Way too blonde girl: Do you want to stay at my house tonight?
Dude: Absolutely not.
Way too blonde girl: What if my parents aren't home?
–Restsurant, University Place & 11th St
Overheard by: CourtSnort
Way too blonde girl: Do you want to stay at my house tonight?
Dude: Absolutely not.
Way too blonde girl: What if my parents aren't home?
–Restsurant, University Place & 11th St
Overheard by: CourtSnort
Guy: So you guys are Jewish?
Girl: Yeah, why?
Guy: Are you from Brooklyn? I live there now, and there are a lot of Jewish people there.
Girl: No, we’re from Staten Island.
Guy: Oh. Are there a lot of Jewish people there?
–Finnerty’s, Union Square area
Overheard by: Becka Dash
Guy: You used to give everybody handjobs.
Girl: I was the master. I didn't know I was that good until I was giving them to everybody.
–Burp Castle, 7th St & 2nd Ave
Overheard by: I didn't get one
Guy: What is that?
Guy with net: One of those nets for cleaning out pools.
Guy: Let me guess. Pool boy costume? Porn-theme party?
Guy with net: Wow, yeah.
Guy: Been there.
–Uptown 1 train
Overheard by: Argopelter
Headline by: Gary
Runners-Up:
· “And That’s How Me and Your Other Father Met, Timmy.” – Chris
· “Another Touching Father-Son Moment Brought To You By Wicked Entertainment” – Existance is Futile
· “I was just delivering pizza, but they asked me in, and, wow!” – Wasn’t invited
· “I’m not really black – this is toner from the “copier” scene” – Tom Dorey
· “Kato Kaelin: Career Counselor at Large” – Charlie
· “Of Course, I Just Bent Over and Went as a Life Preserver” – Keith
· “Porn theme party? I think I’ll just come in my jeans.” – Effing and Blinding
· “Really? You were an altar boy at St. Mark’s, too?!” – Dave
· “Ron Jeremy’s Sixth Sense” – s h
· “Watch out for a guy dressed as a milkman. He’s bad news” – gravy
· “When he was 6 years old, and watching his mother from the window…” – Nathan
· “Yeah, I went all out and got my CPR card.” – SNA
Guy #1: She was 14?!
Guy #2: Well, I didn’t know she was 14 when I slept with her.
Guy #1: Dude, how did you not know?!
Guy #2: She didn’t look 14…
Guy #1: And you didn’t ask her age?
Guy #2: I did. She lied and said she was 21.
Guy #1: And you didn’t ask for some identification?
Guy #2: Yeah man, ’cause the way to get a girl into bed is to ask her for some ID first.
Guy #1: Good point… Well, how old did you say you were?
Guy #2: 21.
Guy #1: 21?!
Guy #2: Yeah, 21.
Guy #1: Right, of course. Because 39 is clearly the new 21!
Guy #2: Don’t judge me, man…
–52nd & Madison
Overheard by: So <i>not</i> 14!
Russian woman to Russian friend: I want to see Notorious because it's about black people.
–Regal Cinema, 13th & Broadway
High school boy: Hey, look–a black kid!
–B1 Bus
Overheard by: Robert Gleyberman
Black guy: Don't worry, its alright! I'm not that black! I haven't mugged anybody in two weeks, and I love all white people under six feet tall!
–Time Square
Overheard by: Jennie
Middle-aged black woman, to no one in particular: That George W. Bush! He walks like an arrogant black man!
–Queens
Overheard by: BigFatTiger
Nerdy Jewish guy: I don't know what went wrong. I should be a black girl by now!
–Queens College
Guy: Happy Birthday!
Woman in Bday hat: Happy Birthday? I’m old enough to be your fucking mother. Wait, how the fuck old are you?
Guy: 30.
Woman: OK, maybe not, but old enough to be your father’s younger sister’s kid’s mother.
–outside Comic Strip Live, UES
Guy: I hate coming-of-age stories.
Girl: Why?
Guy: They’re boring.
Girl: Yeah, but this one has boobs in it.
–F Train
Overheard by: kim
Guy: Success is always coming between us. It’s always been that way, and will continue to be that way.
–Pay phone, Cobble Hill
Young gay man: I don’t want to sound cheesey, but to Christina, I’m a little bit stronger
Young straight girl: I think that’s Britney.
Young gay man: No, you’re wrong, that’s Christina.
— Midtown
