #2: I know! It makes me wish I were a chick, that way I could have that guy's babies.
20-something guy #1: Me too!
–Southpaw, Park Slope
Overheard by: esgeness
Dude #1, looking at Yu-Gi-Oh! cards: Oh man, opening a new pack is pleasurable. Like having sex.
Dude #2: How do you know? You have sex?
Dude #1: Trust me, I know. I have sex.
–Anime Castle
