Customer: I could use that cane. I pulled my hamstring last night.
Bartender: Doing what, changing diapers?
Customer: No, having sex with myself.
–Bar, 78th & 1st
Customer: I could use that cane. I pulled my hamstring last night.
Bartender: Doing what, changing diapers?
Customer: No, having sex with myself.
–Bar, 78th & 1st
Woman: And she's dying from some disease.
Man: Well, is it a good disease?
–57th & 7th
Overheard by: ian
Chick on cell: God, is she crazy? Even I wouldn’t do that, and I’m a total slut.
–39th St & 3rd Ave
NYU girl on cell: Yeah, she really is a crazy bitch. At least I’m getting a book out of it, though. I’m going to call it Next Year I’ll Be in a New Room, But You’ll Still Be Fucking Nuts.
–Washington Square Park
Conductor: Someone has lost a bag of marbles in the cafe car. I repeat, we have a bag of marbles found in the cafe car. Has anyone lost their marbles?
–Amtrak, Penn Station
Communications & media studies professor: I don’t mean to pontificate, but this is the last day of class and I have some important advice for you — never sleep with anyone who is crazier than you are. It can get you in a lot of trouble.
–Fordham University
Overheard by: Switching Departments
10-year-old boy waiting for mom: Hooray, hooray, I’m insane, I’m insane, okay!
–Outside Met Food, Cortelyou Rd & E 16th St, Brooklyn
Overheard by: Leela
Woman: I used to be delusional.
Friend: What was happening, were you medicated?
Woman: Oh yes, I had to be severely medicated. I thought I was going to marry Peter Jennings.
Friend: Was it hard for you when he died?
Woman: Actually, I was selfishly happy because I didn’t have to worry about having delusions about him anymore.
–W 105th St & Amsterdam Ave
College student #1, with Brooklyn meets Boston mystery accent: My uncle is a doctor. Well, he's like a doctor. I mean he works in a hospital, but you know, once you work in a hospital for 15 years you might as well be a doctor cause you know it all by then, anyway. Well, he says that food comas are real. Yeah, you know, it's like the cyanide in the turkey or something.
College student #2: I have no idea what you are talking about.
–LIRR
Overheard by: Dara
Woman: I told him I wasn't opposed to dinner just because he's had a vasectomy.
–Columbia University
Overheard by: Meister
Preppy guy: They took cartilage out of his ear and put it in my nose.
–Penn Station
Overheard by: Ladle
UES woman: I'm going to get my nails done, then get a colonoscopy in Queens.
–89th and Park
Overheard by: AeC and jRw
Woman on phone: Well, of course I got it removed
*(pause)
Woman: It hurt like hell.
–Elevator in the Hudson Hotel
Guy on phone, Nnoz done: Hts okay – it's just routine anal surgery!
–Astor Place
Overheard by: Tam
Dude: Hey! Good to see you… What are you doing here? I thought you were at Beth Israel?
Waitress on smoke break: Yeah, I was in the OR until they caught me in the janitor’s closet doing coke.
–St Mark’s Pl & Ave A
Overheard by: Vegas
Little girl: Mommy, what are you doing?
Mother: Rubbing my eyes — they itch. What are you doing?
Little girl: I’m buttoning my finger.
–University Pl & 11th St
Overheard by: Pat Nich
Girl: Yeah, they totally weren’t always addictive. Like, they started putting drugs into cigarettes to make them addictive. Nicotine wasn’t even addictive a long time ago, it’s only recently they have made it that way by putting stuff into it.
–1 train
Overheard by: Nathan B
Man: Yeah, he broke his leg.
Woman: Oh, really? That’s too bad.
Man: Oh, it’s okay though, he broke both of them.
–Central Park
Overheard by: Christopher Benton
